


Trouble Always Follows

by Thewrightbrothers89



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Awkward Dates, Courtroom Drama, Death, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gay Sex, Kidnapping, Law Enforcement, Legal Drama, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Psychological Drama, Rape, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-31 05:45:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6458242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewrightbrothers89/pseuds/Thewrightbrothers89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a serial killer is raping & murdering law enforcement officials from the Latino community, will the next target be the infamous Rafael Barba, a Cuban Assistant District Attorney? Or will SVU find a link to the past that will stop the rampage once and for all? Main pairings: Carisi x Barba; Rollins x Dodds Jr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The 12th of a Dozen

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do NOT own Law & Order: SVU or any of the named characters in this fiction. This is my first fanfic in a long time and it may not be updated periodically so please check out for updates on Fanfiction.net under the same title for updates! Be kind with comments/feedback thanks!

Chapter 1:  
“Carsi….” 

It seemed like a far off echo that was whispering its deathly cold sense into a spry detective’s ear. 

“……Carisi….” 

There it was again. Yet, why was it slowly getting closer? The irony he supposed of the sound of his name seeming to match the somber view before crystal blue irises now shadowed with the nauseating image. Of course, he had seen so many horrific scenes on the job; so much death it would make the strongest sailors pale in comparison. The inhumanity of this act was almost unbearable to comprehend. 

“Sonny Carisi! Earth is calling, you’d better answer.” The image suddenly distorted away to see an almost flustered Amanda Rollin staring up at him with water dripping into her face and drenching her hair which was held back in the infamous ponytail.

Her lips were pulled tightly into a frown, nearly as tightly as her ponytail, and she was emitting this strong anger at his person which pulled Sonny’s musings away from where they had been floating in la la land it seemed. “What are you doing? We need to get this crime scene processed before the rain pours harder and washes away our evidence!”

Lips parted in a small “o” shape as though confused before shaking his head and promptly nodded, the normally zealous young detective had been infatuated with what seemed to be a never ending killing spree of Latino based law enforcement officials: from correctional officers to a judge from Manhattan– both male and female in the three boroughs of Manhattan, Queens and Brooklyn. The number seemed to now have tallied up to around 12 within the last 6 months and they were no closer than they had been on day one.

“Sorry Amanda, I guess my head’s not in the game.” A sheepish expression tossed back which rewarded the Staten Island native with a mild glare, hands tossed up as if in defeat when his own eyes seemed to only grow in a plead for forgiveness. 

“Fine, whatever. Let’s just get the vic back to the ME’s office and we can get outta this rain.” Her gloved hands went to rubbing at her arms to further emphasize the chill the rain brought. 

Both knew the rain was but a small factor, it was more the horrific scene before them where the latest victim; number 12, had been found. This one a traffic cop from Brooklyn.

A man not much older than Carisi himself and leaving behind a wife with 3 kids. The reason this landed in their laps and not with the Homicide Unit is the evidence of sodomy committed prior to death. The Brooklyn officer, Ernesto Lopez, had been sodomized with his own police baton that was located 3 feet away in a dumpster completely dusted for prints. His mouth slashed ear to ear, tongue removed and was stuffed with a lacy purple thong which was the signature of this serial killer; each victim had their mouths stuffed with a different color yet always the same style – lacy and a thong. The clothing around his lower half discarded with the baton, leaving him bleeding out and half naked on the floor beneath the Brooklyn bridge. The true cause of his death was not entirely clear, but they knew from the first few that it was from asphyxiating on their own blood as their mouths were ripped open. 

It was like a real horror movie of the 20s when the Black Dahlia, whose murder had also been unresolved, was replaying back in their day and age. Carisi’s hand were checking the pockets of Ernesto’s police jacket to find a small note neatly folded. 

He opened to peer at the neatly scribbled, “A perfect dozen…shall I bake another to make it a Baker’s dozen?” Sonny read aloud, standing from his crouched position as the medical coroners worked on removing the body promptly from the rain and into the awaiting ambulance. “Why aren’t we close Amanda?” 

“Carisi, if I knew….if only I knew.” She sighed, removing her gloves after bagging the dumpster evidence that had been meticulously absent of fingerprints …as the others were…and both looking so worse for the wear. “Call it in.” 

A quick pull of his phone from his SVU jacket, Sonny called the familiar number back to his precinct and strolling back to the patrol car with the new mother who seemed to be texting her nanny to see the status of her daughter and the nanny. “Yeah, hi Lieu it’s Sonny. So Amanda and I finished up here…is it…possible to send Fin or Dodds to tell the widow the news? We’re kinda not in the right sorts, the killer worked a real number on ‘im and we’re just gonna head back.” He paused outside of the driver’s side, leaning against the door and nodded as rain dripped into his neatly coiffed hair that was falling out of place. “Uh huh….okay…got it. Thanks Liv, Rollins and I will be there like in 30 min.” 

Hopping behind the wheel, the radio playing soft tunes as the taller of the two buckled in and glimpsed to Amanda from the corner of his eye, “Jesse okay?” The questioned asked, trying to distract them both as he started the drive back. 

“Huh?” 

“Now who’s head isn’t in the game?” A laugh escaping him from having his arm punched. “Hey hey, don’t hit me, I’ll make us crash.” 

“She’s good. The nanny just put her down for her nap….so I’m in for a comfortable night of a glass of wine when I get home.” Amanda laughed, rubbing her face as the rainwater dripped against the windows of their vehicle. “We gotta get this guy…before it hits close to home.” A statement more than a question. The rest of the ride back was quiet. 

\--

When stepping back into the squad-room, both dripping wet and the coffee in their hands not helping the shiver that passed through when a short woman ran past in hysterics only to fall on the nearby officer at the elevators and dry heaving. 

“Ernesto! My Ernestooooo….por que Dios por queeeee.” It was a heart-breaking wail that made Sonny wince as the officer pulled the woman into the elevator and escorted her downstairs the mess she was in. 

Amanda peeked into the room where stood Dodds, holding onto his left cheek that was reddening promptly and Fin who seemed almost at a loss. “I’m taking you talked to the widow.” 

“How’d you guess?” Fin Tutuola, the veteran of the group besides Olivia Benson, mentioned with his normal sarcastic drawl before taking his seat once more. He picked up the habit no doubt from his long-time partner Munch who had long retired. He twined his fingers idly on his chest as he leaned back, “I take it there wasn’t much else we could tell her at this time right?" With Amanda's shake of the head, he added: "I figured, it’s what got Dodds a right smack. Sorry Sarge.”

Mike Dodds, in all his law enforcement career, had never been slapped so it was a little bit of a shocker so he could only shake his head and go back to his seat. “It’s alright, someone had to be outright and take it. Her reaction was warranted.” 

“Might wanna ice it, it’ll start to bruise.” Amanda mentioned, heading to go find said pack of ice before the other could protest; definitely motherhood was becoming of her. 

Carisi could only shake his head as he sank into his own desk, trying to brush off an excess of water as he tossed off his jacket and shook his head of the water. “I woulda taken the slap over the view any day…I’m tellin’ ya guys. It’s getting’ worse…” He mused, uploading the photographs from his phone to log them into his computer files for sharing purposes as Rollins returned with the ice pack to the reluctant Mike who did not want to be given special treatment just because of his father’s status. 

Before anyone could tease the new Sergeant, out came their fearless leader and trailing behind was ADA Rafael Barba; the man who could turn heads with a witty comment or a silence with a fierce gaze. 

Both were coming from Olivia’s office and had a presence of in itself. Including that of Sonny Carisi, who was honing his attention on the Assistant District Attorney. The Hispanic man slightly shorter, leaner than himself and still could keep a jury of 12 captivated in his emotional and tantalizing prosecution skills: in short, his idol. When it skirted to something more, Sonny could not say or be clear off, yet he knew nothing good would come from puppy love or a crush with a man who would sooner kick him than kiss him. 

Growing up in a Catholic home, the young detective had been taught that relations that were sanctioned by God and considered holy were only between a woman and a man ONLY. Anything besides the fact was considered flirting with the devil and forbidden, but the devil being presented in the form of a mouthy ADA was still too hard to not peek. He knew that he was bisexual since his patrolman days when he had the biggest crush on his partner who seemed to catch onto his affections late in the game and demanded a switch. It had been devastating yet an almost wake-up to him, he had to pick his battles and know when it would be appropriate to chase down an office affair considering they would always be together: working or otherwise. Imagine if he could not get his hands on his partner, what made him think that chasing down a powerful yet really beautiful ADA? It was definitely skirting with danger and the thought enticed him.

Besides to the fact, he knew Rafael Barba was a lady’s man considering his gallant appearances to police charity affairs in expensively tailored suits and beautiful women that practically sparkled at his side so there was no room for “ifs, ands, or buts.” 

Yet speaking of butts…. Rafael’s was looking rather perky in his three-piece, the vest not covering as much the long jacket would so it allowed him quite the view when the attorney had turned to whisper briefly to Olivia. When he had turned back, the blonde was still clearly out of it and not removing the beautiful image that helped replaced the horrible one from earlier. 

“Carisi!” 

There goes his name again. Yet this time it was definitely closer, not echoing and yelled in that Spanish accented voice that made his mouth fall open slightly. 

A sheepish smile came onto his lips after blinking his baby blues rather rapidly to clear his vision and was greeted with several faces at once this time around: An amused Finn, an unamused Olivia, an Amanda who had her hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter, a Dodds who held the ice pack and shaking his head, and finally landing on Rafael whose eyebrow was perched up in that curious manner and lips pursed. “Are you done drooling in your odd dream world Carisi?” 

“Ah, yes Counselor. Sorry about that….lack o’sleep ya know?” He mused in his own native accent that was covering up as he wiped his mouth and cleared his throat. 

All of them stood there and then shook their heads almost simultaneously as if this was the norm sometimes. Soon though the tone of the conversation went from amused to serious in two seconds when Olivia mentioned, “We’re running out of time….we can't wait for another body to land on our doorstop. Because we all know....it will.” She commented as she ran a hand through her hair, hands on her hips as they all sat there and let the finality of those words come into play. 

To be continued....


	2. 5 Senses

Chapter 2: 

Taste. 

The taste of a half burned bagel and hurriedly placed cream cheese. The bitter sensation of coffee from Starbucks just to follow the social standard. ‘Next time, cart breakfast.’ The Assistant District Attorney thought to himself as he hurriedly flew from the longest line of his life to hail a cab to the courts. 

Nibbling on the inside of his cheek unconsciously drew blood that mingled with the cocktail of flavors in his mouth it made him sigh as it seemed today was going to be never-ending. 

\--

Sound. 

At birth, humans have the natural five senses: Taste, Sound, Smell, Sight and Touch. They seep through channels like eyes, ears, mouth, etc.  
For some, one may tend to favor another inconceivably for natural causes or environmental; living and growing up in New York, Sound was definitely a strong player was heightened considerably.

From the blaring sirens outside of patrolmen or ambulance almost every day as the norm, crowded streets filled with the “working” men and women with their customers, or the general life that was the Big City. It definitely was never a dull one as clearly proven with this one particular case: The Ghost Killer so affectionately named for the lack of evidence yet their amazing ability to infiltrate a law enforcement network so intricate, it left many in disgusting awe. 

One would think that most would be immune to the subtle sounds of feet scampering across the polished floor of the courtroom for a close seat or the shutter of the camera lens to keep attention; no, it was the sound of matted wood hitting its pedestal that drew musings away from the slight daze put on by the overworked Assistant District Attorney. 

“Your Honor, clearly Mr. Barba is not with these proceedings as demonstrated, so I move to a mistrial and allow my client his due process with lack of evidence.” A nasally voice belonging to Robert Wheeler, pro bono attorney for many a scheming thug. 

The man’s very essence screamed “low budget attorney for hire”. From his greased back red hair which was thinning at its base and left him with splotches of pale skin; dark rimmed eyes behind large oval glasses that seemed to be almost black color, and his gangly yet strangely tall frame all attributed to a very insecure man. Why he got into law, no one would ever really understand. 

Rafael Barba blinked his eyes once then twice before they hardened and narrowed in their refutable way, his navy suit clad frame moving to take its defensive stance to rebuttal. “I was merely lamenting on how you wish you had taken a deal Mr. Wheeler, spare us all the trial.” 

“Objection!” 

“There’s nothing to object Mr. Wheeler. “The judge shook his head, exasperated with the pair of attorneys before him. “What say you to this plaintiff’s bail Mr. Barba?” 

“The people request bail be set to $100,000 and his passport forfeited, he tried to flee to Puerto Rico when approached about his missing girlfriend your Honor.” 

Robert Wheeler could only choke, while his client; a gangbanger from the BX9 named Ricardo “Mafioso” Mercado, could only stand in the handcuffs around his wrists and an expression of boredom on his features. This case, presumably unrelated to the ongoing investigation of the “Ghost Killer”; was still one of the many on the ADA’s plate that was going to be shuffled to another court date. 

“Your Honor, that’s excessive! He has clear ties to the community, we request ROR to his mother who is very ill.” A screech like sound following as if his demand was relevant.

“All good and well Mr. Wheeler, but we have a missing pregnant woman and your client was the last to see her; bail is set to $100,000 and passport will be forfeited. Next case.” The gavel was hit once more, this one with more finality as though to move through the process. 

The defendant turned his gaze to the judge then sneered towards Barba with a smug expression as he knew a drug dealer would make bail easily. The defense’s lawyer moved towards the shorter male’s table and slammed his briefcase to call attention to himself. 

“You should just dismiss this. Your detective found nothing linking my client to his girlfriend’s disappearance. It’s all circumstantial.” 

An eyebrow promptly perked up as he clicked his own briefcase closed and reached for his jacket; clearly a motion of -I am leaving and don’t follow me out the door to discuss this-.  
A small sigh escaping his lips as he pointed towards Robert. “Let’s be clear, your client was seen on a bus terminal on his way to La Guardia airport 2 hours AFTER detectives found his girlfriend’s belongings in the trunk of his car. So use your time working your defense instead of antagonizing me Mr. Wheeler. Good day.” With that, the shorter of the two turned on his heel and walked calmly from the courtroom without so much as a backwards glance; his priority was to get to Olivia Benson’s office promptly. 

His phone had rung prior to the trial hearing and only heard recently, the voicemail stating another police officer had been kidnapped and was missing. This was reported by his wife, Elena Lopez; wife of decorated traffic patrol officer, Ernesto Lopez. 

The details vague on the phone but the most important piece? He was a Latino male working the barrios at 8 pm the night before and still missing. It was a small part of this serial killer’s method of pattern. They were meticulous and definitively punctual that should have given law enforcement the edge. 

Before he knew it, his dazed thoughts brought him to the back of a cab and tossing the directions to SVU. A hand lifting to rub at his forehead and temple as a headache seemed to brew, eyes lingering on an old worn watch that nestled on his right wrist; the lines of the minute hand ticking so slowly yet the seconds were gone in a blink as was the ride to the correct precinct.  
\--  
Smell.

Inside the precinct smelled of so many different avenues, it was hard to tell them apart. From the leftover Chinese food on Fin Tutuola’s desk as he hovered over his computer and clicking through slowly through crime scene photos, next came Dodds with his cologne that was potent and mixed with pine aftershave made for a bomb on his face – it was enough to wrinkle a nose at as he stood by a board with multiple string lines, Amanda Rollins (Currently away) yet “new mother” smell lingered with hints of baby spit up, to finally Dominick ‘Sonny’ Carisi’s desk that had stacks of folders, law books and empty coffee cups. 

The youngest detective had grown on him. Like a weed. The other always asking him inquisitive questions that sometimes made HIM second guess. His intelligence to his advantage, not to mention his handsome smile that matched those glass blue eyes would make most weak and let him score 100 on a test. 

He knew long ago his sexual preference was to men; however, he knew when to play his cards. This was work after all. Work affairs never tended to end well. Rafael’s fingers moved to unconsciously trail against the edge unknown to the others in the room since they seemed to be focused on what laid before them. 

What made him pause was the body currently occupying said desk seat, and peeked to see a woman with greying black hair. Her eyes were a soft brown that seemed to hold such warmth and vibrancy in the day and now seemed to hold despair and small glimmer of hope? She only gazed at him silently as if analyzing him: it was a habit all Latinos seemed to have with one another before she spoke, “Is this…. your desk?” Her voice gentle and clearly reflecting pain. 

“No Senora Lopez, it is not. I’m Rafael Barba, Assistant District Attorney. I am here to see Olivia Benson in regards to your husband and his disappearance linked with that of our investigation.” He cleared his throat, catching himself before mentioning “murderer, defiler or torturer” to scare her. 

“Por favor….my Ernesto would never return late from his shift. He…. someone has him. Please save him.” Her voice rose an octave as she spoke, bringing Dodds and Tutuola’s attention away from their areas to the ADA who seemed at a loss. 

He only prosecuted the criminals, he did not bring them to actual justice. His heart went out to the poor woman who went back to looking at her phone as if hoping for a phone call that he knew may never come.  
\--  
Olivia peeked out of her office, her hand waving him in and Barba followed to the beckoning. “Barba, thanks for coming.” 

“Sorry I wasn’t here sooner.” 

“We have a couple of suspects in custody that match the description given by the witness----“

“You mean the paranoid nun who claims homeless people are angels in disguise and policemen are Satan’s…what did she say…” He tapped his chin then deadpanned. “Satan’s hellhounds?” 

The Captain of the Special Victims Unit could only run a hand through her hair as the man took a seat in one of her chairs. Her feet moving to pace in the office as was the normal for her. 

“She was able to make out a lean frame and glasses!” 

“How do we know she’s not with them Olivia?” 

“It’s all we have to work with Barba. Look, Mrs. Lopez wants an answer to her husband’s disappearance…and I want to know why these two are skulking around after our crime scenes? To relive the moment? Maybe they saw something? I don’t know and we don’t have enough to hold them…” 

Rafael let out a sigh of his own, almost deep rooted and exhausted before he heard the phone ring on Olivia’s desk. It made him tense unconsciously as she slowly reached for it. Time seemed to almost immediately stop as the receiver was nestled to her ear. 

On the other side of the phone was Carisi’s Staten Island accent came through on the other side, it made the ADA close his eyes and mildly fantasizing about that voice speaking more roughly, perhaps with passion and filled with a clear motive for control. After all, any time he allowed the other to trail along with him to court, Sonny ended up being more of a lingering shadow that echoed his words and only nodding at his processes. The one in clear control at times was Barba and now seemed to not be one of those moments. 

\--

Sight. 

By the end of the conversation, the daydream turned into a horrific nightmare. He knew. Ernesto Lopez was dead and brutally assaulted the same as the others.  
Suddenly flashbacks of those horrific pictures of men and women; Puerto Rican, Guatemalan, Ecuadorian, Panamanian, and all over South/Central American descent were raped repeatedly PRIOR to death…. only for the evidence to be destroyed from the use of an object to violate once more. Depending the location, the perp used whatever was readily available on a police officer: Their police baton. The exception had been the judge up in Queens who had been violated by broken piece of fence. It was the ultimate humiliation and be awake throughout the entire experience before having their tongues removed to avoid sounds of screams, painful distortion of their faces and choking on their blood. 

His hazel eyes suddenly peeled open to see Olivia getting off the phone and discussing with Fin to be the bearer of the bad news. 

“Is Carisi and Rollins coming back? I need to see if they found any new leads out there…besides the new body obviously.” 

“They’ll be here soon. Carisi drives like a bat out of hell let me tell you.” A weak laugh escaping her as she mused, her hand going to caress the picture of her young son that resided on her desk. 

“How’s Noah?” 

“He’s good. Heh. As good as can be with Mommy pulling overtime like crazy.” 

Barba’s expression was solemn, placing a hand on her shoulder to squeeze as he reached for a file on her desk to review it once more and get her eyes away from it. “I’m sure he is proud of you so the time together is that more precious.” 

The Captain only tossed her head back to genuinely smile and laugh, eyes crinkling in mirth, “Are you getting sentimental on me after all this time?”  
“I’ll take serious offense to this Captain. Don’t test me.” He chuckled as well, the two sitting in silence for what seemed another hour and huddled over the file before he heard some scuffling outside the office. 

Both peeked out the convenient window to see the docile woman get to her feet in agony, rage and pain; perhaps all three, regardless she was shaking her fists at Fin and Mike. She then pulled at her hair as she sinking back into the chair and sobbing. Her shoulders shaking and making her look that much smaller. 

“Hardest part of the job I would say.” Olivia mentioned as she then blinked her eyes owlishly as the wife of the now deceased victim got back up and smacked Dodds right across the face that it twisted his face to the side, probably because it was unexpected. 

Barba only winced as she ran out towards presumably elevator to leave and leaving the new Sergeant in her stead and Fin looking at a loss. “She’s got quite the arm.” 

“I stand corrected. Never tell a woman bad news, THAT’S the hardest part of this job.” Shaking her head, she noticed her two detective return looking like watered rats. Feet carried her automatically to the door to the office as she stepped out and about to speak before Rafael pulled her attention back to a detail in the file that seemed to have been missed. 

Following behind Olivia, the ADA noted the locations of the victims and mentally was making a connection that made him stop her mid-way and keep her aside. “Liv, take a run at those “witnesses”. Tell them that there will be a reward for them for their cooperation.” 

“What reward?” 

“Your suspects didn’t do it, he or she wouldn’t have gotten caught so easily…but they DO know something.” He mused to her as he closed the file with a satisfied expression. “They may, if I’m falling into this glimmer of hope, have been decoys. So their reward? Not going to prison as accessories to murder.” 

“Should we do it tonight? My detectives have had quite the night.” 

“Keep them booked on drug possession charges-“

“…………….How did you know they had drugs when we got them?” Her eyebrows raised in surprise. 

He shook his head, handing her back the file. “They always do Liv. We’ll look at them tomorrow.” 

Both had secretive expressions till he turned on his heel to see the squad in kind of disarray, eyes honing in on Carisi almost instantaneously which he cursed himself mentally for. The other’s mouth was open and his expression a dopey one which he had to call him out on. “Carisi!” 

“Huh? Oh uh sorry Councilor.” Was the sheepish response, a crooked grin on his face that seemed to make it all okay. 

Olivia cleared her throat. “Okay, it has been a long day for all of us. Dodds and Fin, take the two junkies to central booking, we’re keeping them overnight on the drug possession. Rollins, go home to Jesse, and Carisi? I want you to make the report for the latest victim. Take the spare laptop and work from home.” 

“But Captain I can do it better here---“

“Go. Home. It’s an order.” She mused as she patted Rafael’s shoulder as she trailed back towards her own office to pick up her items and head home to her son; the light in her life of darkness. 

\--

Touch. 

As everyone seemed to scurry towards their desks to pick up belongings save for Dodds and Fin who went to handle their now witnesses or accessories; it left only the attorney and hot-headed detective in the squad room. 

It seemed that Carisi seemed oblivious to his standing presence as he muttered incoherently beneath his breath, his hands reaching to place folders and such into a satchel hurriedly. 

The action making Rafael shake his head, lurch forward out of his own volition and place his hands atop those larger ones. 

The texture of chilled yet coarse hands beneath his own, the slickness of the raindrops lingering and the tiny pulsing of blood circulating as it should have been enough to make him pause in that stance. It was as if envisioning them in another context altogether and it made the elder slightly heated. 

The younger clearing his throat, blue eyes turning to face the ADA who seemed to suddenly stop him. “Uh, everything alright Councilor?” 

“Yes. Don’t put them away like that, you’ll displace them.” 

A blink of those irises before a sheepish expression came on as if ashamed for his rushing. “You’re right ‘am sorry.” 

“How about this. You pack them fast and neatly, and I’ll treat you to a drink before you head home to write up the report? I need one anyway and am not fond of drinking alone. You meet strange people.” A smirk playing on the Latino’s face but on the inside he was punching himself out for such a blatant invitation to a younger yet charming detective who was probably straight as a nail considering his religious views. His lips were too dangerous for their own good. Carisi's looked so inviting in comparison how they would feel against his own. 

It took Carisi literally a minute to stand up straighter and nod, “You’re on Barba.”


	3. Where will you go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pub date can lead to compromising situations....or will it lead to a dangerous one?

Chapter 3: Where will you go? 

The cab ride out of the New York precinct at 6:00 pm or so had proven to be eventful yet at the same time; overly stifling as the pair of men would only gaze out of the window as raindrops danced against the glass and sit in silence. 

A faint odor, presumably from the heavily spiced rice and chicken combo the cab driver had in his passenger seat, which had forced both Detective Carisi and the Assistant District Attorney to share the back-seat; was filling the space of the vehicle and was almost overbearing. 

The slight wrinkle of Barba’s nose was a good sign of his favor to it whereas Carisi seemed to let it sink in. 

Despite the invitation HE himself had proposed to the youthful and very handsome detective, he was regretting it. Why did his mouth seem to react more quickly than his mind could catch up? Why did he not think things through? To be impulsive was to make mistakes, mistakes often came with a heavy price that the attorney was extremely hesitant to pay; the defining factor was that they worked together. 

Taking a moment to peel his gaze from the rain and contradictory mindset, brown irises turned to peek into the corners over to his quiet companion who sat there with hands folded in his lap.

This provided Rafael with the best opportunity to really take in all that was Sonny Carisi, a man of so many faces that he had the pleasure of seeing. The Staten Island native with his notable drawl that seemed be heightened with emotions, his slicked back hair that begged to be mussed or at least allow a small comb through with his own fingers. That last thought made him clench one hand into a fist unconsciously and in turn made the man of his thoughts peek over to him and be blessed with a faint smile. His face not as neatly shaven as might be on some occasions due to the long hours the detective was pulling on this serial case, the soft beginnings of a beard mingled into a shadow that gave him a mature look. His baby blue eyes that always seemed to retain a youthful innocence and mirth made the Hispanic man wish to keep them that way. 

Working for Special Victims took a special sort of people all on their own, this Barba knew. You needed to have dedication, honesty and be able to go home and live a “normal” life. 

It was a difficult concept so he had seen what it took to really stick through, it was very admirable and underappreciated. It was disheartening. So Rafael took it on himself to see all of the cases that land on his desk all the way through. He would trudge through the files, talk up victims, research and help in his own way. Did it make a difference? He was never told and yet never expected it. 

His reward was to see that justice is met and that his team felt a job well done. No, they never always won or had seen the results they were looking for but the law is a game of heads or tails. And a lot of luck was never turned away. 

Since his companion’s attention was on him, the attorney cleared his throat and offer a small nod of his head, “You seem lost in thought.” 

“Huh? Yeah, I swear I’m not always this quiet.” 

“Oh I know that all too well.” A small teasing smirk coupled with that. 

This made the younger of the two perk up an eyebrow, his smile turning more firm and genuine till even a laugh escaped him. “You make it sound like I never shut up.” 

“That’s not the case? Are you sure? You’re a chatterbox, it’s okay.” 

“Now, now Councilor, I’m gonna get offended then who’s gonna pop the bill for drinks?” Sonny would lift a hand to wag his finger lightly. 

The attorney would only choke as if in disbelief then laugh, “What? I invited YOU. That comes with the expectation I was paying.” 

“No way, I can’t let you do it. You can pay me by lettin’ me talk your ear off. Deal?” 

“Can I change my mind?” 

And with that statement, the vehicle stopped and the driver yelling that they had arrived at their destination, Pegu Club; a bar on the scene. It was a classy bar in Soho and peeking at the clientele trailing inside such as suited men or tight clothed woman, one could immediately tell it was pricey. 

This made Detective Carisi turn in his seat and point to his own chest, eyes wide in shock, “Can I change MY mind?” 

Both men would try to stifle their laughter before it burst from them in much needed relief at the comedy. As the Latino footed the taxi bill, they stepped out onto the pavement and despite the rain pouring around them, the smile and happy gaze of the detective brightened the scene significantly. 

\--

Once inside, this definitely confirmed Sonny’s first impression, this place was high-end. From the bar stools at the bar, to the little tables and comfortable looking leather couches; he was almost afraid to touch anything. 

His companion was definitely a frequent flyer if he immediately maneuvered over to a corner booth and a waiter pouring him water. 

The detective was dumbstruck as he stood there in his worn out denim jacket, worn down satchel bag he had gotten from the University and sticking out like a sore spot. Eyes were drawn to him like hawks eyeballing the invader; it was unnerving that he had forgotten where to walk. 

The waiter that had been attending the attorney at the table came to fetch him and waving his hand in front of his face for attention. 

“Yeah, sorry about crowdin’ the room like that.” A sheepish grin as he scurried along. 

His tall figure obvious as well so as he scooted into the booth, the younger would only stretch out and peek to Barba. The man had a glass of water and what appeared to be a glass of whiskey in his hand. 

“Never took ya for a whiskey kinda guy. I thought you’d be gettin’ some really fancy wine or soemthin’ from 1950.” Carisi commented then ordered himself a beer. For him, bar meant a round of beers with the guys, not come to a ritzy bar club and sip cocktails. 

The attorney could only shake his head and then laugh. “I’m really very simple in my tastes.” 

“Does that go for everythin’ Councilor?” A small prod into something more perhaps. 

“That may be something to contemplate indeed. It depends what we’re talking about.” 

With the beer on the table, the Detective grasped onto the neck to settle to his lips and toss back. A contented sigh from its taste, he shrugged off his jacket and reached for his case files in the satchel that needed the work. 

“I guess we gotta start small. I can’t say I know everything about ya. This is a good chance!” 

“I didn’t invite you so you could interrogate me Detective.” 

“It’s Sonny.” The prompt response, peeking up from the folders with a serious expression that took earned the younger a surprised blink of those warm chocolate colored eyes. 

“Come again?” 

Shaking his head, the Staten Island man’s hand waved to the other, “You’re Rafael and I’m Sonny. Don’t call me Detective when outside o’work; it’s weird.” His own nose wrinkled. 

“I…. we….” A clear of the throat then composed expression on Barba’s face. “We are colleagues, it’s only appropriate.” 

“Please? As a personal request, call me Sonny or Carisi I guess, I gotta forget about work every now and again. Especially when I’ve got great company!” He continued to push for his name to be spoken. It was more of a hidden desire to see those lips form the letters to his name and that Cuban accent peeking through; it was mesmerizing. 

Rafael was uncertain what to say. Breaking the barrier was calling one another by the last name but it seemed like a completely different level of connection with first names. 

It was as if they wanted to really understand one another. It made him shake his head then offer a nod, “Alright…. Sonny it is then.” It was a risky move but tonight was all about risks. His heart in his throat from the small uttering of such a simple nickname. His own ears heard them in a different context and it was shamelessly thought on. So deep into the gutter was his mind that when the waiter returned, ‘Sonny’ had taken the opportunity to order them some starters. 

The detective’s lips curled into a smile that was pleased and satisfied he had gotten his way. 

“Thanks Rafael. I got us some simple things I could pronounce like Deviled Eggs and Wontons.” He commented before opening the file, spreading out some of the documents and notes to share it with the attorney who only scooted closer though no complaint would come from either. 

The waiter would find them both deep in thought with the slowly unfolding case and unconsciously one another. 

\--

Time seemed to be going too fast now. 

When had 6 had become 7 then 8 and eventually the 9 that it is now. The two of them composing the report for Olivia while simultaneously discussing most everything to one another. 

Sports Teams. Travel plans. Favorite Color. Workout Routines. Even cologne. 

The typical scenario for a date. It was a secretly celebrated accomplishment of both men unbeknownst to each other. 

They really learned even the small facts like how Rafael preferred to drink his coffee black from his grandfather getting him accustomed to its taste and how he would go running every Saturday with his elderly neighbor only to be beat by him every time. The old man a marathon runner. Sonny enjoyed reading about mysteries and often pretended to be the villain instead of the hero; it gave him a criminal prospective in addition, the detective loved to collect baseball cards in his spare time. The sport very near and dear to his heart from his father’s days of taking him to Yankees stadium. 

A light yet consistent beeping on Carisi’s watch broke him away from staring at Barba’s concentrated expression and resist the temptation to reach over. To let his hand hook underneath that chin, give it a tug to see those eyes directly into his own as the distance between their faces would close; it was a distant dream. 

The bubble bursting effectively by the chime. Rafael’s confused face was equally remarkable to the rest of the neatly categorized faces in Sonny’s mind. Once a profiler always a profiler. This one was a tiny wrinkle of the nose and eyes widening despite clear fatigue. 

“What is that?” 

“I got my DVR programmed for Real Housewives of New York so I set my watch for it.” His face stoic yet his façade dying inside of laughter at the incredulous look. 

“You’re joking right? Why is it I can’t tell if you’re joking or not?” 

“It’s ‘cause I’ve got a good poker face.” The younger’s eyebrows wiggled as he shifted said face into the personal space bubble. Barba not minding or not moving, either way; he stayed where he sat.

“No, it’s because I think you might actually like that show.” This prompted choking noises from Carisi and full laughter from the attorney. “It’s alright, there’s no shame in it.”

“It’s my chiming to get my ass home. I spend some real late nights at the office…. Since I don’t have someone to call me and harass me to go home, my watch has to play my nagging partner.” 

Rafael’s laughter lightened till he tilted his head curiously to the side, “Why is that?” 

“Ah, that’s probably a conversation meant for another day.” The response muttered in a yawn, purposely done to cover up his hesitance to respond. He knew why he was single and it did not have to be present to said object of current affections. Their new-found friendship would be destroyed. 

With the small awkward silence, Carisi asked for the bill and both men got to their feet to shrug on their coats; a sudden heavy atmosphere around them. 

\--

Outside the bar, the rain had stopped and the lights reflecting on the wet puddles. The Detective stood straight and rolled his neck left then right to pull any kink from it, a hand moving to rub the back of the nape lightly. 

The Assistant District Attorney was next to pop beside him, unconsciously close to that side then watched him. 

“You need a massage. It isn’t good for you to be so tense. You’re young and have so much going for you.” He commented in concern and chidingly. 

Carisi contemplated for a moment to respond before his hand paused and blue eyes turned seriously towards the shorter male. “Are you offering Rafael?” 

A blink of brown irises and a sharp look made lips turn upside down into a firm frown, “That isn’t funny.” 

During their conversation in the bar, there had been talk about their preferences in relationships and it was obvious that the Latino was gay and pining for men. The Detective with his Catholic upbringing only remained surprised considering the way the man presented himself was the complete opposite of general expectation. 

The small temptation ever coursing through Carisi's mind as it had been when he tried to woo his partner from the squad and clearly ended nowhere. 

Especially in this situation where alcohol, long night conversations that were in depth could lead to misunderstandings; they could lead to mistakes. 

“What if I wasn’t jokin’?” The four beers and shot of tequila definitely loosened the taller’s inhibitions. His eyes darkening in hue as he leaned forward his head as offering his nape. 

“You’re a drunk fool. Call a cab and go home.” The attorney’s hand lifted to push that head back and away from his personal space yet as fingers made contact onto that surprisingly soft hair; they only seemed to curl slowly and lift the other’s head. 

Their eyes joining in a staring contest, faces mere inches away at this point and their liquor filled breaths were tangling together into smoke. 

Chests breathing more rapidly by the second, the ticking of Carisi’s watch moving with said seconds and words were unspoken. 

Rafael’s eyes were the first to break the connection as they turned to gaze at the sidewalk as if interested at the piece of stuck gum on the pavement. His eyelids closing them as he inhaled and slowly released his hold on that hair with much needed willpower. The younger was not having any of that. 

The right hand caught forward to wrap itself like a viper against the waist of the Latino lawyer, the palm and fingers curling into the black rain coat while its partner escaped from Sonny’s left side to catch that chin and pull that gaze back. 

Sharp eyes that tossed icy glares were in effect and yet…. Held no strength to back away. 

“I wasn’ jokin’ Rafael….” He murmured as his head shifted closer and closer; pausing about an inch away from thin lips and waiting. Waiting for a sign to know if they were making this mistake, it would be together. 

Unknown to them both, another also stood in the shadows of the alleyway near the pub, waiting for that mistake to cost them. That one move that will give a means to an end.  
-To be continued….


	4. Irresistible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So difficult it is to establish to pursue or not....to question oneself is to give in to oneself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUTHOR NOTE: 
> 
> I have been adjusting to my new work-schedule that has me behind but I am hoping to give this chapter and another tomorrow to make-up on my own update schedule. Be on the look out for it and feel free to read my other work, "When in Rome" (shameless promo), in the meantime. Thank you to all my readers! I do value you and enjoy your kudos.

Chapter 4: Irresistible 

HOW could he say no? 

Giving in always seemed so much simpler. Do now and think later. 

It would be a sin in of itself to refuse those blue eyes and practically pleading expression that held a tint of seduction and a whole lot of lust. 

…. Drunken lust. 

Those ocean colored irises were darker in hue from the alcohol consumption, those lips expelling heavy breaths that carried the scent of fine liquor, and the sweaty fingers around Rafael’s wrist all led to the anticipation of unbridled lust. 

He knew that his pulse was quickened in equal desire. The desire to just throw caution to the wind and yield to the moment was overpowering. 

The attorney’s hand that continued to found itself entrapping locks of that sandy hair firmly to keep that head poised. That face so close, dangerously lingering inward to his own had him hold a breath.

Closing his eyelids, it was if prompting permission to continue and seal those tantalizing three inches of space till they snapped open once more. 

He could not do this. Not again. 

An image flitted past his eyes of a younger version of himself and his ex-best friend, Alex Munoz. 

He had crushed on the boy from the Barrio so hard it made him wince at night from the thought of being apart. His best friend had been through everything with him, he had become his idol and protector from the bullies due to his small stature. 

A childhood dream that turned nightmare all too quickly. 

One day, the two had been caught in a compromising position, one that neither seemed inclined to pull away from similar to his current state nor just gave in. It had pretty much been amateur caresses, clacking teeth with joined lips in hurried yet forbidden kisses as well as hormones of two teens who were sexually exploring. 

Yes. 

It had been so amazing, to let free and enjoy the feel and pull of his then best friend; touching, experimenting, never feeling dirty because it was HIS friend. Someone he could trust with his life. 

…. Then Yelina came. 

The girl whose smile could turn heads, whose twinkling eyes were exotic and her tongue sharper than a grown man’s. 

Yelina, the woman who would ultimately grow to prove Alex’s sexual preference was towards women and showed Rafael his inclination to men. ‘The summer of discovery’ thought bitterly the ADA to himself. She had essentially meshed herself between the pair back in the day and retained Alex’s attention far better than Rafael could. 

Who was he to win to a woman for a straight man? Never. 

It was the year that he worked hard and threw himself to the books. He had been determined to prove that if he was not better as a partner, that he was better overall as a person. 

The small regret at never admitting his feelings to his friend lingered for a good time. Even till recently when seeing him again with criminal charges brought for child pornography. Love sometimes covered the monster that brewed inside them all and he had suffered for it. 

No. 

This time would be different because he would say no before the trap pulled him in. 

A blink of his brown eyes, his expression suddenly sobered up and resolute. His hand pulling away from the no longer slicked back hair belonging to one Sonny Carisi and settled onto a cheek to push his face away. 

“Whether you’re joking or not, you’re drunk off your ass. Go home, now.” His voice steely and reserve solid even though the surprised gaze he received in return was heartbreaking. 

“But I don’ understand….” Sonny’s voice was slightly slurred as he was pushed away. The younger was so surprised that his fingers released their grip on the fabric of that waistcoat and the lean wrist. 

Rafael only shook his head in return, turning his back to the younger and taking a few steps to the curb to wave his hand down to get a cab to stop. With his frame turned, he did not anticipate a weight to suddenly settle onto him from behind; long, strong arms securing themselves around his waist in an awkward hug. “What’re you doing?” 

“Come on Raffie, give me a chance.” A small squeeze of those arms against him and the warmth made the attorney hesitate in his movement. 

No one had ever called him “Raffie” since Alex. 

So the spill of the shortening of his name made him twitch and return with fervor to remove himself from this situation. The Latino pushed at those hands that were strong like a viper, cursing under his breath, “Maldita sea…. porque yo…let go.” 

“I don’t wanna…” A child-like rebuttal was his response to his mumbling.

His determination was slowly ebbing away while he had to lean away when Sonny’s lips lingering on the nape of his neck and whispering nonsense. They did also seem to be nestling tiny kisses to which made him bite his lower lip.

“I refuse. You do know that no means no, don’t you?” 

This statement made the younger pause in sloppily pressing kisses at the back of that hairline to stand straight and pull away almost swiftly. 

“Yea…. maybe…. depends the situation.” 

The elder of the two turned sharply to chide the other only to see the cab pause next to them. 

His hand reaching for the door handle and the other gripping onto Carisi’s elbow to grip then promptly shoving the fellow into the vehicle. 

“No. Just go home and clear your head. You’ll forget about this in the morning.” 

Sonny’s frame reluctantly moved with the firm tugging as he half collapsed into the cab and rolled down the window. He may have been drunk but his intentions were nonetheless real. 

At the mention of forgetting, a firm frown was on his lips that he had to say, “I won’ forget and I WILL bring this up tomorrow…” He turned to sit straight and direct the driver his address and as they pulled away, the younger gazed out of the rearview mirror to see the attorney standing there on the curb. 

WHY did he say no? 

This question plagued Carisi’s alcohol-bridled mind that he was ideally distracted the whole trip and peeking back on occasion. 

\--

Given that he lived about a block up the way from the club, Barba made sure get Carisi on his way with worn satchel and all; his arms crossing over one another on his chest as a replacement for the detective’s missing heat. 

He figured he should start the trek up towards his condo till his thoughts were interrupted by a voice. 

“A penny for your thoughts, Councilor?” 

This made the ADA turn around so swiftly he almost tripped into a puddle, his eyes narrowing in the bare dim light coming from the bar to see who was speaking to him. 

“Walker? What’re you doing here?” 

Standing before him was Robert Walker, the lanky lawyer from that morning; his attire read he had not been home yet either. Yet, Rafael had not seen him inside the bar to greet him or it was more that he was distracted with the awkward detective to notice much else of his surroundings. 

“Same as you. Having a drink.” 

“Or looking for your next desperate client? These are tougher fish to represent.” 

Robert’s expression contorted into one of barely veiled anger as he stepped forward into the space vacated by Carisi and stared down into Rafael’s eyes coldly. “Are you insinuating something?” 

“I meant no offense –“

“Are you saying I can’t make ends with the people of THIS area?” 

“I think you’re overreacting and very close.” The Assistant District Attorney took a small step back to put distance between them then shaking his head dismissively. 

Robert would only narrow his eyes then scoffing as he waved a hand around them in the pitch black night, only the sidewalk glistening with the diluted rainwater. 

“Believe me, there’s plenty of souls in need of my help. You don’t have to look in the Projects to find a dastardly person.” 

Rafael only held up his hands calmly and even chuckled, “This is very true. Then I wish you the best of luck on your fishing expedition.” With that, the Latino turned on his heel to start his trek home and not thinking much of the lawyer whose glare followed. 

“A safe trip home Barba … the streets are filled with the strangest of folks at night.” He muttered in return. Cool narrowed eyes watching the back before turning on own heels to trail the opposite direction. 

\--

The tiny trip from the yellow cab with the screaming driver to his own apartment was all a blur; Sonny barely noticed when he had pulled out the cash to hand over. 

All he knew was now he was in the dark area by his door to the one bedroom apartment, reaching blindly for the switch on the wall. The light contributing to his already growing headache with its brightness against his worn out eyes only made him frown. 

Feet toeing off shoes to their holding place at the doorway, fingers working off his denim jacket to hang on an awaiting rack and finally his frame slowly trailed towards his couch and plop onto the soft cushions. 

A sigh escaping his lips as a small cat came to nuzzle against his side, begging attention and mewling softly. 

“Hey hey heeeey little lady. Did you miss me?” 

The answering meow and purr was enough to sober the detective who sat in the dark, idly pondering the night’s events. 

He had been having a good time – no – a great time. The attorney had been really opening up to him: from the little tidbits to the big revelation of his sexual preference. It just slipped out, very unintentionally. 

His long digits trailed into the soft fur calmly as he recollected. 

-Flashback- 

“So I tied up the perp with my belt an’ Amanda was tellin’ me I had some kinda kink cause I tied ‘im up real good and fast. I swear my face turned so fucking red….” 

Carisi had mentioned four drinks into the conversation; slouched in his chair as he was very animatedly demonstrating the tying motion with his belt wrapped around one of his own wrists. 

The attorney only snorting in laughter at the lively demo by his drunken companion, all eyes glancing at them in the corner with distaste or confusion; it made him smile. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t refute that.” 

“How could I? It’s kinda true about the kink… I just kept thinkin’. Damn did she figure me out?” 

That statement made Rafael choke on his food, having eaten a wonton, now coughing as he tried to catch himself. 

“You’re saying that on purpose to kill me.” 

“No way! I’d regret killin’ ya unless it was with my killer smile.” A smile now on Sonny’s features that mimicked that of the Latino’s and noting it lifted his companion’s expression considerably that the younger could not help but stare. 

The Assistant District Attorney rubbed at his throat and glared teasingly to the detective. 

“Well you’re doing a good job with your wise-cracks, not appreciated.” 

“Aw come on, I wasn’t lying. I practically aired my dirty laundry with that.” 

“Yes, to the whole squad and me. What were you hoping to accomplish?” 

Sonny shifted to slip back on his belt against his waist before leaning forward and whispering. “I am hoping to get some of your laundry.” 

“That sounds stalker-like…” 

“No, you totally took that outta context. Too smart for me Rafael.” He laughed in defeat. 

The Hispanic male settled his chin onto a hand, peeking over with calm eyes and smirked, “So you like to tie people do you?” 

The SVU detective only cleared his throat, reaching for a glass of water, and then nodded his head with a slight tint of red to his face; whether from being drunk or embarrassed, it was too late to go back. 

“Yes, I do. I guess it’s sorta the thrill of controllin’. I’m a control freak and feel pissed when I lose my cool.” 

“I can imagine so… do the women you end your nights with agree with your desire? Or do you go another way?” 

“Nah, all my ex-girlfriends thought I was a weirdo trying to pull off a sick fantasy and wouldn’t let me try. As for other way…you mean…like….” 

“With men. Yes.” The statement so blunt with eyes honing in on him like a hawk now. 

Carisi’s hand lifted to rub the back of his neck as he looked up to the ceiling then back down, “I can’t say that I’ve thought about it honestly.” 

“It’s alright, you seem very straight-laced and a good Catholic boy.” 

A frown on his features, “Hey, I’m not that straight-laced…I just….uh. WAIT. Does that mean you’re not?” 

“If you mean I bat for our team, you’re right. I’ve never looked at a woman with so much as a desire to kiss her much less….” A shudder escaping the lawyer’s frame as he reached for another glass of whiskey to toss back with a sigh. 

This time it was the Detective’s turn to look incredulous and stare. “No way…” 

“I understand if you’re disgusted … “

“No! That’s not it at all!” 

Dark brown eyes peered over into blue ones confused yet hopeful they had not scared away their companion. “Then…?” 

“I only meant. Well … you’re always going to fancy shindigs with beautiful women so I figured …” 

“I am a political and news figure Sonny. I have to keep up appearances if only for professional purposes. Trust me, I send them on their way home at the end of the night and go home alone as well.” 

A tilt of his head, Sonny leaned closer unconsciously and definitely into the personal space bubble with a shake of his head, “Such a shame.” 

“What? That I’m gay?” 

“No, those women are really missin’ out.” 

It was the attorney’s turn to become red in the face and sputter as if indignant before waving the other away from him all the while Carisi thought the look was terribly adorable. 

-End Flashback- 

The meowing of his cat bringing him back to the present moment and he blinked out of his trance. 

“Ah sorry Clara….I was in a daze.” 

Sonny leaned against the cushions of the couch, eyes peeking up to the ceiling that had lights streaming in from the streetlights then chuckled. 

For as far as he knew, he was straight as an arrow; his sexual inclination was always towards vivacious women with curves his hands could dig into and breasts his face would nestle into for comfort. 

Their long hair fanning onto the white pillows and sheets of hotel rooms (never sticking long enough to bring one home), painted lips turned into “o” from their pleasure and heightened desires and of course general endless supply. 

He was a pretty decent looking guy.

His tall stature working charms over the opposite gender, his blue eyes being cooed at constantly and even his frame was that of an Olympic swimmer… not that he even knew how to swim. 

Sonny Carisi was a typical man, who desired women, would eventually marry and have at least three kids in his lifetime. An American Dream.

And yet … a desire that overcame him was one to be deliberated on. 

The younger had felt almost betrayed by Rafael to say he had desires for men or perhaps jealous? If he was jealous, then this would put in perspective his way of living. 

As he had been raised as to a stringent and devote Catholic family, it had been engraved into his mind that he had to find himself a beautiful wife and be forever faithful to her along with his children. His parents had envisioned himself and his sister to be diligent in following the entire teachings of the Bible, yet they were both behind on the concept. His sister, Rebecca, is a single mother of the most adorable little girl and was doing a great job at raising her alone. The father had left at the first signs of pregnancy yet Sonny was supporting them both as best he could. 

His parents often questioning him during family events where his wife was or when he was getting married; it often made him feel pressured by their expectations and those he grew up with. 

Their pride came from the prospect of grandchildren not that he was a Detective or going to night-school to become a full-fledged lawyer. 

Rafael was proud of him. The ADA told him so himself when he had helped him prep for a difficult case in court about two weeks prior during this serial killer case and the other was dependent on him as a Detective and as a partner. It was the most rewarding feeling Sonny had ever felt. 

So perhaps jealousy was appropriate. 

He is jealous that rare smile was shared with so many others beside him; especially bed partners. The thought of other men all over the Latino had made his blood boil; in addition to the alcohol, his inhibition was lowered and his hands acted. 

It felt amazing to grasp onto that frame with boldness and only regretted letting him go.

No, perhaps he was not full blown gay or found every man attractive; but the attorney was an exception. 

“He’s irresistible and the one I’d change the rules for Clara….what do you think?” 

The cat’s eyes blinked in the dark before curling up into his lap and purred firmly. 

“You’re right. He’s the exception.” Sonny laughed lightly as he nodded to himself, a new determination as he would sort himself as time came. It was how he did everything in life. 

To be continued....


	5. Desperate Measures Requires...Finesse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia receives a threatening message that leaves the team scattered to catch up ... while Sonny's plans to get to Rafael are placed on the back-burner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( Super sorry on late updates, this shift is murdering my soul. But I wanted to give you guys a good-one! Sorry if the grammar/spelling is off; I had little time to proofread but as always let me know if you're liking the plot! :) )

Chapter 5: Desperate Measures Require Finesse 

Olivia knew something was different. She did not know what or perhaps who seemed the strangest behavior wise; but there was something different to her Detective and the ADA the next morning. 

It had been a relatively calm morning for her to say the least. Noah had not struggled to put his clothes on and run about the house like the playful child he was, the nanny came promptly to drop him off and her coffee with croissant was ready all hot and warm at her corner bakery. 

By all standards, beyond normal; perhaps that was the universe’s way of telling her it would actually be mean by playing pretend and in fact be strange. 

She was greeted by the sight of Amanda leaning on her desk, hip against it with Michael Dodds speaking in a very close bubble. The blonde had a worn smile on her features that Olivia had not seen since her daughter was born. It was like intruding in an intimate scene of little birds fluffing their features for attention. Amanda’s hair was down and being tossed over an ear; that smile growing by the second as she spoke in her Southern drawl while the newest addition to their group would only laugh in return, his arms crossing over his torso while his face leaned close into her space. 

This made the Captain’s brows raise and shake her head, “If you’re going to be doing that, I’d say to save it for later.” 

Mike peeked up, blinked lightly, then hopped away so quickly that the man tripped over a waste-basket and promptly landed on his ass unceremoniously. This made Amanda cover her mouth to stifle laughter and turn away. His face contorted into one of surprise. 

“Uh Oli---Captain…I wasn’t … WE weren’t…” 

“I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything. I want both of you to prep for target practice and let Carisi and Fin know to do the same when they get in.” She held up her hand to be stern as her feet carried her away towards her office, leaving Dodds on the floor only to have Amanda lend a hand to hoist him up. 

The man brushed off his backside, a clear of his throat, his eyes turning to the woman who was left. “Well that was impressive.” 

“It’s okay rookie, the Captain knows you’re all by the book under that layer of seriousness.” She moved her fingers onto her eyebrows to push together and a mock frown on her face. 

Mike only opened his mouth agape before laughing further, “Excuse me, are you saying I have a uni-brow?” 

“You could use a little pluck and tweeze, I have a woman in Chinatown that works magic,” her hands now moving to cover her mouth in laughter, blue eyes twinkling with amusement. 

A low growl escaped the sergeant as his large hands reached forward to grasp her wrists and pull away, “Don’t hide behind laughter you rude woman.” 

Amanda paused in her laughter, her gaze trails down to his fingers that were rough in texture but gentle in grip; her pulse beating a little faster and made her lips contort into a soft smile. “You’re just sad that I’m so honest.” 

“Does the uni-brow for me at least?” A whisper murmured past Mike’s lips as he looked into the blonde’s eyes and not realizing their proximity had closed to only a foot apart. 

“Why are you two so damn close?” A voice broke the spell, making both younger detectives peek to the doorway where Fin stood with an amused Carisi behind him. 

“Watch out Dodds, her Papa bear’s here—uff!” The lanky male’s remark earned him an elbow to the ribs by the gruff and senior officer of the group who only glared at Mike while glancing chidingly at Amanda. 

The new mother only snickered, her cheeks painted a tint of red before pulling her wrists back and trailing over to the newcomers. 

“Captain says to get geared up for target practice and I guess we’re pairing up for situational training too.” 

Rubbing his chest, Sonny’s grin was still crooked in a tease as he settled his satchel into his chair, “I’m guessin’ you wanna partner with the sarge Amanda? You two looked super cosy.” 

“The ribs Fin hasn’t broken… I will finish breaking.” The blonde moved to shake her fist in his face. 

His hands went up in front of him and laughed, “You didn’t deny anything.” 

Amanda sputtered and pulled her hand back to swing at his hands that were shielding his face before turning on her heel to head downstairs to their training range.

“And again, she still didn’t deny it.” The smug look on Carisi’s face was turned smaller from the glare Fin tossed him as he followed after the woman yet he paused in step and turned back. 

“She’s going to be MY partner. You go with Dodds.” The African-American commented to both younger men and walked off before either could protest. 

Mike could only clear his throat as he moved to grab his gun from his desk, nestling it into its holster. Sonny mimicked the motion as he snickered as he went to pat the other’s shoulder as he passed, “You have quite the hurdle to jump my friend.” And with that, he suddenly felt a lot closer to the Sergeant considering their goals for a relationship would be equally challenging. He made a mental note to take the other drinking to discuss this one day. 

\--

The Lieutenant removed her fingers from the blinds after she had pulled them down, the calm sound of them ruffling back into place matched her soft smile. 

She was happy to see the playful banter of her team; it showed they were still human and despite seeing the worst of the worst circumstances, they still kept their good humor and sense of normalcy. It was a relief to a woman who had only recently felt more relaxed than she had so many years on the job. A big factor was her son, Noah; who made her feel complete.

Of course the past couple of months with Ed Tucker had been relatively wonderful as well. His companionship is both familiar as it was welcomed considering they knew one another very well prior to involvement.

She gazed about her office to reminisce to how she got to where she currently stood.

Hundreds of cases, millions of unslept hours spent, partners that had changed so quickly after Elliot had left and yet she remained strong. This Ghost Killer was hitting their own crowd hard and as much as they wanted to collapse like an empire from within with the pressure of the mayor and media, the NYPD was hanging strong.   
It was a sense of pride she had not felt in forever. 

Her musings cut with the ringtone she had assigned to Barba on her cellphone chiming. The most recent ADA was one she surprisingly got close to in a short time.

Perhaps it was their sense of going the distance and not letting mitigating circumstances stop from getting justice for victims. It was not that none of the other ADAs had done the same, but perhaps it was Rafael’s shortcomings and poor background that gave him the image of a hard-working man who could easily relate to the importance of pushing through a search warrant at his own expense or prep a victim thoroughly so they were set to be cross-examined. 

Her fingers curled against the phone, was about to press the button to answer till it stopped ringing altogether and a small image of “voicemail – 1” appeared. 

“So impatient… as always,” She laughed before fixing it to hear the message on speaker and set the device onto the mahogany desk. Olivia moved to situate herself into her chair while reaching for a case file calmly. 

The voice on the other side of the phone was not that of the Hispanic male… it was low and monotone with a small lisp so it was hard to decipher gender. 

“Good morning Detective Benson, this will be your first and your final warning. Stay out of our way; we are doing God’s work in ridding the world of temptation and this…Hispanic filth. As you can see… we have easy access to your ADA’s cell line... Imagine what would happen if we accessed his HOME or OFFICE?” A small pause as heavy coughing came through before the voice continued. “Would he be safe? You will never catch us…. So stop before it is too late to save the damned.” 

The message sounded pre-recorded yet daunting in its threat and froze her. 

Olivia was quick to get to her feet and already reaching for the device, making sure to save the message then call back the line. It was dead. No tone, no ring. 

Her free hand reached for her office phone to dial the District Attorney’s office herself; her teeth clenching unconsciously, “Come on, pick up pick up…” 

“Good morning, thank you for calling the District Attorney’s Office, my name is Sharon-“ 

“Sharon, this is Detective Olivia Benson from Special Victim’s unit.” 

“Oh hello Detective! How can I --- “

“I need to speak to ADA Barba right now ---“ 

“I’m sorry Detective; I haven’t seen him ….which is actually strange. Hold please I’ll go see if his assistant has seen him.” Olivia was suddenly put on hold and her nerves were on edge. Her hand gripping onto the cellphone that held critical evidence tightly that the buttons on the side were indenting into her fingers. 

It seemed almost an eternity till the click came back, “Hello?!” 

“Hi Detective Benson, this is Cynthia. Mr. Barba is not in at the moment … I tried his cell and he isn’t answering. Should I take a message?” The assistant inquired. 

“If he does come in prior to me getting there, please call my cellphone immediately.” She hung up after providing the number and the worry on the other side had not gone unnoticed, yet the Lieutenant had not wanted to add extra paranoia.   
Her feet carried her out of the office and downstairs as rapidly as she instructed a couple of uniforms to drive to Rafael’s home address while she rallied the rest to the Attorney’s office. 

\--

On the elevator ride down to the basement, a frown ever planted on her face as she trailed to the shooting cages where the sounds of guns being fired were noted in the background. The voicemail playing over as she walked to the trainer, ears plugged with her own fingers, before she urged him to stop their actions. 

The trainer waving up his hand, “Attention, the Lieutenant is here.” 

Dodds peeked up first since he was closest to the trainer and noted Olivia’s frowning expression. “Olivia? What is it?” 

“Lieu?” Sonny chimed in after as he set his gun down onto the table while Amanda removed her headset then Fin following suit. 

“We need to go to the District Attorney’s office now, I’ll explain on the way.” 

She waved them to follow her in suit, rapidly moving back over to the elevator as the sense of urgency was evident in her tone. 

In the elevator she briefed them about the voicemail, the lack of communication with Barba, and her team reacted on auto-pilot. 

“I have a couple of uniforms going to his apartment, I want Carisi to come with me to the office; Fin and Dodds, go see if those unis need help. Amanda, stay here in case he comes. ” She ordered firmly. 

The blonde peeking up at her, incredulous that she had to stay behind, before blue eyes blinked at her boss’ expression of panic before nodding, “Will do Captain.” 

Their issued guns holstered, badges clipped to their person and running out of the door with their jackets in tow. The Assistant District Attorney had dropped off the radar simultaneously to the threat made on his person; it was an unspoken fear that the killer had gotten to him. 

\--

Olivia sat alongside Sonny as he drove them at neck breaking speed to the DA’s office. 

She is a profiler and a well-versed one, so she could easily read his tension was one more notably different to the rest.

“Carisi, are you alright? Want me to drive?” 

“No Cap, I’ll be fine… as soon as I know he’s safe.” 

“According to their message, they had made a threat… there was no indication they had taken action...” 

The Staten Island native cursed at the usual New York traffic that congested all the streets despite his blaring sirens. His fingers gripping the steering wheel like a vice they were turning red. “I should’ve walked ‘im home before takin’ the cab…why didn’t I?” 

“You can’t start thinking like that. We haven’t confirmed that he was targeted. This person, this GROUP, could be doing this as a ploy to throw us off. And wait, what do you mean, walk him home?” She turned her attention to the young man, whose eyes were honed forward. 

“We went out for drinks last night after work and it was late when we went our separate ways… I …I just grabbed a cab and left ‘im on the curb.” Because he was dead drunk and molesting the Latino that he was sent home empty-handed his mind completed the thought. He brooded as he drove on. 

The woman turned sharply to gaze at her Detective. He was an honest man, normally went by the book and rarely deviated from plans. He was also perceived as straight, so for his anger to seem more so than a friend had her eyes narrowed as she analyzed him. She was aware of Barba’s orientation and picked up the hints on his not so subtle affection towards Sonny; so to hear they went out the night before made her wary. 

“And you didn’t take notice of any strange people about?” 

“Let’s be real Lieu, there’s always weird people at night, especially in New York. I just…. never mind… let’s just say that I over-stepped boundaries and was pushed into going home. I wasn’t thinking straight enough to notice.” 

“Do I want to know what boundaries we’re talking about?” Her voice stern. 

His shoulders notably sagged yet his grip ever steady, “Not really…it’s something we gotta talk through. Me an’ ‘im.” 

Her hand came to rub at her forehead, the other grasping her cellphone like a lifeline and ready to answer for any call. 

She had already sent the message over to TARU for analysis and try to isolate how the perps had been able to mimic Barba’s cell line. 

“Whatever you’re thinking of, stop thinking it. We’re here let’s go.” 

She demanded as he parked the car and she stepped out. His fingers prying themselves from the wheel as he winced having to flex the tension from them. 

\--

The two of them rapidly running up the steps, into the offices and felt their hearts pounding in their ears as they spoke to the assistant who confirmed Rafael had not arrived yet; which felt wrong considering his punctual nature. 

“Cynthia, you’re certain he didn’t call to say he would be arriving late or anything correct?” 

“That’s right Detective Benson… he’s usually very punctual or calls ahead.” 

“Has anyone been to visit prior to us being here?” 

The assistant’s face frowned momentarily as if contemplating before shaking her head. “Since it is still fairly early… there are no visitors scheduled for an early meeting.” 

“Alright, we’re going to investigate his office to see if there’s any sign that an altercation took place here prior to your arrival.” 

“You don’t think someone would harm Mr. Barba do you?” The younger woman gasped, paling considerably which was a feat of itself since she was of a pale complexion. 

The lieutenant only held up a hand, “I am not saying anything of the sort … but it is precautionary.” 

Olivia went inside and peeked about the pristine office.

She reached over for the phone on the desk to check for any messages that may have been left, filtering through them while Carisi went to analyzing the room firmly. 

He wanted to make sure no little detail was missed since the area was meticulous; perhaps too meticulous. His hands pulling books and volumes of encyclopedias that mimicked his own from the large shelves and then moving onto the photos that hung on the wall along with certifications. 

There was one of the ADA as a young man with his mother, another when he graduated and an expression of confidence that was well warranted he was sure, and last one with him and Alex; the man who had ran for Mayor a while back.   
It was common knowledge now the friendship the pair had had once upon a time. Sonny recalled how stunned Barba had been when the accusation had been brought up. How the Hispanic attorney had become wound up so tightly, he refused to let anyone read his thoughts on the matter; they had presumed his anger was for the sake of Alex’s wife. 

After last night’s conversation and the way the elder reacted to his advances, albeit drunken ones, the younger detective came to the realization that it had been for Alex himself that the hesitance developed. 

It was probably a first time love in a confusing time in adolescent youth, but all and all, the man had gone on to marry his first sweetheart. 

The crushed expression Rafael exhibited after the trial at the airing of the dirty laundry his friend had brought about himself was equally devastating. Perhaps he was reliving disappointment once more? Or was there more to it? 

He felt a frown appear on his features and blue eyes narrowing dangerously. 

It was mocking him. Did Barba still harbor affections towards a man clearly out of his reach and undeserving of his devotion? To the outside eye, he had set the record straight on where he stood in defending Alex from the sex allegations; yet he had been reluctant to give into Carisi. Granted, Sonny was not in his right mind and probably going with the flow without thoroughly understanding the territory with “courting” a colleague, especially one who was much more prosperous than himself and clearly had options of any partner. 

The night before, he had put in some serious thought into what he wanted. What did he want from the attorney? It definitely was more than friendship. 

He reached for the frame in question with his right hand that held the offending image of the two men beaming and arms around one another; his blood boiled and his left palm curling into a tight fist. He was furious. He was jealous. And he was in panic. All of those emotions in a whirlwind created an unfathomable reaction out of him. 

Rafael was missing and he felt responsible for not paying him mind the night before; at least not in any way that would help now. 

Sonny instinctively pulled up the frame above his head, about to slam it down onto the ground, before yelling could be heard from Olivia.

“Carisi! What’re you doing?!” 

“He shouldn’t have this in here…. Of HIM of all people!” 

“That isn’t yours; put it back before he jails your ass for destruction of private property.” A frown on her features at her detective’s outburst. This was not like the young man at all. 

“He isn’t here to hold me into contempt Liv… he isn’t here; if he got captured, it’s only going to be another 24 hours before….” 

“No. You stop RIGHT now.” She growled as a ringing came from her cellphone that startled the pair of them. Her hand was pulling the device to her ear immediately and not even seeing the caller ID. “Barba?!” 

“Sorry Liv, it’s just Fin. We made it to his apartment and he’s not here either. But someone WAS here, the place is trashed and the unis you sent….well….let’s just say they must have got caught in Barba’s place.” 

“…. How bad?” 

“One of ‘em has a gaping wound on his head, probably from a lamp Dodds found on the floor broken and barely breathing… and his partner was thrown outta the window, there must’ve been an altercation cause the coffee table’s broken. We found ‘em on a balcony about three floors down.” He mumbled into the phone while Mike could be heard cursing out in the background. “They didn’t stand a chance Liv, the perp had the element of surprise; we got CSU coming to process…I’m assumin’ that Barba isn’t in the office either.” 

“No he’s not, dammit. Alright, check in with Amanda to have her contact the families of the officers.” A sigh escaping her lips as she hung up with Fin and peeked to the awaiting Carisi. “He’s not there at his place, but someone was waiting for him. The units got the blow… they’re dead.” 

That was like the end all as Sonny tossed the picture to the floor and heard the shards crack on the floor; the sound of his own heart breaking followed suit, “Fuck! Now what? You know we haven’t gotten close to this guy till we get a body! We can’t wait for that Liv!” 

“We’re going to go back and interview those two in the holding cells and see where – “ 

“What the hell did you do to my picture?” An accented voice chimed in incredulously from the doorway. 

A pair of wide eyes from both detectives looked sharply to see the figure of Rafael Barba in a jogger’s suit, panting and huffing like crazy while drenched in sweat. His face was trying very hard to not look angry or annoyed as he looked between them; he had no clue as to why they were there and was about to be clued in…. 

To be continued.


	6. Body Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barba's found unharmed and explains his own unconscious "close encounter" while Amanda's super productivity makes for a break in the case!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Hi all! Yes, super delayed chapter - Vaca mode and small writer's block- I've been terrible. So please enjoy this extra long chapter (longer than usual) and feel free to read my side one-shot "He Knows the Way He Moves". I do plan to do little one shots here and there of Carisi/Barba, Dodds/Rollins, or Benson/Tucker to explore the outside of their thoughts and such so be on the look-out for those. 
> 
> As always, kudos/comments are welcomed and loved! Enjoy and sorry again for the delay -_____- )

Chapter 6: 

Time stood still for what seemed like 50 years as the three in the room looked over one another in a mixture of surprise, shock and anger; the latter of the three being emitted by the attorney. 

“Did something happen?” Rafael commented despite glancing to the now broken photograph on the floor then over to the man who had done the deed. He stepped into the room, sporting that two piece blue track suit that had been just for show and now was dutifully put to use. His hair tousled, lips parted to catch his breath as if he had just run a marathon, and eyes looking expectantly. 

When neither Olivia nor Carisi moved, he trailed forward to nudge the taller man out of the way to crouch and reach for his frame; the picture in tact but the glass scattered on the burgundy carpet. “No entiendo porqué lo hizo…” He grumbled under his breath to himself. 

His hands nearly dropped the frame once more in surprise when a set of long arms hooked themselves slowly, yet securely around his waist from behind and a face nestled into his sweaty locks of hair. “What---“

“Where have you been?” It was a soft question compared to the normally loud and boisterous demeanor of the lanky detective. 

“I beg your pardon?” 

This prompted him to be turned around, face to face with Carisi so swiftly his hands squished between their torsos, eyes widening from the sudden proximity of their faces. It was a glimmer of last night that made him unconsciously hold his breath; his whole body frozen. 

“I said. Where. Have. You. Been?” Each word enunciated. Each time those lips moved a little closer to his own. And each motion made the attorney’s heart stop. Those arms tightened as well to stop escape. 

“I was out for-wait-I don’t need to explain.” 

Rafael snapped out of his reprieve from understanding the demand, his hands nudging the other off of him once again especially since they had an audience. His eyes turned to Olivia for help only to see the same expression of frantic relief. “You answer me first, what is going on?”

The ADA taking the opportunity to set a good two feet between himself and the man who had practically clung to him. He ignored the kicked puppy expression for now. After all, they were nothing more than colleagues; for himself to give into those arms and embrace was a definite no-no if he was sticking to his decision. 

Olivia moved away from the desk towards Barba, her eyes looking him over once before nodding. She pressed a few buttons on the cellphone to replay the daunting message. 

“We came immediately when your office had not heard from you and sent a couple of officers to your apartment.” Her voice solemn as if disregarding that odd hug from earlier entirely, for that Rafael was not sure to be grateful for or not. 

“Okay, admittedly that’s my fault.” He held up a hand, not fazed by the message as he set the crumpled picture onto his desk while moving to grab some tissues to clean up the remnants of his photograph. The man was always the multi-tasker. “It’s a long story about my being late this morning; but I get threats all the time, I never take them seriously.” 

“When were you planning to let us know?” Olivia waved her hand incredulously as she gazed to Latino. 

A shrug was followed as he stood up with the glass pieces, trailing past Carisi to the nearby trash bin to toss and brush his hands lightly. At Olivia’s look, he sighed, “Olivia, you have more pressing matters and victims who need your attention more than me. Besides, I’m a prosecutor. We don’t exactly make many friends with the criminal crowd.” 

“One of the uniform officers I sent to your apartment….is dead. And the other is in critical condition, do you understand the severity of this situation now?” Her voice frustrated with thinly veiled anger he was disinterested in his safety. 

The whole squad room had run out to search for him and here he was, unscathed and indifferent, it made her frown in disappointment.   
Barba had been in the process of removing the track jacket, unzipping and pausing his hands. His head turned up quickly and a frown on his lips, “Oh my God...” He stood there in shock at this statement.

“When did they start?” Sonny finally chimed into the conversation, having been stewing over in his own relief at feeling the firm and warm body of the attorney; not a cold, lifeless one. 

“When did …. The threats? They always have happened. Since I started this job.” 

“You NEVER suspected that your most recent threats were related to this case?” Carisi’s tone heightening in disbelief as Olivia. The attorney was intelligent; however, he was oblivious to himself and danger around him. 

“No I haven’t… I didn’t. I mean just because I happen to fit the bill doesn’t mean my mind was connecting to myself.” He commented firmly. This was a belief he went by. His job was to represent and protect the victims, he never considered himself part of that crowd till now. The prospect unnerved him to the core, yet his expression remained neutral to show he was unfazed. “They were mostly little messages or notes left on my desk telling me that I was in way over my head. Or the occasional hang-up call that I didn’t preoccupy myself with.” He repeated, moving towards his desk to tug open the top drawer. 

“You didn’t think it was relevant?” Olivia countered to him, curious to what he was getting from his desk. 

There was a small notebook which Rafael pulled out, offering it to the woman who took it readily to open and peek inside. 

An array of sticky notes of all colors and shapes littered the inside: “You’re next” or “Stop now, stop, you’ll never win” or “I’ll see you end before I meet mine” or “You’ll pay for what you’ve done.” They did appear to be scattered and not making much sense, but they were too coincidental with the time frame as each one was individually dated. It meant that whoever was posing these threats was meticulous. 

“You should’ve said something about this a long time ago Barba!” She waved the notebook frantically.

“I am not a victim!” 

“Yes, until now!” 

“And I suppose I was busy with other cases and working this one... I didn’t connect those dots.” He finished his thought before collapsing into his leather chair and a hand lifting to rub his forehead. “Yet, that would explain…” 

The younger detective trailed over to the desk as well as Olivia moved to call the rest of her team to reassure that the ADA had been located and safe. His hands moving onto the top as he stared, “Explain what councilor?” 

Barba cursed to himself as he peeked up looking into those blue eyes with shame, “I should’ve known it was a ploy. I can’t believe I fell for it.” 

“What?” 

“The reason I was late.” He shifted in his seat to fold fingers underneath his chin to prop up as he began. “I woke up relatively early this morning, the plan was to go and have a run with Rollins…”

“Amanda? She didn’t mention anythin’.” 

“That’s probably because she was unable to make it and she has her daughter to think about, it slipped her mind.” The elder mentioned, waving a hand to the other’s disgruntled expression; which caused Carisi to straighten out and arms cross over his torso. “She’s diligent and I’ve been trying to make myself run again, not for a marathon or anything, but for me. So she agreed to meet me by Columbus Circle to get me started. A partner always helps.” 

Rafael paused briefly to recollect his thoughts, closing his eyes as he continued, “Except she didn’t show up; I got a text that Jesse had kept her up all night and dragging herself to run at that time was torture. So I figured I’d give it a shot on my own considering I was already up.” 

“And what time was this?” Olivia moved to stand next to Sonny. The pair of them looking like they were interrogating a suspect. She reached for her notepad to start making small notations of all she had heard so far. 

“I’d say around 6? I know, it’s very early. But it gives me ample time to run an hour, go back home, shower; eat and head to the office by 8. It was probably why my assistant had no idea where I was.” A deep breath then his voice trailed on. “I started my jog run into the park. I’d say about 30 minutes into it, I felt something tugging at my leg. It was a dog trying to get my attention. I followed it to its owner, a woman who had fallen off some large rocks onto the side. She told me she was a bird watcher and went early to observe.” 

“And she looked like?” The younger man following suit with his boss, writing down notes and gazing at the Latino’s expressions dutifully; it made Rafael glance to Olivia to avoid eye contact. 

“She had short black hair with light hazel eyes…around 5’4”? She was very lean and had this scar on the left side of her neck which I asked her about and she only said it was an accident from her youth. She had mentioned her name as Rebecca…” 

A shake of Olivia’s head as she stood there, “Making small talk with a suspect?” 

“I didn’t know she was a suspect at the time! She needed help getting to the hospital since she thought she had broken her leg. When I went to call the police, I noticed my phone was missing. I took it as an “I dropped it” along the way without noticing situation... and it was too dark to search for it.” A hand moving to run through his hair lightly as he got to his feet to start pacing as if it helped him think. “So I just let her use me as a crutch as I walked her out of the park and to the nearest deli to use their phone.” 

Sonny pointed to the man with his pencil, “Name of the deli?” 

“I… I don’t recall.” 

“Was it like right outta Columbus Circle or did you exit in a different area of the park?” 

“I’m not overly familiar with Central Park … so I followed my bread crumbs back to Columbus Circle.” 

“And your phone wasn’t around as ya went back?” 

“No it wasn’t but then again I wasn’t looking for it … otherwise preoccupied with the woman.” He retorted as he was trying to get his bearings. There was a dead officer in his stead and another critically injured, had he been the target all along? It was too much to process. Rafael’s feet carried him over to the window where the blinds were still low and pulled at it to allow light into the room. “She called for a pick-up, she asked me to stay with her till it arrived…which was another half hour or so.” 

The Staten-Island native tapped his chin, “That would’ve been around 7:30 or so … why didn’t you call the office you were coming late?” 

“Honestly I didn’t think about it; I was just thinking to get back home at the time.” He mused lightly in return as eyes gazed out to the busy street below. The bustling of people running about to get to their destination made him contemplate in slowing down. 

Sonny ran a hand through his hair, “But you didn’t go home, you’re here now in your sweats? So where did you go?” 

“You’re very perceptive Detective… I didn’t finish what I was saying.” Barba snapped back, glancing over his shoulder to the Detective; the pair of them having a brief staring contest that seemed to hold a lot more meaning than either wanted to voice. Perhaps it was the high stress of the missing attorney no longer missing or perhaps their relationship was developing at a pace neither understood. 

“Then finish.” Carisi mused lightly as he kept staring intently, his arms no longer crossed as he only stood there in the middle of the room. “Please…” 

Clearing his throat, Rafael pulled his head back out towards the window for a moment before shaking his head. “You’re right, I didn’t go home. I went to grab a cab but found that my wallet was missing too. I figured it fell with the phone and gave up on it.” He turned to gaze over to the pair lightly. “So I ended up catching a break on the Subway for some loose change, took the B train up and practically ran to the office. I knew that I had some extra clothes in my closet and I would freshen up in the men’s room. I’ve done it before.” 

“And what happened to the woman?” Olivia mused, her hands on her hips as she listened to the whole recollection of the ADA. He was unknowingly a witness/victim that they needed to be wary of. Her mind working the gears as if thinking and making connections. 

“A friend of hers came to pick her up. A large fellow… bald, tattoos on his arms, such a typical biker. And I thought… what was a bird watcher doing with a biker? But who was I to judge.” He rambled on, waving his hands about before pausing in step. His eyes widening. “We need to put out an APB on the pick-up. It was a silver Dodge Ram with the partial plates of A4P. I can’t recall the whole thing.” 

“Ya remember the license plate and him…. but ya don’t remember the deli?” There was slight amusement in Sonny’s tone. 

“Oh shut up. I’m not familiar with all food places, but I am with people and cars. It’s probably from staring at only cars and people in this city constantly.”

Olivia looked surprised and before she could say anything, her phone rang which she promptly picked up, “Carisi put out the APB, yes Fin? What is it?” 

“Liv, the other officer didn’t make it. The doc just told us and Dodds went to inform the widow.” 

A big sigh escaping her before blinking her eyes, “Poor Mike. He’s always getting that job.” 

“He insisted. He’s good with the families.” 

“Call Rollins to work with CSU on the crime scene and photos. She can offer a fresh pair of eyes. We need those reports on Barba’s apartment now. We think he encountered a partner.” 

“Daaaaamn that’s a twist I didn’t see coming. And it’s not even the two we got in lock-up.” 

“Check the system for these specifics: 5’4” female with short black hair, scar on the left side of her neck, hazel eyes and lean. Then pull a few slides and show the two; we need to break them and we’re running out of time.” 

“You got it Liv. Fin out.” The tone of the hang-up noted as the woman’s attention looked back to the two men who were silently listening to her conversation. 

“Barba, do you have anywhere you can stay? You know your apartment is a crime scene and has not finished processing, till tomorrow.” 

The attorney laughed hollowly as he shook his head and moved towards the closet on the other side of the room to pull out his spare clothing and set onto a burgundy armchair. 

“I don’t think I can go back there for a couple of days. I’ll just stay at a hotel, no worries.” 

“With what money? You said you lost your wallet.” 

A hand held up as he grinned for the first time that night, “Come on Liv. I have my ways. Besides, I have three cases to work and being away from my apartment might actually have them done.” His fingers tugging onto the t-shirt to pull up and over his head, using the fabric to wipe against his torso that was sweaty. He ignored the gaze of those dangerous blue eyes and swiftly shrugged on the button down blouse. 

“I’m going to put a 24 hour unit on you.” Olivia’s fingers going to call before pausing at his sharp glance. “At least till we catch this woman or the killer; preferably both.” 

“No. I refuse.” 

“I’m not giving you an option.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t have someone trailing me for 24 hours Olivia. I told you already. I am NOT a victim, don’t treat me as one. I have cases that need me to be focused and mentally strong. If I go into court with an escort, I am setting an example that I also fall back on my fear.” 

The woman throw up her hands firmly, “Why are you so difficult? Do you have any idea how afraid we were that we were unable to locate you?” 

“I understand, I really do. But I am letting them win by having a police escort when there are clearly other families or witnesses that need them. Prioritize them.” His voice gave a tone of finality as he reached for his suit jacket to button up. 

“I’ll stay with him.” Sonny chimed in easily as he stood straight and nodded.

“Carisi, what are you talking about?” Olivia sighed exasperated.

The man held up his hand in sincerity, “Come on Lieu, hear me out.” 

Rafael turned his head, looked him over once then raised an eyebrow, “No, you have to focus on this case.” 

“What better way to focus than to be close to the main target?” 

“How do you know I’m the main target? I’m offended.” 

The detective pointed to the notebook that Olivia still held as evidence before moving to motion to the scribbles in his own small one. “All of the attacks happened to the Latin community specifically in law enforcement. None of them were as personal as within the home of a victim, they wanted to attack you at home and succeeded.” 

“I’m still not following.” 

“This is about you, so what better way to work this theory than to have you come stay at my place and that way you’ll have protection, you can work this case with me off hours like you would like and I live real close to this office for you to walk to till your place is runnin’.” Or be escorted to Carisi’s mind finished for him. 

The attorney could only stare incredulous at the offer. Was the point to NOT be close to the man whose eyes tormented him? But one look over towards Olivia’s stern expression had him sighing in defeat. 

It was Dominick Carisi or a squad car rotating out. Neither was appealing, yet he knew he had no choice. 

“Fine. I can’t guarantee your safety if you let me stay at your place.” 

“It’s fine. I know how to handle this sorta thing.” 

“Are you always letting people stay with you out of the goodness of your heart?” A smirk on Rafael’s lips as he reached for his trousers to hold onto, obviously not changing yet with his audience. 

Sonny could only return the smirk tenfold, “You’re just very special, Councilor.” He mused as he trailed out of the office to go make the call on the APB on the vehicle though pausing on the doorframe to glance back. “I’ll come to pick ya up at 5 sharp.” And off he went. 

Olivia’s eyebrows raised promptly before holding up a hand, “I don’t even want to know what’s going on with you two.” 

“W-w-what? There’s NOTHING going on.” 

“You stammering like that and him looking like a satisfied fat cat is not leaving much reason to think otherwise.” She snickered, the weight momentarily off her shoulders at the recovery of her friend in his office before patting his shoulder on her way out to follow. “You be vigilant and take a court officer with you. That’s a request from a friend.” She finished as he opened his mouth to protest. 

A nod of his head in reluctant agreement had her walking out of the office and leaving him to sink into his arm chair as the shock of the reality of this situation was too close. 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Amanda had gotten the call from Fin that Barba’s apartment had been ransacked and two officers were down. 

She may have been stuck on desk duty; however, she had not been one to sit idly and wait for the bad news. Unknown to the others, she went ahead and spoke to one of the suspects in custody. 

It was a two-bit thief named Jonny “Appleseed” McGovern. The nickname was overly amusing but hinted on a Southern background that she hoped to exploit. The man sat in the cell with his partner, thin and scraggly; sandy hair in tight curls and a pair of hazel eyes that were worn down, possibly from the less than friendly accommodations. 

“Come on McGovern, I need to ask you a few questions.” 

As the man stood, he walked with a notable hunch that he straightened out at the insistent clearing of the throat from his accomplice who only tossed her a dirty look. The other man, named Caleb Johnson, a man with bright blonde hair that was tinted with shades for purple and blue and black eyes that appeared lifeless. Both were junkies that were lingering close to the last two victim locations and equally suspicious. 

Waving her hand, she closed the door behind her as McGovern took his seat. “So Jonny, can I get you anything?” 

“You can let me outta here, that’d be great.” 

“Ah you know I can’t Jonny. It’s not for nothin’ but I think they’re wrong about you guys.” 

The man peeked up to her since he had been staring at his folded hands on the table, “What….wait…really?!” 

“Oh absolutely! I mean they want to pin these murders on you.” 

“Whoa whoa, what?!” 

She pulled open the file of the first victims, tossing their crime scene photos onto the table roughly and waved to them, “All of them. Raped with their batons….lubricant from condoms inside them can’t trace back to the coward who did this….then beaten and mutilated. You’re looking good for it slim.” 

“What the fuck, of course I didn’t do that! That’s….” He looked violently sick for a moment, grabbing onto his mouth and moving swiftly to the corner to the waste basket and puking out his stomach contents. 

Amanda’s eyes were reading his reactions carefully. They had suspects and convicted murders react the same to throw off suspicion. She noted his hand was purely to cover, not to induce the vomiting and strolled over to him with hands in her pockets. 

“That’s what Jonny? That’s not you? Then you gotta help me to help you. They wanna give you and Caleb the death penalty. You two slipped up and stayed to watch the glory.” 

“No that’s not----“ 

“And then just be able to relive it over and over. What would your Mama think of you doin’ this? Think she’d be proud of you? A big man who can’t even perform has to jump cops and torture them first?” 

“You’re wrong!” Jonny moved to lean against the wall of the room, eyes wild and panting to catch his breath from having thrown up. 

Amanda moved to crouch, tilting her head to get a good look and shook her head, “They’ll brand you cop killer. You know what they do to cop killers back home…imagine here in the big city?” 

“Stop, just stop it!” He exclaimed out as his hands went to grab onto his hair to pull at the tight strands, “I didn’ kill nobody! Me an’ Caleb…. We was just supposed to report back! I swear! We was supposed to jus’ make sure you were not catchin’ on then we’d get paid.” 

The woman grabbed at his wrists to pull them away from his hair and gave him a small shake, “Come on Jonny, keep talkin’. Who was paying you?” 

“We never saw ‘em. Well okay…. Tha’s a lie. Caleb saw her.” 

“….. Her? Don’t mess with me Jonny, there’s evidence it was a man who clearly violated these people.” Her eyes narrowed as she tossed his arms back to his sides and stood up. She went to grab a photo of the latest victim then back over to where he was sitting. The fingers curled against the photograph were white with their grip as she mused. “THESE people, who had families, who would be ALIVE if you gave me more.” 

“I can’t! I didn’t see ‘em! Caleb was supposed to just position the bodies after the deed. He’s got a better stomach for it I swears.” The man holding up his hand over his heart but jerked his gaze off to the side to avoid being ill once more. “There was two of ‘em. It was a pair… man an’ a woman. He’d wear this like mask over his face when we met ‘im, talk only to Caleb over the phone and set up a place to pick up the body. And I’d get the cash.” 

“Why should I believe you?” 

Jonny sat straighter and nodded as he reached into his pocket. His fingers curled around the paper before pulling it out and offering it to Amanda with a weary expression, “Here. It’s a list of all the rendezvous points even future ones. We was supposed to just pick up the bodies, get the money from the missus….and call it in. Then when you all come, we’re supposed to stay to make sure you got enough but not enough to get ‘em.” He mentioned. 

The blonde looked over to the list, swiftly moving to the desk to compare to the locations the bodies were found, finding a match for the ones so far and then turning back. “When is the next drop supposed to be?” 

“They do this once a month…sick really. I think they get off on it…or she does ‘cause after she paid the money she’d run over to his side and jump ‘im. I could see ‘em dry humpin’ in the pick-up they got.” 

“What kind is it? Do you know the plate number?” 

“Nah no number. Always changes color…. But it’s a big Dodge Ram. Enough space for the tools, the body, an’ other things I can’t even say with a straight face. It’d be a sin.” 

She shook her head as she gathered this new piece of evidence into the files, “You’re already going to hell for not helping these poor people.” The woman commented as she opened the door and asked the officer at the door to pick him up and toss him back to lock-up for booking this time around. 

A determined expression on her face as she worked dutifully at her desk, relieved to hear Barba had been located so by the time she had gotten the APB on the radio scan, she was one step ahead. 

What jolted her out of her reprieve was when she received a call from her new Sergeant; tilting her head to gaze at the cell phone incredulously. Why was he calling her? Was it to report in?

“Yeah it’s Rollins.” 

“Hey…” 

“Uh….hey?” Her tone confused.

“Look I’m sorry to be calling you, I’m sure you’re very busy.” 

“Not really, but I think I’ve caught a break!” 

“Really? That’s great! It’s finally some good news.” 

She could hear the worn down tone in his words as she paused the typing of her fingers on the keyboard to grab onto the cellphone more securely and lean back in her chair. 

“Something wrong? I mean besides the obvious.” 

“I had to tell two, not one, but two widows their husbands weren’t coming home.” 

A wince on her face as she stood up from the desk to trail over to the vending machines. He wanted to talk to someone and he picked her. If anything, she felt elated to be trusted. It was nice to know he wanted to confide in her, even if Fin was probably right next to him. 

“I know how tough that is. It’s the worst part of the job I’d say.” 

“It got me thinking though…we’re all working this so closely. And Barba’s clearly targeted, it could have been any of us being tossed out a window or shot in the line of duty.” His voice was desperate on the other line. 

She could only soften her expression as if she were facing him. She knew that despite all appearances of pleasing his father, he was definitely a gentle soul. These cases hit too close to home. “But would you want to live differently? The lives we save….the souls we change. It makes a difference Mike, you have to believe that. Now more than ever.” 

“How can I believe that? The families will never recover, how could they? The murders are brutal and they would never have that figure back in their lives.” A small crack in his voice made Amanda blink. 

“It’s when you need your family and loved ones the most. When you know that you may not come back, you cherish ‘em all the more. We have each other’s back here, remember that.” 

“I guess it’s cause I haven’t had someone to fall back on like that. I can’t go to my father, he and my brother depend on me to be the strong one.” 

A smile on her lips as she leaned against the vending machine, arm curled around herself as she held the phone, her voice a little nervous now, “You can fall back on us. On me. And I won’t give up on you, ya hear?” 

Finally a laugh came through as he sighed, “I hear. Is it really alright for me to fall back on you?” 

“Of course! I mean we’re all a squad and – “ 

“Not…what I meant.” 

“Oh.” Her face turning slightly red and glad he was not there to see, clearing her throat. 

“Amanda? When we’re back…. Can I take you and Jesse out for a nice dinner? I could use the company, especially yours. I promise I’m not that bad of a date.” 

“Throw in a cup of ice cream for afterwards an’ you’ve got a double date.” She responded lightly. 

One could practically feel the smile through Dodds’ tone as he chuckled, “You got it. I’ll see you soon then. Fin and I are heading back now.” 

“Be safe. I’ll be waiting for you.” She murmured in a soft tone and looked around the snack room to make sure no one was listening in. 

“I promise.” He hung up the phone afterwards which left Amanda a moment to collect herself as she could not help the big smile on her face. It was not every day she had a man who wanted to be in her life that was not just after a quick fling or one-night stand and she walked back to her desk with a determination and fire to fight for this one. 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Having hung up the phone, considerably in a better mood, Mike walked back towards the squad car after having told the devastating news to the officers’ families and sat in the squad car. A smile on his lips which made Fin frown suspiciously. 

“How the hell you coming back with that big dopey smile on your face?” 

“Ah I’m not smiling about telling them obviously I was just---uh.” 

“Just what? Who were you talking to on the phone just now?” Fin’s eyebrow was raised as he watched his partner buckle into the seat. 

Mike could only clear his throat as he set his phone back into his pocket, “Uh. I was just reporting to Rollins where we are with the case. I mean just because she has desk duty, doesn’t mean she can’t be updated.” 

Fin’s eyes narrowed this time, looking over the man who was intimidated by the African American genuinely. Dodds knew how close Fin was to Amanda in particular, like the daughter he never had; he had heard things floating around. So in that moment, he felt like the boyfriend being eyeballed by the very scary father. 

“I see. And that’s what got you smiling like an idiot? No one is going to take you seriously.” 

“Hey! I was just-I mean-oh come on Fin.” 

The elder man turned on the car to start their drive back towards the precinct but said nothing. It unnerved Mike till he heard a snicker. His head turning sharply to glance over to Fin Tutuola who was laughing at his expense. “What?” 

“You’re like a love-sick puppy my friend. S’alright, I know the feeling. I’m glad you’re feeling better though, you looked like a ghost and I can’t have another partner dying on me.” 

“I’ll try to not disappoint.”

Fin nodded his head, flashing him a thumb’s up before looking forward, “But seriously, you break her heart and I’ll break your head. I’ve been working SVU longer than you have, I KNOW how to get rid of a body.” 

That made Mike laugh till the serious undertone appeared and he cleared his throat, sitting straighter in his seat and looked forward. “Understood.” 

This made the African American smirk and think to himself, ‘I’ve still got it.’ The ride back to the precinct was filled with general music tones and two men: one satisfied and the other wondering what he had just gotten himself into. 

To be continued.


	7. Frozen Lips, Warm Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frozen lips would create a heated soul that is hellbent on returning the favor of being left behind like a beaten, broken down dog. A face from Carisi's past seems to be connected to its present?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I have been on a partial hiatus my apologies! It has been very crazy with my work schedule so I am trying to filter through and get back into the roll! :) Please do leave any comments/feedback. Be kind please, it's my first post since a while and getting back into the swing of things!)

Chapter 7: Frozen Lips, Warm Eyes 

Laughter was what she recalled first. 

A tall figure with flailing long limbs as a roller coaster tossed them precariously left and right then up and down, baby blues eyes that were delicate yet fierce hidden behind dark sunglasses; and a smile. An unforgettable smile that elongated side-ways on a young face that was filled with determination and kindness; he was perfect. 

His hand came down to grasp onto hers. The difference was tremendous. His fingers matched his general length; their texture coarse to the touch from a hard day’s work as they twined into each of her own small and delicate ones firmly. Apart, they would appear but strangers; together, they were perfect. Or so she had believed. Her fear of heights abated by his confidence and her belief he would protect her. That HE would always do his duty to serve and protect only her was merely a fleeting thought. 

Their nights were always filled with laughter and young passion. Their mornings were blissful; to being young, without a true care in the world. Just the two of them. That was a dream that she lived with those warm eyes that gazed only at her with adoration. 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

A year would pass, those strong arms would wrap around many women or men to comfort; those eyes would change to sympathize or care for children that were not his own; and that smile was no longer hers to cherish silently. She had to share him with the world and she hated it. 

He was becoming a police officer. A public servant. A sharable being that was no longer only hers.

She smiled when he received his police badge yet inside her anger bubbled. It was a seed of inadequacy and selfishness that would blossom further into an unknown rage. 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Another two years would pass. 

Their relationships grew tumultuous. Granted high school was but a distant past now was it not? He had grown into a fine police officer of New York with his honors, his determined will to do what was right and always look out for a victim’s best interest. A victim. Did they have to be majority women? Women with their beady eyes and desperate desires for which she had warned him of; they would soon as advantage to use him and his kindness. 

Why was he so dense? They were vultures feeding off of his warmth that left him frozen lips. 

Those indifferent, cold lips that kissed her in greeting as he stepped over the threshold on most nights of their shared apartment that was soon cut short being called away on another case. His frame not yet allowed warming before long legs turned swiftly to head right back out to return who knew when. He chose them over her. Every. Single. Time. Was she a statue? Was she a random presence in his home? The ember in her heart growing further and becoming deeply rooted unknowingly to her. 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Yet…. another two years would pass similarly. The only difference was she now was employed in legal services with the hopes of regaining a common ground with the man she resided with, loved. 

The effort was in vain since they were in completely different parts of the city, different departments and only occasionally conversed over the phone when he needed documents for an urgent case. They were always more important than catching up briefly, always getting the ‘We will talk later’ statement before a dial tone would soon follow. 

She felt it helpless to even work there. 

That was, until she met HIM. The strangest and most awkward of lawyers who most others would sneer or snicker at due to his disheveled appearance appeared before her. Physically, he did not fair too badly. His height reminded her of her beloved; yet perhaps this man would be different and grant her missing satisfaction if only for a moment. A flirt here and there, a casual touch accompanied by a wink eventually led to a date. 

The date turned into one, and then another and the fifth had them in a hotel room. 

On that particular night, her beloved had returned early to surprise her (presumably) with flowers and an apology date that they had not been at best attentions the past few months (yeah, try years); only to find their apartment surprisingly empty. He had probably grown accustomed to her waiting on the couch or bedroom to grant her his presence, the thought angering her even more when she noted the text message on her phone. 

‘Where are you?’ 

‘Out with the girls. I’ll see you later.’ 

A sneer on her features presumed from her lie to the man she loved dearly. 

She, instead, had spent time with the lanky lawyer with the beady eyes and the hesitant smile. There they were, all tousled and half-dressed on the large king sized bed about to progress considering she was pumping him in her hand to get him ready and that was when she noticed it. Too hasty in her ministrations was she that with her intelligence and points of observation, she should have noticed it earlier. He was impotent. At least to women. 

How stupid did she look? Her hair mussed, painted lips smudged from earlier attempts on his wilted member to bring it to life, her shirt lopsided with pink bra strap showing and skirt hilted high as she straddled his lean hips. 

Her eyes went wide with disbelief. This fool was a closeted fag of a man struggling with his own demons. His own eyes looked terrified at her sudden realization and he laid there quiet to hope it would not provoke her. 

Too late. 

Her anger slipped up and she slapped him so hard his head turned to the other side. The stinging in her palm dulled as she lifted it yet again to bring down hard against his cheek then the next. Her eyes saw red literally and figuratively as his face reddened from her violent assault. Despite being taller than her, possibly stronger, he laid there and took it. Next her small fingers curled, lifted high above her head and brought down to bang onto his chest hard. The sound of the breath leaving him was intoxicating. 

Each blow coming down was filled with a rage that was provoked previously and brought out now. 

The sound of his rasping breath, his hands scrambling to grab at her arms weakly to push them off of him; clearly never having been in a fight with anyone to really fend for himself. 

The motion made her stop as quickly as she had started. Her gaze turned to him dangerously as if wondering how he dared try to stop her. All she saw was his eyes glazed over faintly, breath coming out raggedly from the beating she just inflicted on him.

The energy suddenly leaving her frame as she would unhook her legs from the waist, slid off to the side of the bed as worn out fingers went to fasten the clothing in a slow manner. Grumbling incoherent words as she knew she nearly committed an atrocity, who would stand for it? She knew she should at least be moderately dressed when she gets arrested.

‘You can call the police now...’ 

‘I can’t….’ A breathless laugh was heard instead of the scramble to the phone. A laugh! Was this man an idiot? 

‘What the hell are you laughing at?!’ 

‘You. Me. And how we got here.’ His voice clearly coming up raspy tones. The assault on his person probably resulted in something broken, this she was sure of; did she happen to hit his head unconsciously? After all, he seemed relatively calm despite the fact he was terrified earlier. 

‘So…. you’re not going to call the police?’ 

The man continued to lay there, clearly unable to pull himself into much of a sitting position and he gazed over to her, his eyes no longer glazed over in that almost dead fashion that was unnerving previously. ‘Nope, in case you haven’t realized; I’m a big gay masochist.’ 

‘You’re a fucking weirdo is what you are. How can you be turned on by that?’ 

‘How could you be turned on by beating someone bloody?’ 

Her response was caught in her breath as she watched him slowly sit up, pillows being moved to prop him as his eyes peeked into her own as if reading the dark soul that inhabited the small frame of a vengeful woman. He was right. She had not only enjoyed it, she loved it and wanted to do it again as her fingers curled and uncurled themselves unconsciously. 

That was the beginning of their demented relationship together.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

One more year also come to pass, this one differing from the previous. 

The relationship she had founded with her high school sweetheart long over as she had moved out and onward. It was all too simple for a man who had little time to garner her any. The man had transferred away from Long Island, to Brooklyn and settled on a favored unit: Special Victims. It was nauseating to imagine him so they ended it. 

This arrangement suited her needs perfectly, no longer ‘committed’ and she could finally move on. Or so she believed. 

This woman now found herself as a paralegal and office moved conveniently to the offices of where her lover currently worked for. These same offices were used to house the exploration of their sexual fantasies and the occasional kinks; she was on a high and would not be brought down. 

She had a new night (and sometimes day) pastime that filled her with exhilaration and passion. It was a game that she had yet to grow tire of, if ever will, but it was perhaps on this bias that she had not sensed the hesitation of her lanky partner. That he, had indeed, grown tired of the ‘game’ when he came across a ghost of his own past. A man that had started the trigger of mental masochism had returned unconsciously and garnered his attention. 

One night, his mind too preoccupied with his fateful meeting with the ghost; he only could howl in real pain and scurry away from the woman as he lay on the floor, cradling his arm. She had gotten progressively more violent and sadistic where sometimes bruises would not dissipate till two days after the fact. Tonight, she was playing with a jagged piece of a vase that she had previously smashed into a wall and slashed at him for his attention, ‘That hurt like a bitch.’ 

‘It takes one to know one. Where is your mind?’ 

‘Uh…. Work. There have been a lot of cases piling up from the DA’s office so…I… uh. ’ 

‘Liar.’ She hissed, already immediately detecting the hint of hesitation in him being truthful. He knew that she would wreak havoc on the truth and yet, she was able to detect his shaky response. 

His hand released his injured arm in favor of running through his hair and glancing to the side with a sigh, ‘It’s true. Maybe I’m just too tired to play this anymore….’ 

The woman’s eyes narrowed dangerously, approaching him on the floor and did a reminiscent of their first meeting. Legs straddled his waist, his hands moving up his frame only this time, fingers curled around the jagged weapon that soon pressed itself against the base of his neck; very near the pulse point. The poor man barely had time to react properly he was taken aback and laid there at her anger. 

‘Who is it Robert? And don’t lie again.’ 

‘It…. It’s…’ He began, licking his lips and clearly forgetting the injury of his arm in favor of the threat on his very life. 

Her gaze was extremely deadly and her temper not one to be trifled with. This was it, he was cheating on her with another playmate; she would kill him. 

‘It’s my ghost, Ellen. He’s back.’ His voice rasped desperately. Robert knew that they had talked about this previously. The men that controlled their mind either presently or from the past: for her it was her current boyfriend and for him it was a colleague from law school. His ‘ghost’ was a brilliant Hispanic lawyer who came from a poor background yet excelled at everything. His demeanor, his determination and his cockiness when they were prepping for mock trials had Robert failing them every single time. In all actuality, it was a miracle that he was a lawyer currently with his weak disposition. 

The two men had gone to Harvard: His own father a staff member which granted him a ride and the other man on scholarship; he was enthralled all through the years. He had been subjected to degradation and comparison by his own father to this man, all Robert could have done was agreed tenfold. 

They had parted after graduation, not that they were ever friends; it was more of a loving from afar. 

Years later, they came across one another across the court room; he – a newly licensed lawyer from a prestigious law-firm (this time the help came from an uncle) and the other man was a new assistant District Attorney from Brooklyn working on the prosecution side and he was glorious. 

It was college all over again where Robert would be verbally reprimanded and compared to Rafael Barba, a man who scraped and earned his status as a highly astute graduate of Harvard. His thoughts became plagued with seeing that lithe frame strut about the court room with his head up high and ruthless disposition of getting convictions. It was rather impressive. 

Though his attention was soon pulled away from the day dream of the Latino to the woman, half naked on top of him and bearing down a sinister gaze, ‘I’m sorry…. Ellen.’ He closed his eyes to await the taste of death about to be imposed. 

Instead, all that could be heard were the screams of anger as she removed herself up and off. Now on her feet, she began to pace and tossed the shard away despondently, ‘If it isn’t HIM, now it’s you. Why am I always losing?! Do I not deserve happiness?!’ She practically screamed, knowing no one would come barreling in to see what the problem was. 

That was the beauty of meeting in seedy parts of a city that held so many secrets; having a couple more under its fold would go unnoticed. 

Robert went back to cradling his lulled arm that throbbed from the slight pain and maneuvered to sit up slightly, ‘You can. I just may not be able to … handle this anymore. But I know a way to get us both what we want.’ He mused firmly. He could abate her anger, after all; he was an expert from handling such notions from living through years with his physically abusive and temperamental father. ‘I know a way …’

‘You promised to keep me happy Robert.’ 

A wince on his features as if feeling responsible for the monster he created in her. ‘I know I did…’ 

‘And you’ve fucked up royally. But … ‘She glanced down to her phone that had not even shone its irritating light with a message from her love. He had forgotten her long ago, why was she holding onto the thin thread? ‘What do you have in mind?’ 

Releasing the breath he unconsciously held, the lawyer peeked over to her and murmured, ‘There CAN be others. With others…the game will never end. I promise.’

‘What if THEY too tire of the game?’ Her voice barely veiled with anger, eyes hooking back to him dangerously. 

‘…. Then. They pay the ultimate price for leaving you… us.’ 

With that response, she contemplated firmly. The relationship she had built with the only man she truly loved was but a distant memory to him while it was a hateful seed that finally gave way to a red flower; a painful wound that was open and bleeding out. Why would she not make others suffer? It was time now to turn the tables. 

‘It’s time to become the ghost instead of being chased by them.’ A firm response could be heard, it practically echoed with a finality that left Robert half wondering what had he done. It was too late. 

There would be no more waiting, no more secret rendezvous; Ellen Thorton would now be making sure the rest of the world along with the men who scorned her would not soon forget her again. 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Ellen’s light eyes gazed out of the window in an apartment whose building was across the way from that belonging to Rafael Barba, the root of all problems she deemed. 

Her arms crossed over one another lightly on her torso as she watched with calculating eyes. The multitude of people entering and exiting the dwelling was quite impressive; this man must be something. Considering she had stalled him at the park from returning home was not part of the plan, she was going to get an earful from her brother; the man had joined their trio a few months back when they started and fit in perfectly. 

Almost too perfectly. His personality was much like hers, a need for control was a constant struggle, yet she knew that her leash on Robert would be indefinite and her brother did not want to return to Attica for a frame job she was quite capable of planting.  
After all, she was the brains, Robert the pawn, and Alexander the muscle. 

She was not supposed to stall Rafael; she was supposed to stay in the apartment as look-out as Alexander would grab him to be presumably the last target; or so she had promised to Robert who was wearing down. He would become a liability soon if he did not straighten out. 

Curiosity had gotten the better of her as she had caught up with the man in the park, knowing that would be his routine after studying him after all these months. The others had not been as satisfying of replacements as she had hoped. She secretly thought they would placate her urge of revenge on the Hispanic prosecutor. Why was she so hell-bent on this man she had never met? Perhaps it was because he reminded her too much of the man she lost considering he was also in law enforcement.  
Her musings cut short when the door behind her slammed, her eyes not bothering to peel away from the window. “Hello Alex.” 

“What the hell did you think you were doing? Going to the park while I’m at HIS place waitin’ and then callin’ ME to come pick you up …. Are you fucking kidding me?”

“It was too soon. I wanted to meet him, see what kind of man he was to garner so much attention. You spooked him at least.” 

Her brother could be heard mumbling in undertones as he stomped to flop onto their leather couch, kicking off his boots with a long tired sigh, “I was waiting to grab ‘im, then those two cops showed up. Put up a damn fight, I had to run and then I get this call for me to PICK YOU UP!” 

“I’m sorry, but I thought we should wait a little longer. You’re getting careless… those two idiots we had hired as look-outs got themselves caught, we couldn’t do the same.” She finally turned back to glance at him irritated. “Besides, Robert is the one who stalled him last night. If you want to be mad, be mad at him.” 

“We need to get rid of that idiot; he’s getting closer than you are. I’m NOT going back to Attica, Ellen!” 

She put a finger to her lips in a shushing motion as she approached him slowly, arms still crossed before standing before him with her hip jutting to the side, “I know. Soon Alex, soon.” 

“I’m tired of waiting…I’m getting edgy. I didn’t have enough time with those cops to do anythin’ really fun with them.” A grumble was uttered at losing the chance at two cops from the morning to really have his vicious way with them; a sneer on his features as he pulled out a knife to motion in the air with it. “It would’ve been fun…grabbing one…tying up the other to watch.” 

“You’re disgusting. We never make them watch you fuck-head.” 

Licking his lips, Alex would smirk over to her and set the steel of his knife against his lips lightly and kiss it, “It would’ve been magical.” 

Rolling her eyes, she turned back to gaze back through the window and what she saw made her eyes widen considerably. Her arms uncurled to press finely manicured fingers against the glass and practically scratch at it, “No….” 

“What is it?” He could hear the tone in his sister’s voice to one of anger, making him curious as to this change in indifferent demeanor. Taking his stance next to her, his eyes followed her view and began to laugh hysterically, “That’s a riot. Oh, YOUR ex is working this case and he looks pissed off. It must be personal.” Alex pulled away from the window to trail away to make himself some food; clearly unaffected by the death he wrought, if anything, he thrived on it. 

“Shut up!” 

“Calling it as I see it.”

Ellen’s fingers grew white as her face contorted into pure rage, “Sonny…? Why is he investigating? Rafael is not a rape victim or a special victim. He’s….” She stood there and froze. That look in his blue eyes almost clear as day as she made brief eye contact that caused her to turn away and pull the dark blue curtains to a half close and not realizing his gaze lingered on those curtains for a mere moment so far away. “He’s working at Manhattan SVU… how could I have not made the connection earlier?” 

“Cause your dumb-fuck of a lawyer didn’t tell you. Maybe he knew you’d wreak havoc…shame, I would’ve liked to see it.” 

“I’ll kill Robert when I see him. How could he keep THAT detail from me?” Livid did not even begin to describe her feelings. 

“Maybe he just has the hots for ‘im and is making a special exception to his definition of Special Victims.” Alex murmured from the kitchen, still highly amused and eating a sandwich while amused at his sister’s rage. He knew that this was the true root of her problems; and if somehow the two men were connected in a way more than was work-related as he got the vibe it was, then he would be enjoying full view of her revenge tenfold sooner than later. 

He looked forward to it. 

To be continued...


	8. Show Must Go On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia gets a visitor that enlightens her, Fin teases Mike incessantly and Sonny's about to get a personal epiphany

Chapter 8: 

“You’re late Olivia, seems like a trend with you.”

A small involuntary twitch of her person brought Detective Benson at attention from what appeared to be a minor stupor. 

“But you didn’t fail me.” The soft and yet slightly feminine voice of a familiar sort and assuring in tone continued its sentence. It was as if it was standing beside her and yet the senior detective’s frame refused to budge to gaze at the company she now found herself with. 

“…. I just died. No fault of yours.” A laugh now followed that was hollowed out, accompanied by a hacked cough as if that of a smoker. Was this woman a smoker? But more importantly, why could she not move? Her eyes tried to peer at the corners only to see a darkness occupying her sides which enhanced her anxiety. Her fingers flexed yet retained no physical strength to stretch or move. It was a numbness that completely incapacitated her, so her eyes went wide and lips parted to make a sound yet none came. 

“You need to fight more than that Liv, what am I always tellin’ ya? Concentrate.”

Taking a risk of becoming more vulnerable, she closed her eyes to collect a breath and as eyelids peeled back the face of ADA Sonya Paxton now stood in front of her, about 2 feet away with her hands clasped behind her back. A dark grey pant suit on her frame, a playful smile on her features and what caught Olivia off guard was the fact that her long pale neck was intact. No evidence of having been murdered in cold-blood for her personal involvement in a case. A case that haunted Olivia’s core, the one she failed. 

A woman who had her throat slashed by Adam Grafton, leaving her to die in a pool of her own blood in the arms of the detective who had not yet suffered the loss of a friend on the job. An ADA. The cycle was repeating itself she briefly pondered. 

Her body became stiff and jaw set, brown eyes kept their now steady gaze on this woman’s face.

“Sonya….” It was a soft exhalation of air that came with the name she had not long used, not even realizing she had been holding her breath. Her voice having returned from the failed attempt previously. 

“Hi Liv. I’m glad to see you haven’t forgotten me.” Another laugh escaping the other woman who strode forward to lift a hand and ruffle Olivia’s locks calmly, the other hand placed at her jutted hip as she nodded. “You’re looking good; it’s been awhile hasn’t it?” 

Five years. In police lingo, that was a very long time. 

Olivia had been through so many changes with her team and equal amount of legal team members. “I…. suppose it has.” Her fingers attempted another stretch, yet the muscles protested the motion and she sighed out in frustration. All she could figure was that she was standing erect, perhaps tied up? Her face bunched up in distaste to being so helpless till another laugh brought her head back to this woman. A woman she had failed in saving even when her job and duty was to protect how could she be smiling and laughing? 

“You’re too serious Olivia. You need to loosen up a little.” Sonya coaxed to the woman before waving her hand lightly, “Nothing is holding you back but yourself.” She responded to the reason why her senses were immobilized. 

There was another wave of her hand and the scenery of black nothingness changed to the precinct; her office specifically and the ADA’s feet carried her to one of the cushy green chairs to settle herself into it. A leg lifting up to cross itself over the other as she nodded, “You’ve done really good Liv.” 

“What’re you doing here Sonya…. You’re…. I mean…” 

“Dead? Yes, I already mentioned that right? Don’t state the obvious Olivia, such a rookie move.” The deceased woman clicked her tongue as her fingers brushed against the blinds to pull down enough to see the new faces. There was Amanda, hunched over her desk with blonde hair tightly pulled back in a ponytail; her blue eyes narrowed and fingers rapidly typing. Afterwards came in Fin with Mike trudging in behind him, “He’s a cutie, good job on that one.”

The younger of the two men looking thoroughly enchanted to see Amanda whereas the woman remained diligent in her typing; not even sparing a glance in their direction as a greeting. This interaction caused Fin to elbow Mike, wagging a finger before pointing to a far corner where sat another desk and the taller man dragging his feet like a defeated pup. Fin proceeded to have an amused smirk of satisfaction while taking his seat in front of the blonde. 

“Puppy love, it’s adorable. I remember that between you and Elliot. But you’re missing one of the pups?” She removed her fingers from the blinds to turn her full attention to Olivia who continued to stand stiffly, unable to move. Shaking her head, she trailed to stand in front of the long oak desk and reach over to grab a case file. “I think it’s because you sent him to tend to his own love hm? An ADA, kid aims high I’ll give him that. More than we did anyway.” 

Olivia could only stare at Sonya with a gaze of confusion, slight amusement that turned into a small flare of anger when the woman made insinuations of her and her partner. This anger was enough to make her move her hands and legs, allowing her to take a seat in her own chair and respond. “I did not have a thing for Elliot.” 

“Oh no, you loved him Liv. You just didn’t take a risk like these kids are. Just screw the system…screw it and just forget rules.” Sonya tossed the case back down onto the desk firmly before pointing at the seated woman. “You live with this regret and don’t think for yourself, with your heart.” 

“You don’t know anything!” Now upset that this somehow came back to her, then again; this was her hallucination, so could Olivia really blame Sonya. “It’s happening again! And I can’t…. I can’t protect my team…. Including my lover and the ADA. What am I supposed to do …?” 

Sonya straightened herself out before trailing to the window to pull on the blinds and point out to the three out of four members of her team, being diligent and working at their computers frantically. The fourth, Olivia knew, had gone to the crime scene himself despite her attempts to stop him and assure that due process was done at the apartment of their fierce ADA. Carisi had pleaded with her with those eyes that wanted to be more helpful in figuring this case out as soon as possible; it was getting too close to home than was comfortable and he wanted to personally investigate the apartment. ‘An extra set of eyes’ he had reasoned as she gave her consent for him to do his due diligence. 

And she had had inkling about the affections the young detective had for Barba, especially if that reaction of relief earlier was an indication to go by. When they had embraced, or rather, Sonny had grabbed onto Rafael with a fierce hug; it was obvious. She knew not to question till it was a problem. 

“You know what you have to do Olivia. Grow a pair and stop hiding behind this confused little girl act.” 

“Excuse me?” 

Sonya’s other hand pointed to herself, her own heart as she spoke with a firm voice, “Olivia. You are not responsible for my death, it’s over. Elliot is gone too. We have moved on, so should you.” She strode briskly over to the desk to this time slam her hands down on it roughly it shook it. “Lead this team, open your eyes to what is right in front of you and think. Why would these people be attacking only law enforcement OTHER than the fact that they were probably arrested at one point? It’s personal. From the selection of Hispanic based individuals…to their actual murders. Where is the connection Liv?” 

Olivia had to look to the case files underneath the woman’s hands. Her eyes honing in on those fingernails that were clean and not blood stained from when they pulled the DNA of Sonya’s killer beneath them. It was a chilling reminder that the other woman was not in front of her really.

The files were of the various victims from the past few days. All of them had been suffocated as a mercy killing after being beaten as well as partially mutilated with what appeared to be a small Swiss knife. Shallow wounds were made to the bodies’ pre and post mortem as was the sexual assault, more to add insult to injury along with the violation of the officers with police batons. It suggested one if not both had been gotten into trouble in prison to suggest a parolee. There were signs of condom lubricants within rectum of the male victims (a patrolman, a court officer and a judge) while there were signs of the victims wearing condoms as well. The coroner had confirmed they all had sexual intercourse prior to their deaths to indicate a significant duo. The relationship between the criminals was close, very close given that they shared and did not feel intimidated by one another. At least not yet as they had progressed equally with women (a Central Park patrol woman, two motorcyclists). Of course, she had to mentally count the last two in Barba’s apartment who had been killed in place of the ADA. The man would violate all the victims, the woman would be turned on to the point of enjoying the men particularly and then proceed to suffocate them as a mercy.

“They’re related.” She whispered to herself, her own hands moving to push Sonya’s out of the way; the woman only doing so gladly as she stood back with her hands behind her back. 

“And?” 

“And…" Olivia commented out loud as though trying to follow Sonya’s train of thought. They also were going after Rafael, was he the missing component after all or just circumstantial? 

It was as though they had been accumulating that hatred, perfecting it with each victim’s death. He was not the next opportunity; he was the primary as they had gone so far as to stalk his apartment to get the official time point he would have been out of his home. “Rafael has been their goal all along. They were … just practicing on the others.” She tapped her chin as she reached for a notepad that held all of the details that the Hispanic attorney had deigned her with that morning. “She went to stall him from returning back to the apartment … where her partner was waiting. And then Officers Morgan and Jones were collateral casualties, not part of the plan. She deviated without his consent because she wasn’t ready.” 

Sonya laughed lightly as she crossed her arms over her chest with a grin, “I wouldn’t take that lying down if I was him personally.” 

“No. He’s going to go and attack on his own now. Why wait for her command if he has already demonstrated his willingness to take a big risk?” After all, to attack in broad daylight and scuffle in a well-known attorney’s home was risky. He was going to be restless and make a move without her. “Then we will catch him. Barba isn’t his target, it’s hers.” She jotted down some more notes onto the paper before her lightly peeking up to Sonya. “I’m sorry Sonya….”

“For what? Don’t go sappy on me please.” 

“For everything. For not having your back when you got off the board for drinking…that I didn’t recognize the problem to help.”   
A manicured hand merely waved away her concern, “Oh shut up. There was nothing you could have done. Besides, you letting me work with you and handsome was enough for me. Thanks for being with me and catching the guy.” 

It was Olivia’s turn to offer a sad, yet grateful smile on her older and more worn out face, “No, thank you for not giving up.” 

The other woman could only perk up slightly and then nod her head in return, “It’s nothing to thank for Olivia. You had that knowledge all along, you were just thinking with your head and not your heart. A scorned woman is a dangerous one as you know.” A final hearty laugh escaping the ADA, her waved hair blowing lightly as if there was air hitting it in the right places despite the room itself being relatively warm and a smile to match her amusement. “Forgive yourself, be the leader your team needs you to be and don’t be afraid anymore.” 

“It’s just been difficult to do.” 

Sonya waved lightly behind her as she grinned, “You have a wonderful man who has been waiting for you, I approve. He’ll help you.” 

With that final statement, Olivia blinked her eyes and the woman was gone from sight. She actually sat up from her slightly hunched over position of dozing on her desk, rubbing her face of the fatigue. It was true; sleep was a thing of the past when this case fell in her lap.

Sonya Paxton had been a drunken woman with her problems for authority and the sense of morality; it was an irony that she would be the one to coach her now. 

A small smile on Benson’s lips in recollection of the days she had worked with the stern and conflicted ADA. She reached into her drawer to tug out a photograph that had been taken by the Captain of the three of them: Elliot, Olivia and Sonya at the woman’s request to be counted as a member. “No more hiding.” 

She set the picture down onto the desk lightly beside the picture of her and her team now then nodded, “It’s time to grow a pair.” 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Amanda’s eyes peeked up only to see that Fin and Mike had returned; presumably a couple of hours prior. She took to looking over to the time on her computer monitor that glared it’s persistent 4:00 PM, when did THAT happen? The lead she had gotten off of Johnny had been too great to pass up delving deeper into. 

A tag team dynamic of a man and a woman. She had no idea what had really occurred with Barba this morning since she had been remanded to desk duty; but she would pull the details from Sonny later to corroborate. She was being thorough on this as she felt responsible for not meeting up with the attorney as they had promised to do so for their run.   
The blonde was typing away, checking all the databases for men who matched the description of the pick-up driver and cross-referenced them with the ownership of the vehicle.  
No conclusive matches as it seemed the car had to have been unregistered, making it more difficult to pull references. Her fingers typed frantically to document all that had been mentioned to her, yet she knew that they all had to meet again soon to go over all the new collected evidence.

Judging from Fin’s stern expression as he typed more slowly his 5s about the scuffle at the ADA’s apartment and then to Mike Dodds who was frowning as he read over the evidence he had collected and the notepad he had written his own notations; they were all exhausted. The news of the loss of the two officers also made for a somber environment as well. 

She knew that Liv and Carisi had returned from the District Attorney’s office, only for the man to promptly turn heel and back out the door with Olivia shaking her head and retreating to her office before a word could be uttered. 

Taking to her feet, the blonde’s hands reached over to grasp onto her purse since she had to pick up her daughter. They had to keep moving on, Barba was not dead and these criminals were slipping up. A resolution was around the corner, they just had to get there. Her eyes looked to over to Fin and she smiled when he peeked up, “What’s up?” 

“I’m going to get Jesse from day care then I’ll be back in case Liv looks for me.”

“Sounds good, you gonna bring her by?” He nodded firmly, expression crinkling to a small smile finally on those worn features. 

“Yeah I def could! I’ll only be staying for another couple of hours and I kinda need to get my baby girl’s smile in my presence.” 

The older man could only agree considering they needed a change of pace today. 

Amanda knew how much her team doted on her daughter, it was amazing to have so many caring for them both. She never had that support with her family back home. “I will.” Before she could turn to head out, a hand settled itself on her arm to pause her motions. The woman turned behind her to see the owner of the appendage. “Uh. Hi. Need something?” 

“So. Are we alright for…. later?” He motioned with between them with one hand, looking like a nervous school boy asking out his high school crush on a date. The image only proved to be more amusing when Fin’s eyes narrowed over his way in an intimidating fashion. 

The blonde’s hand went to Dodds' chest to give him a light nudge considering his frame was so close to her own that it was disorienting. From his cologne, to the feel of that strong span of muscle beneath the suit shirt was amazing for her to fall into; she nodded as her legs willed themselves to head to the exit instead of turning to hug onto him. 

“Yes. We’re all set for later, I just need to go get Jesse from daycare. I’ll be back.” She mused on her way out, tossing a vague wave behind her.

“Oh right, right you said that…” Mike repeated afterwards as his eyes followed the female lightly. 

“Focus genius.” The African American chimed in from his desk, gazing at the two of them with a bemused face which promptly turned serious. “Go sit your ass down and finish, stop with the googly eyes.” He mentioned as the man waved him away. 

The young sergeant looking chided as he shuffled back towards the desk; he had been mildly hoping to accompany Amanda on the pretext of making sure she was safe given the scare they had that morning. But a smile on Mike’s face told him that the blonde would sooner punch him for even making a suggestion. 

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

For his part, Sonny had gone back to the apartment belonging to his favorite ADA. 

It was getting personal and the detective had to end this before it became too late. The fear that had instilled in him that morning at the disappearance of the attorney had not quelled when he was located. Just to physically grasp the man, even in front of Olivia, was risky. Yet, his sense could not control themselves. 

The relief that filled in had only been mildly contained when he knew all along they were targeting Rafael next. 

After all, it was obvious that they knew all about him to follow out his plan (not realizing he had figured out the same as Olivia), Carisi now stood in the large and relatively roomy apartment of the shorter man and wanting to scope out all possibilities. 

The whole area was a complete mess with only additional crime scene tape plastering the doorways and the frame to the window. CSU was still combing through when he had arrived, giving him a run by run of what had occurred. 

The perp had been lying in wait in the door frame to the bedroom which Sonny readily meandered into, peeking to the bed that was intact and then over towards the rest of the room that had not been messed up in the scuffle. He was half expecting there to be medals or trophies, maybe even multiple large paintings to show how luxurious the other man was. 

Yet, the apartment was large and filled with brand new appliances and furniture; the set-up itself was moderate and almost simple in the colors. 

“He probably designed it himself,” Sonny laughed lightly as his fingers trailed against the wall that held a picture of Rafael with his mother and another with his grandmother presumably. Overall, it did not meet his fantasized expectations; it was ten times better because there was a glimmer of hope that the attorney would not turn him away for not being up to par financially. After all, going to night school at Fordham to complete his law classes and living in a moderate studio with his cat was not the glamorous lifestyle. Smacking his forehead as that reminded him that he need to fix up his place before he would dare bring the Latino over; it would be embarrassing to bring his man crush into a studio with clothing strewn about the place and his dishes piled up. A typical bachelor appearance.

Before he could even begin to worry about leaving, a small movement outside the window had jostled his attention enough to drag him over towards the tall window that peered to the city below. Being up on the 8th floor of a building could be terrifying for most; so how could the perp manage to get himself into the apartment and not be detected on his way out? A frown on his features as he peeked down to the fire escape that was a long way either way one thought about it for a quick getaway. 

“They were staking this place out.” He murmured in a revelation to himself, tapping his chin and observing realistically the routes in and out were not simple. 

As the younger detective’s head tossed back to gaze to the buildings across the street to see if any of the neighbors had a clear view of the bedroom; he caught sight of curtains movement which made him narrow his eyes. It was just in time to his gaze that it closed.   
He was not one to brag, but he had 20 x 20 vision, or at least he liked to believe so. 

Blue eyes narrowed at his quick suspicion then nodded, “I need to question some of the other neighbors in that building.” Sonny had to be thorough after all and could not be leaving loose angles, this was Rafael’s life on the line. Turning on his heel as quickly as he arrived, the lanky detective trailed to head out of the apartment and vowed to explore it more thoroughly; with the permission of the owner and on a more relaxed circumstances. 

The detective found himself down to the desk security guard that had been there in the morning, having been interrogated by Fin and Mike and gazed to him hesitantly. 

“Heya, I’m Detective Carisi, I know I kinda just flashed my badge on the way in but I wanted to introduce myself.” 

“Uh hi. I’m Gabriel Cortes.” The Hispanic guard retorted, taking to his feet to offer his hand and look visibly disturbed as he gazed to the cameras in the corner of the room then back to the Detective. His appearance was that of an average middle-aged man, thinning black hair and a face that had never seen a crime scene so up close. “I’ve already given my statement….to your colleagues.” 

“I understand, I’m pretty sure they’ve already been through the tapes and such. But I haven’t seen ‘em today, wanna give me a quick run down?” 

“I’d rather get back to work Detective….You understand. The tenants have been asking me nonstop questions since the sirens and incident…”   
Sonny’s face hardened and leaned forward to gaze over the man, “It wasn’t just an ‘incident’ Gabe. Two of my fellow officers found their deathbeds here and the life of a prosecutor hangs in the balance to figure this out. So your cooperation will be much appreciated.” He commented with a firmer tone. “Or I could charge you with being an accessory and being a wing-man.” 

“What?! N-no way man, I’m no wing-man to this.” His hands held up in defense as he flopped back down onto his chair and reached for the security tape from the small console in front of him. Popping it out of its holder, the man handed it over firmly, “I told them that I needed permission to give this to you…. but here. Please don’t mention it was given freely.” The gaze in his brown eyes were pleading and desperate as his grip turned near white as if handing the video would mean his life. 

“Ya got my word. I wrestled ya for this.” He took the video from Gabriel’s fingers as the other man shakily settled it back down to his side, hanging his head. “Anything ya wanna tell me about this?” 

Gabriel only murmured as his palm came to rub at worn out cheek covered in barely shaven stubble, “I just was doing someone a favor...” 

“Wait, so you can identify this man?” 

“I…..I can. He was kinda hard to miss with these weird tattoos and he called himself Rick. Look the dude came by to deliver some items to his grandma up in Room 510 on the fifth floor at least once a week...not even close to Mr. Barba’s, I didn’t think anything of it.” He ran a hand through his hair as if really understanding the course of his actions. 

Sonny nodded his head, taking his notebook swiftly while pocketing the video into his trench coat and paying special close attention to the guard who seemed to have been withholding information from his teammates. “What was the favor?” 

“He said his grandma wasn’t in and needed me to buzz him in to set up everything for her before she came back. I didn’t think anything about it and just let him come in early this morning.” His eyes looking up apologetic. “Those two cops being wheeled outta here. And he left after you all did, like in the chaos so I-I didn’t put two and two together.” 

“That’s what they wanted to make you believe.” His hand rubbed at his face, “I’m going to get a sketch artist to come here. I want you to give a description to him and we will need you to recall him out of a line-up.” 

Gabriel nodded his head firmly in return to show he would cooperate as he sat there mumbling to himself, being distracted when the phone rang out for him to answer which he excused himself. The detective glanced to the video in his hands and debated to bring it back to the station for review or bring it home with him to view personally. It might give him better insight after all and Rafael would have accessibility to review it with him. 

It was not protocol, but at this point; Sonny had decided that these matters were personal and anything personal to him needed further interference on his end as he trailed back out to his patrol car to settle the item into his satchel. He knew if he was caught with the tape, it may be excluded from evidence and jeopardize any legal measures they had but the witness statement of Gabriel compensated for the risk. Now the younger’s eyes gazed towards the building across the street with a steely expression of determination and not knowing what awaited him was a reunion of magnitude. 

To be continued.


	9. Touch of Death and Splash of Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The anxiety of not being apart of the case while playing its center core drives Rafael to take action while Sonny's visit with his ex-fiancee proves to be insightful: but for him or her? 
> 
> The unraveling of a woman's psyche is never one to be toyed with as both men would soon come to understand the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Finally off of my long hiatus! 
> 
> I sincerely apologize to those who have been reading my stories; there was a big transition with my day-time job which required more time and adjusting to. I've since come to grasps with it and I'll be returning to finishing this up and starting a couple of one-shots with my OCs. Be on the look-out! 
> 
> Of course comments/kudos are welcomed and loved! 
> 
> Also side note: 
> 
> Picture of how I envision my OCs
> 
> Ellen Grady: - https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ce/aa/2f/ceaa2f3a64d7e34dc865b14aa09e03e1.jpg 
> 
> Alexander Grady: - https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/0e/2c/9c/0e2c9cd3b0ceef064a840e1e9917fab0.jpg
> 
> Sharon Rojas: https://hips.hearstapps.com/cos.h-cdn.co/assets/cm/14/25/539fb97bbd5e0_-_cos-eva-brown-bombshell-mdn.jpg)

Chapter 9: Touch of Death and Splash of Color

A detail, a fragment; anything to make the numbing sensation disappear was all Rafael wanted. A recollection of the mysterious woman who had crossed paths with him: altering a very different outcome that may have fallen on him.

Life had a way of being painfully cruel and forgiving all at once. 

Why had she intervened? This, Rebecca, who was more likely involved with these ‘Ghost’ murders; she had purposely distracted his attempt to return home to the more than likely bashing awaiting him. Despite himself, he had contacted the morgue to request the details of the slain officers from his apartment. With the authority he had, he convinced them to forward any reports and details to him so he can review them for preparation of an upcoming trial. 

When that trial would be presumably had yet to be determined as both criminals were still at large, targeting others to get to him; a frown on his features. “What am I going to do…?”

“Did you say something Mr. Barba?” Sharon mused from her place at the mahogany door frame and for what seemed the 10th time in about 2 hours. 

She had taken to frequenting his office to check on his well-being – though he had no idea if it was of her own volition or at Olivia’s personal request. Regardless, it was ebbing away at the Latino’s nerves unconsciously as his body twitched from where it sat in his long chair. 

A hand lifting to run through his dark hair casually, looking to her with a neutral expression as he responded, “Nothing, I said nothing. Now Sharon, I told you that I am fine; you don’t need to constantly check up on me.” 

“I’m sorry Mr. Barba but I was asked explicitly to-”

“Well please tell Detective Benson that the babysitting is not necessary. I think the uniform outside of my office is plenty.” He motioned to the officer who was standing opposite the office door as he had been posted by the Lieutenant on her way out of the building. She had been insistent that the man be escorted about the building; it was too much and put the attorney on edge as he grabbed a pen to click it open then closed repeatedly for a moment. “I feel like the president about to be sniped for wearing a striped tie with plaid socks…which is frequent attire for me.” 

He normally babbled to hide the frantic state of his mind yet in this instance was not accepted. 

A frown on her features as she moved her lean figure dressed in a dark blue dress suit with designer Tahari pumps over to set the new files in her arms onto his desk with a slightly harder slam than intended. The sound echoed as manicured fingernails tapped on the documents angry. The Latina herself alternating between healthy glows of tan from vacations on the beach or pale with the winters; considering he had given her a heart attack earlier, the latter was more of a description. Her long wavy tresses hanging easily on her accentuated chest. 

Her eyes were held a desperate expression as painted lips spoke, “Escúchame y escucha bien. Do not even joke of such a thing. You are a very valuable person here Mr. Barba, respect the efforts everyone is doing to ensure your safety.” She always broke out Spanish when a little emotional; having eavesdropped on her occasional break-ups from time to time. The woman was not all that patient as her facade made her seem to be. 

He was processing her words, not speaking as though scolded by his older sister despite himself being the older of the two at present time. Sharon was a woman who was well beyond her years; of course anxious as most tended to be in their line of work, but very diligent. 

She nodded to the files, “Those were faxed from the ME’s office, I presume you requested them.” 

A turn of her heel as she trailed back over to the door, the officer looking away with a whistle to pretend he had not overheard the small heated discussion and she paused. Gazing over a shoulder, Sharon spoke once more, “And Sonny asked – he’s a friend as are you.” The sound of the closed door slamming behind her echoed in the large room, leaving Rafael to gaze at her bemused, annoyed, but above all: grateful. She always had a way of being direct with him, never sugarcoating to satisfy him. 

His eyes soon turned away to fall onto the two sets of files neatly put together; his fingers brushing against the soft texture of the manila folders with a sigh as he hesitated. How many of these had come through his office without as much as a second thought? These were personal, he had to make them personal and be responsible for them now. 

Grasping onto one, nimble fingers automatically opened it to skim through the personnel file to his right, the officer who had been flung out his window like a piece of garbage. Living on the 8th floor was beneficial for a view but not for an escape. 

The officer’s name was Edwin Brogen: age 26, leaving behind a young widow with an infant son, the smile radiating from the man’s picture showed his pride in his profession as an officer of the law. The job to protect and serve was his pride. Then came the next photograph of his eyes closed permanently with lines drawn on his torso to indicate the wounds sustained from the long fall downward onto the third floor balcony; glass shards, soil from the potted plants bracing the fall were note. Bruising on his shoulders indicate a scuffle that prompted the Hail Mary over the railing. 

The images that played its scene in his mind made the Latino close the file it swiftly to catch his breath. A young man in his prime, closed coffee colored eyes that would never peel back to reveal once more; it was devastating. 

Officer Nathanial Donovan: age 21, fresh out of the academy with emergency contact a girlfriend (high school sweetheart) whom he was currently with. The series of photos now in his file were those of the injuries sustained from the altercation with the assailant himself. Bloody knuckles with defensive wounds on the arms consistent with a Swiss knife indicated he had defended his face while attempting to subdue presumably larger man. The ME had noted from the angle of the swipes, the perpetrator stood at about 6’ 5” and was definitely a prior offender from the well-executed blows. A bruised abdomen indicated that a booted kick with studs had been delivered to incapacitate him to his knees while the lamp was used to break fragments into the man’s skull from behind. Executed. 

These two young men with so much potential only to be pulled away it was a thought he could barely stomach; closing the adjoining folder. Side by side now, Rafael stared at them as he set his elbows to his desk; hands wafting through his face as he rubbed them wearily. 

A small bell chime could be heard in the office; yet another text sent to him by a colleague or other inquiring about his well-being. It was not that he felt put off by the thought, if anything, it assured he was alive and well. It did not; however, hinder the guilt surrounding his heart and falling into the pit of his stomach that he may be the reason this all was coming about. After Olivia and Sonny had left him to his dispositions, Rafael had taken it to himself to cancel his meetings or reschedule court sessions to focus on recollecting people he may have made a viable enemy of. 

Currently his list was very minimal to about two or three names since it was logical he would not know of anyone he would have angered without direct contact, his mind wondering a mile a minute. 

He was restless; when he was restless, the attorney had a way of falling to gripping vices that plagued him in his youth. The occasional drinking, smoking, or even one-night stands, the desire to feel his unsettledness removed if only with a small notion of relief. 

Rafael knew that to work in this profession, sacrifices had to be expected as he knew from watching the SVU squad first hand. Diligent, strong group of individuals who dedicated to their work but were unable to bring work home with them: it took a strong constitution to understand the ins and outs of the unit. Joining the team, the Cuban knew what it entailed as he had recalled his decision to refuse the drunken detective’s affections the night prior. 

Even the brief encounter in the office, in the presence of the detective’s superior; those long arms around his frame were welcoming despite his own flushed appearance. It was difficult to not linger a moment longer. 

It was a dangerous temptation that often produced negative outputs. Seeing the images of the fallen reminded him of how close his own team was to this matter; it could be their faces plastered in those hollow files and his heart gripped painfully. 

“I can’t wait for them to just come get me; I must investigate this on my own as well.” His eyes turned steely as they normally did when going into the courtroom about to a nail a criminal to the wall hard for raping a 6 year old girl as he had done the day prior. The victim had been his 6 year old neighbor’s child in his care, the trust misplaced as he had assaulted her and the attorney had no sympathy for his defense that it was uncontrollable. 

The look of pure determination rested now on his features as he took to his feet, reaching behind his chair to grasp onto his suit jacket. With the chaotic nature of the morning, Rafael had barely had enough time to freshen himself up with the spare clothing. And now with his apartment on quarantine level, it would be quite the feat to be showering at the residence of the man he was trying desperately to avoid on a personal level.  
Not one to back down a challenge, the attorney gazed to his watch briefly, the only item left on his person from the morning’s incident. Having lost his wallet and cellphone that morning, he had to go and retrieve a new cellphone and see if he can get the records of any incoming or outgoing calls from the device after all. 

He stepped out of his office, both the officer and his assistant looking up almost alarmed similarly to parents who were waiting for their petulant teen to come out of his room. 

“Mr. Barba, are you going somewhere? You don’t have any meetings for today.”

“I have a couple of errands to run. I think this will help me clear my head; please reschedule any calls that may come….and should someone be looking for to call him.” He pointed to his escort who looked surprised. “Officer…” His eyes looking at the bright badge that read “Officer Collins”, “Collins, you’ll come with me as my escort; I need to stop by the apartment for a brief moment to collect my things and go stop to get a new phone.” The ADA did not leave much time for arguments or idling as he trailed towards the hallway to the elevator to see himself out of the large courthouse.

Officer Collins had given his cellphone number already to the assistant quickly with a sheepish smile as he chased after the shorter Latino. 

The hurried footsteps of the officer right behind him was evident his shock was over as he followed his ward. Taking in the air, the attorney moved to sit beside the other in the patrol car and feeling like he regained a new purpose. As he buckled into his seat, advising the phone came first; the attorney’s eyes gazed out to the crowd of faces that always blurred into one another and really focused. He had instinct so it was time it was used. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The doorman to the large scale apartment building across the street from the crime scene was very calm as he greeted the officer with a tip of his hat, “Afternoon Officer, what can I do for you?” 

“M’name’s Detective Carisi. I’m investigating a double homicide that occurred in the building across from this one. I need to interview a couple of the residents an’ you for any details.” He commented as he took out his small notebook, motioning to the flashing lights of a couple of squad cars along with a CSU van cleaning up their equipment after combing the whole area for about an hour and a half. 

The doorman followed the line of sight then shook his head swiftly. 

“Danny. And no sir, I haven’t seen anything; I just got on duty. Josh who replaced me’s already gone home for the day.” The doorman commented, scratching at his cheek idly, “I asked him what happened and he said someone died, I thought he was being an ass…but if you’re telling me that, it’s gotta be true.” 

“To of New York’s finest, so I hope you can understand how important it is I collect all an’ any information ya got.”  
Another nod of agreement to cooperate followed by a small sigh as he commented, “This neighborhood’s got good folks you know? It’s such a shame.” 

“Did you happen to notice before you got on if anyone suspicious was hangin’ around?” Sonny commented as he took a casual stance to show he was not suspecting of the man. 

“Anyone in particular or you got a description?” 

The taller male would lift back on his notes to what CSU had determined of the perpetrator: a large, burly Caucasian man that stood about 6’5” with a size 10 boot from the indention he left on Officer Donovan’s body. This had been radioed to Sonny as he had scoped out the apartment like a hawk to see if anything may have been missed. “Big guy, mighta looked like he got outta prison. Bald, real tall, something to that extent, white male and I’d wager around 30-35 in age.” 

Danny would crunch his nose for a moment in thought then shook his head, “Nobody comes to mind with that description and no one’s been loitering since I got here.” 

“What about any residents? Do they match that description or even partially?”

“No I’m afraid. When I got here, Mrs. Henderson was walkin’ her wiener dog, little Ricky dropping off the mail---ah well, the missus on the fourth floor, uh, Ms. Grady was kinda flustered lookin’ as she passed on her way in but she said she had been to a yoga class. She got dropped off by some big guy, barely looked at him since he was built like a beast and he sped right off.” He commented lightly. “Could…that be your guy?” The man looking pale now as if realizing he could have been close to a killer unknowingly.

Sonny tapped his chin with the end of the pen briefly before noting down the name of the woman then looked to him, “Not necessarily, but did you happen to get a look at his license plate?” 

“I’m sorry man, I didn’t get that. I was just holding open the door for her as she scampered upstairs. By the time I looked back to give my thanks to the guy, he literally was around the corner.” He nodded over towards the corner street that read “89th and Madison”. 

“Thanks, I’ll head inside and talk to Ms. Grady first.”

The doorman pointed to the fellow behind the desk who was watching security cameras, “Leif knows what I’m talkin’ about since he was checkin’ her out as she walked past.” Danny nodded lightly. 

The Detective meandered over to the security desk where the scraggly fellow manning the security got to his feet and gave a mild salute. It amused Carisi for a moment as he returned it before shaking his head, “At ease son, can you tell me if you’ve seen anything suspicious or outta the normal?” 

“Uh no sir, well I did see Ms. Grady coming in looking super-hot-” His thoughts interrupted at the now unamused expression the man tossed at him, clearing his throat then shook his head, “Other than that no.” 

“Why was it odd for you to see Ms. Grady looking ‘hot’ and ‘flustered’? She lives here doesn’t she?” 

“Yeah she does but like….she looked like she ran a marathon, man. I tried to ask her if she needed anything and she stomped off all miffed. It was weird.” Leif mused out loud before motioning with his hands, “But she’s got quite the bod on her.” 

Sonny’s eyes would roll before looking over to the man with s curious expression, “What’s her apartment number? I’d like to ask her a couple of questions and make sure she’s alright you know.” The Detective heard the name vaguely before like a distant memory that had been buried among the other junk wafting about in his head. 

“She’s on the ninth floor - apartment 918.” Leif nodded as he looked to his computer screen that held all of the residents; he thought nothing of it since the man was a police officer himself. 

Moving over to the elevator to travel up those floors; the Detective looked over his notebook while thinking of that name. Grady. Where had he heard it before? Growing up in Staten Island, he knew plenty of Irish folk who retained their names even through marriage, but this one was ringing a faint bell. As he reached the ninth floor of the twelve floor building; the tall blonde made his way down the hallway of the nicely decorated apartments. It was not surprising considering that the ADA lived across the street in the upscale area. 

Number 914, 916, and finally 918; Sonny straightened himself out firmly to look more presentable as he was representing the precinct. He could not very well appear disheveled despite the rampant thoughts in his mind. 

Lifting a gloved hand to knock against the wood firmly, the Detective announced himself, “Police. I’d like to ask you a few questions.” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ellen had momentarily gotten over her anger at seeing her ex-boyfriend taking on the case that was making the headlines. SHE was making the headlines and he would probably just scoff at her efforts; she situated herself into her armchair that was across from her brother with a glass of wine swishing in a small glass cup. 

“I’ll need to tread carefully then; if Sonny’s involved, he’ll be all over this like white on rice.” 

“Yeah, that fool always was like a hound. He could sniff out when I was usin’ a mile away!” Alex commented as he was mildly miffed at the memory of the brief encounters he had had with the officer dating his sister of the time. Of course, the ex-con knew his sister’s infatuation with the man, so it only further added to the fuel for his amusement. “Too bad it isn’t for you anymore – the dedicated puppy love.” 

“Oh shut up Alex not everything that comes out of your mouth is useful.”

“That’s not what you said last night.” An eyebrow wiggle in her direction had her scoffing but not denying. The two were only siblings in name: their parents having married and re-married since to not even connect them save for their last names. Ellen had hated her birth father since the man walked out on her and her mother at a young age; she adopted Alex's father's last name instead considering her dream of marrying her lanky detective was all but a distant memory.

Their relationship was also not the orthodox one of sisterly and brotherly love; they had their respective partners yet the itch to dominate came with a heavy price that only they were willing to pay with one another. 

Robert, their third wheel, had once caught them in the living room; half way through a make-out session only to leave once again when he realized he was not invited to jump in. It was a glimpse into the perverse minds they had; it was enticing to the man to know that no woman could remotely compare to the harsh nail digs of his sister's brutal scratches to his skin or the sweet moans that escaped her lips that paled to the dirty words that covered them. The convict’s hardened brown eyes looked over to Ellen briefly in her splendor. Wearing comfortable yet form fitting jeans that hugged her frame amazingly and allowed his eyes to rake over, to the plaid shirt on her upper body with top buttons undone with slightly revealing pink lacy bra; she was ravishing. 

Alex had to catch the licking of his lips as well as the suggestion that threatened to fall from his lips to a little romp in the living room to let off some of the steam from earlier. She was in a mood and nothing could pull her from it, especially not sex. 

“Alex, call Robert and tell him to meet at our usual spot tonight. I think if I talk to the twit myself I’ll explode.” 

Her lithe fingers gripped the base of the glass more firmly, lifting to sip at the alcohol idly then stare at the curtain covered balcony window. The snickered that followed was obnoxious to the woman as her eyes followed the burly man who gathered to his feet. “Didn’t you hear me?” 

“Yes, yes. I’m going to take a shower first THEN call your fuck-head.” The man stuck his tongue out at her, whistling as he went to the bathroom in the master bedroom to annoy her. 

“You should’ve taken a shower as soon as you got back, dumbass. The idiots I work with I swear….”

The woman’s eyes narrowed as her other hand went to tapping against the fabric of the armchair. This morning fell on her. Her brother’s target was the final one; however, a momentary lapse in judgment had forced Ellen’s hand to go and see this man, ADA Barba, first hand. The view of the man in his blue sweats with flushed features was not impressionable, then again; she had already developed a hated bias towards him that filtered into her step-brother’s thirst for violence. 

She had programmed her phone to mimic the phone number of the ADA so making the warning phone call was simple; then came the man jogging to her side with her trained dog – Mitzy in the park. 

She was only supposed to make the call and observe from afar with her binoculars as the Hispanic man attempted his morning jog; her involvement nearly got her brother caught. It was necessary she reasoned to herself. Her fingers had made quick work of removing his wallet and cellphone – she would keep them in her possession to plant at a later time since she had called Alex back to her side like an attack dog. 

Of course he was irate for pulling out too early; but Ellen was aware that she could not keep the Hispanic at bay while waiting at the deli. It had compromised all the planning: her moment of weakness. 

The woman had to see the beast upfront to make him less of a man than he already was in her mind. Her eyes gazing to the dozing dog in the corner then sighed out loud, “I want him dead, why does it have to be so compromising?” 

The ride back to the apartment had Alex yelling at her obscenely about being a fool to her emotions, which he was right; emotions were inhibitors. They made impulsive actions that put at risk the grandeur scheme. From his disheveled state, he probably went to a local peep show that had viewings during the day to lay low for a couple of hours; and returning to be an ass. Her jaw set steely as she finished the drink that barely burned, it was not like a shot of whiskey or vodka that she yearned for. 

She was reckless though not nearly as much as her brother was: the shot would have to be taken later over Robert’s dead body for keeping the truth from her. Her anger cannot be easily quenched. 

Hazel eyes would close as she recalled the view from the window with Sonny Carisi in the apartment she had stalked out for nearly a year now; his features more rugged than she recalled as he aged quite nicely. What she would not do to have it so close she would grab the fool and kiss the life out of him? 

Her thoughts were interrupted when the banging on her door brought her from her stupor. Before she could yell back at the person, leisurely unfolding herself from the armchair to go answer the door; a voice broke through the otherwise silence of the room. A very familiar rugged one with the faint Staten Island accent she had come to always adore. 

“Sonny….” 

The woman clamored to her feet easily, which happened to be bare, then took out her phone for a quick look over: the reflection that glanced back was of a woman with soft hazel eyes, dark short hair that was cut to her cheekbones to accentuate them and painted pink lips. 

A quick glance down to her blouse to unbutton another one to reveal slightly more the bra she had been flashing to Alex previously. 

Alex. 

A deep frown on her features as she shouted back to the door, “One minute!” The woman went over to the bathroom door that was unlocked, presumably he believed she would jump in; he was mistaken as she hissed, “Alex, don’t come out of this room.” 

“What?” A shout back to the woman as his wet head popped out with a raised eyebrow. 

“Do not come out or so help me Alex.” A linger growl as she moved to lock the door behind her as he could easily open it from the inside to leave after; then moved to head over to the awaiting door. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sonny could be standing outside of the green apartment door with the golden ‘918’ branded onto it as he heard another door behind him nodded to the elderly woman who peeked out. He brandished his badge briefly which she nodded to then popped back into her apartment; apparently indicating she did not want to get involved if he was not asking her. 

Soon his attention returned to the door facing him as his trained ears picked up on the unlatching chains to the switching lock, he stood straight as he was representing the NYPD after all; though his eyes fell to the woman with short black curly hair that framed her oval face, big hazel eyes with soft purple eyeshadow and a soft smile on pink plump lips that had curled into the expression. 

“Ellen?” 

“Hi Sonny, it’s been a long time.” She mentioned lightly as she crossed her arms to lean casually against the door frame, it was as if this meeting after two years was no big deal as he stood there frozen in time. 

“Yea…. a long time.” He repeated softly. 

Carisi shook his head from the brief surprise. This was Ellen Mitchell, his ex-fiancée with whom he had a committed relationship with since high school; it was expected the pair of them would be together. It was practically the talk among their neighbors, but then he moved onto the police academy as he had always wanted. He grew within departments quickly with his ambition and drive to become a detective which deteriorated the time he had with the woman. 

They had less time with one another and more time arguing the moments he happened to be home. She always was an intellectual woman who could have done anything, he always encouraged her to pursue her needs yet all she saw was them together. A family with kids and growing old together. That serene scene had scared him. Not that he had not grown to love such an upbringing with his folks and his sister; but it was not for him.

He knew not everyone would be able to have such a lifestyle: the victims he dealt with, the people he saved, that was what he lived for. 

The break-up had been kind of ugly, but he could not blame her for after four years together only to break off for his career. A small recollection of her holding a knife to her neck in a threat to kill herself, only to have him wrestle it out of her hand with the resulting scar on the left side of that soft pale skin. Sonny had never seen her break down in such a fashion, not realizing how committed to their relationship she was as opposed to himself. It was an eye-opener that ended their relationship with her committed and himself losing touch with all the cases that accumulated shortly after. 

To see her again, it was like stepping into a time capsule that he was uncertain of how to handle it so standing there in observation appeared to be the best option. 

She stood there now: clad in a plaid blue and red shirt, with a bob cut to those dark locks that had once hung so low near her ass, and those same hazel eyes that he had seen in hysterics now looking at him calmly. After what seemed like an hour of brief staring, shameless ogling on Ellen’s part, she spoke once more with a clearing of her throat. 

“Are you going to stand there staring at me all day or did you want to come in?” 

Sonny offered a sheepish smile himself the scratched the back of his head with his pencil, “Ah sorry Ellen, I’m an idiot. Thank you.” He nodded as he moved into the apartment easily as he gazed around himself. The door closing behind him clicking shut as he turned to look at her. He had to blink his eyes to see how closely she stood to his person, about a foot or so away; “I didn’t know you moved to Manhattan….” 

“Well we didn’t exactly keep in touch. It’s crazy to see you again. I’d give you a hug, but I’d imagine your wife wouldn’t like that.” She commented, crossing her arms over her chest in a teasing motion to show there were ‘no hard feelings’ about what had occurred between them. 

To see she was not about to throw something sharp in his direction, it made his shoulders relax as he leaned over to give her a firm hug about her lithe frame. She stood at her small height, it had always been an aspect he teased of her to which she would only fuss as he chuckled. 

“Thanks for that. An’ nah. I’m married to the job.” 

“I’ve followed the same path as you.” She commented, lifting a hand to wiggle the ring-less finger. 

“Since when do you call yourself Ms. Grady? I asked a couple of guys downstairs and the name was kinda stuck in my head. I thought that was your brother's name. ” 

Ellen shrugged as she looked up mischievous, “Since my father left and I was old enough for the name change. I wasn’t going to carry the bastard’s name for longer. I used my step-father’s. It has nothing to do with that fiend in jail so please don't compare.” Her eyes mock pleading him to drop the conversation of her brother; after all, she did not want to bring up the suspicion he was actually out of prison and could be considered a suspect. It had been a while since Sonny had seen Alex considering her brother had changed appearance with shaving his head clean and the added tats to his burly arms, she knew he could be implicated. 

“Ah right, right; he was an Irish fellow.” Sonny responded lightly.

“I see you’re here just to ask questions.” Ellen spoke reserved yet with a teasing undertone at his sheepish expression. She took in his musk from his normal shampoo of with hints of ginger that always smelled so nice as her arms enveloped around his neck; the scent of the city, ginger and natural musk that was all Sonny Carisi and it was intoxicating. She gave a small squeeze before pulling back reluctantly, patting his scruffy cheek with a smirk, “Looking so dapper as always with your hair back like I always said looked good on you.” 

“Aw you always were the flatterer El.” He inhaled a moment after catching himself using her shortened name then blinked. 

She only waved him off, peeling back to trail towards the kitchenette as he walked around, “It’s okay Sonny. I’ve moved on, became a better person. Have a seat, I’ll bring you some water.” 

“I see that, like…. you cut your hair and everythin’. It looks good on you El.” The detective spoke more comfortably to the woman now that he had permission to do so. “I can’t really stay too long, I’m on a case.” Sonny’s feet carried him over towards the living room with the large couch that definitely looked tempting to relax in. He saw dark blue curtains that he had seen previously from the other side of the street which had urged him to come over. The world was too coincidental for his tastes. 

A fluttery laugh escaped her as she held the glass easily, bare feet maneuvering her lean figure over to the taller man to hold up the glass which he took with a nod, “You’re always on the go. I couldn’t keep up Sonny.”  
He situated himself into the middle of the couch as his eyes watched her carefully settle herself into the opposite chair with a hum; she did not give off any suicidal vibes so his own body was not on edge with tension. After all, a two-year reunion with the fiancée you broke things off with was not highly anticipated by the taller detective; he sipped at his water calmly. A brief silence overcame them both from that statement alone that he collected his breath then released it. 

“I’m sorry for the way things ended Ellen; I didn’ mean to make ya a… casualty between my job an’ ya.” The Staten Island native spoke easily then set the empty glass down onto the coffee table between them; keeping his eyes fixated on it for a moment. “Things just got outta control an’ I didn’ handle it the way I should’ve. Ya deserved that much.” His fingers setting aside the notebook to wring his hands for a moment in concentration. “An’ I didn’ come visit ya at the hospital…. when I should’ve. I was afraid to see what I caused, ya know? I’m a coward El. I know that you won’t forgive me, hell you don’t have to; but I am so sorry for not being the man you deserved.”

She crossed her legs, hands folded into her lap as she observed him with a careful gaze. Ellen’s hazel gaze followed the line of sight from his mild fiddling with his hands to his rapid speaking. He was still as he had been when they were younger, apologetic when caught with his hand in the cookie jar; but there was more ruggedness to him that only added to the elongated appeal she had for him. 

When he finished his apology which she knew was coming, her fingers had unconsciously unfolded as one hand meandered to her nape to brush the scar of the knife wound that had been self-inflicted. It was the day she was admitted to the hospital she knew that self-inflicted pain was not as satisfying as delegating it onto others. The looks of terrors from their torture riddled bodies, their eyes requesting mercy and receiving none gave her a thrilling chill that she had not received in a long while. “Sonny….” 

The Italian’s eyes glanced up swiftly to hit her with those dazzling baby blues that always had a different effect on her; a yearning in her abdomen that always resulted in her jumping him for sex. Now she yearned to see them helpless, begging her for the release, it made her lick her lips lightly. 

“El….” 

Ellen cleared her throat as she held up the hand to wave lightly, “It was hard at first; but it got significantly better. I let my hair go as I let you go; I’ve never forgotten you but I’ve gotten on my feet. I work at Latham Watkins as an office manager, you helped me realize I had to achieve my own dream.” 

She offered a small smile, “Besides, it’s not like it wasn’t for the best. I forgive you.” Not, her mind added the last part but the honey colored words apparently appeased him as his expression became more of relief than that of a sad kicked puppy. “Now what are you here about?” 

“Ah right, right. There was a murder across the street; or rather, two of ‘em. And seein’ as your apartment looks down at the opposite building, I wanted to see if you saw anything. I mean some guys saw you looking all flushed so I wanted to see if you were alright.” Sonny commented as he went back to his little notebook with notes and scribbles, looking to her with a smile, “But seeing ya now I can see yer okay. You didn’t see anyone odd on the street earlier?”  
The woman tapped her chin now, giving a shake of her head lightly, “Nope, I can’t say that I did. I went to try this new yoga class at a studio uptown around 58th and it was harder than I thought.” She laughed it off, motioning to her face, “You know when I try new things I go a little too much sometimes. But I had to hurry home afterwards, I forgot that I have a date later and I wanted to get ready.” The woman mused as if attempting to see if that rattled him. 

“Is, that right? That’s good for you! I’ll have to come visit more often and maybe I’ll see him.” The grin on his face was purely platonic and genuinely happy for her which only turned her stomach downward from the initial arousal previously. 

Ellen ran a hand through her hair as she could only nod then remark, “Does that mean you want to come hang out like before Sonny?”

“It’s definitely a possibility! I mean granted I don’t have a lotta time off; but we can plan it.” His voice sincere.

The woman smiled a long grin, “I’d like that. When do you think it’ll be? I just want to clear my schedule too.”

The man opened his mouth to respond his affirmation in attempting to rekindle their old friendship before his cellphone chimed lightly in his pocket, “Uh…. I’m sorry. I gotta take this.” She waved to him to answer as he pulled the cell from his phone to tap on automatically. “Carisi.” 

“Sonny? It’s Sharon.” 

“Hi Sharon, is everything okay?” He sat up straighter, already getting to his feet as if ready to leave at a second’s notice if the ADA’s assistant held any form of anxiousness in her voice. 

“No, no. He’s alright, well…. He’s left the office with Officer Collins. He went to get a new cellphone with him, wanted to let me know if you needed to get in contact with him its 212-555-5676. I figured you’d want to know.” She spoke firmly to the detective whom she had a soft spot for since she met him following around her boss. 

Sonny was writing down the phone number into his notebook to add into his cellphone as a contact, he was definitely going to check and see where the Hispanic man was considering he would be picking him up soon. The man could be reckless so it made the detective grumble lightly, “Did he say if he was headin’ back to the office?” 

“No; I assume he might have gone elsewhere after the cellphone trip. Maybe he went to go pick up his clothing? I am not sure, I trust you to get in contact from here and keep ME posted.” She stated adamantly before hanging up on the taller man. 

Ellen held a small frown on her features as she vaguely heard snippets of conversation from the female on the other side of the phone; her eyes observing backwards at the phone number that was being written down and committing it to memory. She may need it later after all. When Sonny glanced to her once again, she offered a shake of her head to devoid the frown with a small smile, “Go ahead and call what you have to. You came to ask me questions; but I’ve told you I haven’t seen anything to help you I’m afraid.” 

“Ah Ellen I swear I’ll definitely come by to visit more; we’ll catch up. You still like Emilio’s?” 

“Are you asking me to go all the way back to Staten Island with you?” She laughed lightly that was a little forced on her part; but she had a part to play as she gazed with amused eyes. “The scandal Sonny Carisi! The two natives going back to our roots and unmarried.” 

“Well maybe that fellow of yours will get “de-scandalize” you; I’m afraid all hope’s lost on me.” Sonny laughed contently as he took to his feet, setting his notebook back into his pocket after determining that Ellen knew nothing of the events that occurred earlier this morning; he did not even distrust her location being at a yoga studio. 

The woman could only gather to her feet as well to walk him out; a small glance in the corner of her eye when he was not looking to see the door to her bedroom peek open a smidge before closing once more with a light click. This made the man blink his eyes to gaze up from where he had been typing the phone number into his cellphone. “What’s that?” 

“Hm? I just clicked my tongue at you; shame on you for not saying there’s hope. Your mother would cry.” She commented, mimicking the click of her tongue to detract attention to her once more as he nodded in agreement. She had stepped closer to him to smooth over the collar of his shirt with a hum, enjoying that he did not move away.

His fingers dialed the number as he heard the voice of a burly man on the other side, “Collins? It’s Carisi; where’s your location?” His focus on the call not the woman in front of him. 

“I’m currently at 79th East and Madison Avenue.” 

“Wait, that’s ….”

“Yeah, Mr. Barba asked me to bring him here. He said he need to get his items and wanted to take a quick look at the carnage. Why?” 

The detective swiftly made his way over towards the windows, pulling back the balcony and effectively out of Ellen’s grasp as she gripped the air with fists he had not noticed, “Yeah, I see you down there. Ya see me?” He waved from his place as the officer glanced about. “Look at the opposite building an’ look up.” 

Sonny’s eyes lit with amusement and relief when he noted the officer’s gaze over to him as the wave was returned, “Keep an eye on ‘im. I’ll be there in a bit and will handle it from there.” He hung up, looking over the clock blaring on the screen that read ‘4:52 pm’. An affectionate smile on his features, “Talk about punctuality.” 

“What?” The owner of the apartment chimed in before she watched him trail to her. 

“El, I’ll call ya. Number’s still the same?” He bent over to press a kiss on her cheek in departure as he made his way over to the door once more; Ellen scrambling after him in surprise at his quick step. 

“Uh, yes. Are you heading out already?” 

“Yea, something’s come up. Thanks for your time and we’ll catch up I promise.” The Detective nodded his head as he stepped out of the door, down the hallway in practically a skip to the elevator to catch it down with a whistle escaping him. 

Ellen’s eyes narrowed as he stepped in the elevator, watching those metal doors close as she let out a sound of frustration and slammed the door. “That idiot!” 

“Sounds like a nice visit.” Alex came out of the bedroom, still dripping wet from the shower as the towel was wrapped around his narrow waist with another around his neck that he had been drying his scalp with. 

“Ugh! I can’t believe he would come here…. ask for forgiveness…then run out the door for that bastard.” She moved over to the window to peek out herself in time to see Sonny look both ways before running across the street to speak to the uniformed officer inside as they waited presumably for the shorter Hispanic man to come out from the apartment. 

Alex moved to lean over to grab the glass on the coffee table to look it over with a raised eyebrow, “You said you were over this fucker, El. Why--”

“My name. Is. ELLEN!” She turned on her heel swiftly, fingers reaching for the glass from her brother’s hand to toss it against the door that was closed with a scream. She was going to get this man; with her bare hands and wring his skinny tanned neck with her fingers. 

The satisfaction was coming, this was certain as her hazel eyes glazed over from the anger she felt in her blood. Someone was going to die tonight and she was going to be the one to do it. The devotion that was clearly read in Sonny's eyes confirmed her worst fear: he was in love with this ADA Rafael Barba so any hope of possible rekindling had been blown out as quickly as the whirlwind of him coming into her apartment. It made her teeth grit as she clenched her fists at her sides, any remote feeling of guilt now evaporated to be replaced with her burning hatred. There will be hell to pay. 

To be continued….


	10. Ain't My Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the prospect of getting to share an apartment for the weekend ahead; Sonny has long forgotten about his ex-fiance in favor of the man who he idolizes to the point of possession. Will he come to terms with his feelings or will his indecisive actions only be counterproductive? Rafael knows that his relationship has to stay as is but the temptation of the weekend brings prospects for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I've been taking long ass hiatuses! I realized that I had this chapter sitting on my desktop -pending- and practically begging me to finish it as it was nearly done then writer's block cursed my head. 
> 
> I'm up till 1 am now finishing this up so apologies for stupid grammar mistakes or sentence structures as I wanted to posted this out while the inspiration was fresh in my head! I'm hoping to come back to this more frequently when I can :) Thanks to all the kudos, patience and love I've gotten for this fic it's definitely loved and appreciated from me 
> 
> SIDE NOTE: I am planning to write a small side fic of Dodds/Rollins date on the side and debating to write the next segment that MIGHT get a little steamy as a side fic and continue next chapter to the end of the weekend rendezvous ;) )

Chapter 10: 

Melodic musical notes that were playing “Twinkle Little Star” could be heard coming from a soft chew like toy that seemed very out of place to the normally bustling squad room where crying, shrill phone rings, and yelling was its lullaby; it belonged to a little girl with soft pale hair and bright eyes that were the spitting image of Amanda.

“Jesse, hello there baby girl.” 

The eldest member of the SVU team would coo at the little child in her car seat – a dark hand gently reached forward to caress her tiny palm as the child sucked on her pacifier while wriggling at the attention of the man. 

Finn had taken it to himself to play as a surrogate grandfather to the baby belonging to single mother, Amanda. He had not done right by his own son and his growing family, so this was the best practice to apply to his own granddaughter from Ken’s side. 

“You’re going to be meeting some trouble soon.” 

“Is that Jesse?” The voice of another male soon appeared beside him, so close to the African American’s ear that he knew if he turned his head they would be in the most awkward lip-lock that neither would live down.

Rolling his eyes, Finn would only tilt his head to the baby, “Right on time… this fool…”A soft whisper that made him clear his throat as he pulled back his hand from the child reluctantly, shifting it to the right of him to confirm his suspicions when it came into contact of the newest member of their team’s face, “Space man, you heard of it?” 

“Oh sorry, I was a little excited to see her. Rollins doesn’t really hang out with me often – Carisi seems…closer so I was …” Mike continued to mumble around the hand that was on his face, after the initial grunt of surprise obviously; then leaned back a moment to wrinkle his nose.

“Eager? Nervous? Green as a pea? It’s not a flattering color on you Sergeant, besides Carisi is the type of guy who will just throw himself like a leech … I feel kinda bad for Barba if he wants kids, doesn’t seem the type.” The elder murmured that last part more to himself, though loud enough for anyone to listen in. 

An expression of confusion came across Mike’s face at the last part, “What do you mean?” 

The poor sap, he was not going to last long not being in tune with all that occurred in their department, “You HAVE to work on your observation skills, man. You gotta learn to read the mood – just a piece of advice.” A waggle of his finger to the man as they stared at the baby for a moment then back towards one another as they waited for Amanda to return, Finn would keep his poker face a moment. “Or you’re going to be taking a LOT of cold showers…”

“Wait…were you talking about me and Amanda or were we talking about Carisi?” The taller male’s head would merely tilt to the side, adding to his already confused puppy expression. 

“Keep up, sarge.” After a brief pause and the sound of a door opening, the Lieutenant’s, with a familiar blonde woman making her way towards the pair of men; Odafin’s hand settled on top of Mike’s to pat it lightly, “Just pay extra attention to this princess, and you’re golden. I’ll pray for you man.” He laughed as he made his exit, pausing to whisper something into the woman’s ear with a brief glance back to Mike, who would only shift awkwardly, then share a laugh as he walked towards the elevators, “Good night you two.” 

Amanda’s lips had curled into a smile from seeing her partner bonding with their new Sergeant; closing Olivia’s door behind her as she walked back to her little one. She no longer felt the new mother jitters that she had previously with anyone crowding around Jesse, these people would give their lives for them both so fear was the furthest from her mind now. The blonde’s steps were steady though blue irises would blink lightly from the movement of Finn to her side to speak to her. Tilting her head to his lips, the smile tilted further up at his statement, “He’s a hopeless case, but I approve: don’t wear him out too much now.” A laugh escaping her as she would only nod her head then saw the confused expression of the man in question. 

Her fingers reached for the car seat handle without even looking down as her eyes looked to Mike’s only to come into contact with his large fingers already securely curled around the plastic bar. “Um, you don’t have to carry her, its fine.” 

“Are you kidding? I’ve been waiting to meet her for so long....I’m not going to let her go just yet.” His voice was deep, almost childish from thinking her incredulous from taking such an honor from him; but his eyes read sincerity that Amanda could only snicker slightly. 

“I can’t agree with Finn since I think you’ve got lots of potential.” Amanda mused, moving the hand instead to cup his face and brush a thumb against his larger nose with a nod. 

A tilt of his head then offered a crooked smile of his own as he presumed what she said was a compliment or would be taken as one by the helpless man, “Thanks? I think…”

She leaned her face up to press a small kiss to his cheek then grabbed his bag, Jesse’s and her own to toss over a shoulder with ease then hooked her free arm around his to tug him towards the elevator. 

“No, thank YOU.” The two stood for a moment then sidled into the contraption with a content feeling developing in her heart, a hope she had not felt in the longest time as she squeezed his bicep lightly, the smile never fading. 

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

When one hears the expression, “the description does not do it justice,” this scene was no exaggeration to that sentiment as Rafael stood in the middle of his living room after having had to bend himself sideways to literally get past the door with neon yellow police tape covering it and could only stand with a stern expression in addition to clenched fists. 

“Mr. Barba, we’ll have your apartment back to you within 3 days; do you need assistance finding temporary accommodations? I can make a recommendation to your supervisors should it need approval for funding.” It was standard procedure for the city to compensate the victim for any inconvenience incurred from their home being made a crime scene for further investigation purposes. 

In a daze, the ADA had not moved from the spot nor registered what was being said to him as his hazel eyes took the moment to see the devastation one could individual could wrought. 

The technician pushed back their glasses, shaking his head as he knew the shock of a victim when he saw one then shifted his stance to wave a gloved hand in front of the shorter male, “Mr. Barba, did you hear me?” 

“Huh? Oh I’m sorry…”Blinking rapidly to readjust to the fact he was not alone in the apartment and had to put his poker business face on, Rafael’s hand went to wave lightly to the younger man who spoke to him, “I have a place to stay thank you. Do you know when everything will be processed? My office will have contacted the ME to have a copy of anything you discover sent to me as well.” 

“Yes, I’ve received confirmation to copy your assistant on my report findings – please don’t concern yourself with that.” 

Getting no respond in return, the technician watched wearily, holding a clipboard to his torso as he observed the owner of the apartment side step awkwardly to his own bedroom with a calm expression, “Mr. Barba, I’m going to have to ask you to make your trip quick as you would have brought the outside environment with you and it could contaminate anything we have already processed.” 

The Hispanic man would pause at the doorway of his bedroom, turning back to the technician with a sheepish glance after realizing he, himself, was waltzing all over the crime scene without a second thought. It was difficult since it was his home after all. A quiet nod in return, the man went to open his closet to pull out a duffel bag to settle onto the floor in front of his drawers to pull out the necessary items for an overnight stay or apparently two if the other man was correct. 

The woman he had helped this morning…had draped her arm over his shoulders as he had helped her; her fingers would have made contact with his track suit that was still hanging in the office and most likely left a finger print or two that could be recoverable or even a strand of hair follicle left behind! After all, no one had touched the outfit besides her. 

Well, almost no one as he rolled his eyes recalling the almost desperate embrace from Detective Carisi to his person earlier; a small reddening on his tanned cheeks from the recollection then heard a throat clearing itself to pull him back from la la land. 

“Ah right! Sorry, sorry; I’m going!” 

\--

“Carisi, are you taking point on this detail now?” Officer Collins spoke mildly in amusement to the Detective who arrived by his side very promptly; just like a dog being beckoned when called – he definitely was the reliable sort that one aspired to become. 

Brought back to the land of the present, Carisi offered a crooked smile, “Hey Collins, just call me Sonny. And yea, I’m gonna just take him with me in my car, all my crap’s in there anyway and the Lieu isn’t expecting me back at the precinct.” 

The Long Islander recollected the conversation he had had with Olivia was brief but to the point that he had come to the scene on his own time so any expectation of reporting had to also be on his own hours. 

“That’s good, the detail wasn’t too bad. I’m guessing I’m picking it up again on Monday.”

“He running you ragged yet?”

The officer would only laugh lightly, nodding his head as he crossed his arms to lean against the hood of his own squad car, “I could barely catch up with him from the office! He’s got a lot of energy once he gets going.” 

“That’s Barba, full of determination and fuel for days, I’ve seen it man.” Sonny chuckled, though his tone was definitely more affectionate than one would be about a colleague as his stance mimicked the other man’s. 

Collins leaned forward slightly from where he stood, speaking in hushed tones while they waited, “Between you and me, he’s good at putting a front. He wanted to go and see the families of the officers that died.” He shook his head, tapping his chin lightly. 

“He wanted to do what?” 

“That’s what I said! I told him, dude that’s just too fresh to be intervening…talking about compensating them for what happened.” The officer leaned back for a moment to take in a breath. “Like taking the weight of the world, I don’t think I’d have the mindset for it.” 

Sonny offered a small grin of his own, arms uncurling as he settled his hands into his pockets to gaze up towards the apartment building a moment then back with a nod, “He’s admirably really. He’s got a sense of honor. Thanks for taking the detail man….everyone kinda chickened out on it.” 

A shrug of his shoulders, Collins responded, “Well Barba’s definitely got a level head…that determination is pretty cute.” A smirk on his lips, looking back to Sonny then blinked to see a small glare tossed at him. 

“Worryin’ about tha’ ain’t part of your job description, it’s mine.” The Detective commented almost immediately that he could not stop it leaving his lips and the frown now settled on them.

Raising both his eyebrows in surprise, the officer mused, “Hey man, I don’t swing that way; it was more of an observation. Are you…and him…an item? Or just tapping that?” He motioned with his hands in and folding together sort of way so it was not mistaken. 

The detective’s eyelid would twitch as he reached forward to curl his fingers into the uniform of the officer; it was a reaction to protect Barba more than himself from being slandered, shifting closer to whisper dangerously, and “You tryin’ to start something, man? I grew up on Long Island, I won’t take that shit. I’m running on two cups of coffee, a half assed turkey sandwich and alcohol from last night.”

For Sonny, his priority of his reputation nulled in comparison to anyone on his unit or family; this especially played true to the Hispanic male who was not around to vouch for himself. Though in retrospect, his murderous glance and his frame wound taut should have been an indication to the officer that he was only being pleasantly polite while running on adrenaline. The urge to hurt whoever had brought so much havoc was an itch he desperately tried to quell. 

Collins held up his hands promptly, looking to the other with an incredulous expression. 

“I’m just asking! I swear I’ve got no issues or anything!”

“What are you two talking about?” 

A voice interrupted them both as two pairs of eyes looked to the Hispanic male who returned with his items and looking at them with a small eyebrow raise of his own. 

Rafael noted how the pair of the officers were so close, speaking in low tones, a bag tossed over his shoulder with his items for the weekend stay.

Sonny’s head did a quick snap to the direction of the new male on scene, removing his fingers from the uniform to stand back a moment then clear his throat. All the taller male could do was to stare at how adorable Rafael appeared to be in his suit all in a mildly disheveled state and the words escaped him to respond.

“Uh…” He swallowed, he was doomed.

“Smooth, real smooth.” Collins whispered, nudging the Detective from the man-handling a moment ago but understood his reaction from the way the attorney appeared perplexed from their comments. He settled a hand on man’s shoulder though looked to the ADA, “The game, he’s pretty passionate about those Yanks. I’m off Mr. Barba, I’ll see you on Monday, enjoy your weekend.” A small wave to the pair, though it appeared neither noticed his departure.

Rafael’s eyes looked seriously over to Sonny for a moment before a breath of exasperation escaped him, “Why are you here? I thought you were going to text me the address to meet you there after work.” 

“What? Of course I was going to pick you up.”

“You don’t have to treat me like a victim; I would’ve found my way easily on my own. You had Collins following me around like a vulture as is.” Barba’s tone of voice barely hid his irritation to the treatment. He understood clearly it was for his safety, why could they not understand he cared for their protection equally?

“Okay, I know I’m lacking some serious sleep but I’m not THAT out of it. I’m pretty sure I said I was going to PICK you up from the office to take you myself remember? Then you went on some side adventure with Collins and I happen to be here first.” A grumble leaving the Italian’s lips unconsciously at the recollection of Rafael spending his entire afternoon with an officer who thought him cute enough to mention it. 

A small laugh escaping Barba, the first in the whole day as the other’s tone on that final part was perturbed, “You make it sound like you wanted to go on an adventure too, stalker.” 

“I’m always ready and rearing to go ADA Barba.” The younger male commented with a small smile that relaxed to the tease as well as a side glance to the man who blinked incredulously. 

Regaining his bearing after a minute, the Latino responded, “Let’s get going, I’m in horrible need of a shower…that is if you don’t mind me using yours for the time being.” Of course it was obvious that he needed to bathe, it was probably just the fact he was so conscious of the younger male that had him asking an odd question. 

Perking up his expression then cleared his throat at Rafael’s narrowed-eyed gaze, Sonny’s grin would turn mischievous, and “Of course you can! Whatever’s mine is yours! I’m sorry that it ain’t the Four Seasons but I’m sure it’ll make do so come on, my car’s right over there.” He reached for the other’s bag automatically to grasp the handle away from the other male to walk and toss it into the trunk lightly. “Besides, I had business here so I wasn’t stalking you.” Per say, his mind finished for him. 

“Do you always just grab and go, Detective Carisi?” A curt reply to his bag being grabbed so suddenly and tossed like a sac before he could even react made the detective in question laugh equally amused.

The ADA knew he was going to have to play the cold card: the night prior, although so far away in their minds currently, had not been forgotten by him. It played a lot into the fact he had vehemently refused the other’s offer in the first place. 

“That’s the norm for me, Barba. Amanda can vouch for that.” 

“A typical Carisi move, I’m glad I’m forewarned.” Duly noted his mind finished, licking his lips lightly. 

Clicking his tongue, Sonny’s hand shot forward to grasp onto the ADA’s wrist to tug him towards the passenger car door with a chuckle, “I know you’re trying to goad me on, but I’m in too good a mood to be bothered by it.” He gave the other a nudge inside the vehicle with a hum before closing the door then proceeded to circle to the other side into the driver’s side. Once buckled in, he whistled as the ignition flared the car to life to bring them to their destination. 

“Why’s that?” 

“It’s not every day I get to have you to myself for a bit…what can I say…I’m excited.” And there it was, the truth bared forward to be left to interpretation; Sonny knew his own disposition could be deemed dangerous for the skittish male beside him but it was a chess move he had to make.

The choking sound escaping the ADA from his honest response was worth the silent glare he received afterwards, the music playing in the car on the ride downtown was enjoyable as the Detective knew that the other was processing the meaning behind his comment. Sonny’s determination rivaled that belonging to Rafael so it played perfectly for him. 

“You’re not allergic to cats are you?” 

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

“You must be the lady of the house little Clara.”

A pair of blue eyes that were unfamiliar to him was gazing up to Barba as he stepped into the comfortable, yet moderately sized apartment belonging to Detective Dominick Carisi.

“You know, you should’ve mentioned your cat earlier don’t you think?” He crouched down to gaze to the pretty black feline who sniffed his outstretched hand, licking his fingers as if deigning him good enough as a smile was on his lips. The groan coming from behind him as the door was closed only encouraged an eye-roll from the elder whose attention was on the creature. 

“I already apologized righ’? Ya can’t hold it against me.” 

The lithe feline went closer to his palm to nuzzle it, making Rafael reach towards it to lift into his arms to pet her more firmly, “Such a beautiful thing, I’m glad I’m NOT allergic to you or you’d be the death of me.” A snicker escaped him to the younger man only look at him pleadingly at the tease. 

“Rafael…that’s not even funny.” A steely toned response. 

“Last one, I promise.” He waved the other off to not take his sentiment seriously as he stood straight with the cat who purred in his arms from the sudden affection. “You’re so soft, I could come home greeted like this.”

“Now give us a kiss.” 

The attorney’s eyes widened at the statement in shock, turning his head swiftly to tell the other off only to note in that moment that the taller male had glued himself to his side with head crowning down. “Discuple?” It was so close, too close.

Before Carisi could remark, the cat moved her head to nuzzle his lips with her whiskered face then curled back into the cocoon that was the new man’s arms. “Clara always gives me a kiss when I come home, keeps me energized. Did you think I was asking you for one?” A small smile as the other did not pull his head back as if anticipating an answer.

Narrowing his eyes, Rafael merely lifted a hand to land right on that nose to shove the other back firmly, “She accounted for both of us.” He trailed further in towards the apartment to gaze around to get accustomed to it, leaning over to review photographs and the like with a tilted head. 

Would he tell Rafael that he did NOT have a guest room and that the other would have to make do with his own bed? The image of the other on his bed…sprawled out as he rested or quite possibly nude, fresh out of the shower, made Sonny’s mouth dry slightly as he shook his head. No, that would be kept secret till it would be too late for the other to leave.

“There’s beer an’ rum in the fridge so help yerself.” 

“Typical bachelor, almost clichéd don’t you think?” Rafael responded with a laugh, feet carrying him to the kitchen to review the contents of the fridge curiously. If he could cook, he would as a thank you for being allowed to stay. 

Alone in his bedroom, Sonny would settle the duffel bag on the king sized bed he had afforded himself after his first big promotion; the blonde would run his fingers through his hair. 

“Towel…” 

He trailed over to his closet to pull out a pair of long towels that set around his own waist like a small skirt from his own lumbering height and frame: it would probably fit perfectly on the Latino by wrapping around the lithe tanned waist erotically. The prospect made him swallow hard as his face fell into his towel with a sigh, “I’m in deep shit.” 

Returning back into the living room, his blue eyes blinked as the ADA found himself right at home on his couch that everyone would claim was a sin to exist with how comfortable it was. The shorter male curled up on the couch, television turned on to whatever channel and Clara nestled on his lap; super content with this newcomer whose attention was relentless. 

“I’m kinda jealous she’s takin’ a shinin’ to you too.” 

Not interpreting the “too” for his benefit, Rafael turned his head to the other, motioning to the table that held two open beers and a bowl with chips that were hidden away. “The sentiment is equal. I wanted to drink one before taking the shower.” 

“Oh right! You mentioned that, you just gotta turn the left knob up and push the right one to the left to make it spray.” Sonny motioned with his hands, sitting in his armchair to grab the beer and hold it up, “Cheers.” 

“Salute,” The elder mused, offering up the bottle to clang lightly to the fellow situated beside him, “Thank you for this…it’s really been a hell of a day.” 

Waving his hand lightly, Carisi pulled out his phone to set it down onto the table to reach for a menu from underneath it in a small messy pile, “What’re you in the mood for?” 

“You’re not going to interrogate me like you did earlier? Or tell me why you smashed my photograph?” 

And there it was. The question of the day that Sonny had been dreading and anticipating simultaneously as he sighed then shifted his gaze over to Rafael, “Straight to the point aren’t we?” 

The ADA took a small sip of his beer, looking to the dark liquid then over to the detective who opened his home and care to him. A man who made him question his sanity at times, “I’m sorry, I just…when I’m stressed I have to release it all. I can’t make idle chat as well as you think I might. Though usually I have someone else to talk to….” He trailed off as he recalled his nightly companions who knew nothing about him, listening to him vent randomly after a round or two in the tumble. 

If he were to mention that, the very pristine image that he had built for himself would break as well. 

The mention of someone else comforting the attorney irked him. Sonny was normally a patient fellow, one who could take a punch and laugh it off; but somehow, the way the other spoke so casually of someone knowing about his secrets and that their own friendship was not so open after so many years of being colleagues irritated him. His long fingers curled around the bottle of alcohol once more as he took in a breath then released slowly. 

“Well I’m here for you, but I guess I’m half the problem…is that it?” 

“I didn’t say that.” 

“But you only mention that what I did like it was bad to look into it.” 

“I’m just trying to understand why you’re so involved. I mean….we just work together right?” Rafael questioned, not noticing the other’s grip tightening as his eyes stared straight towards the television. He was great at creating conflicts, talking his way out of them (for the most part), but directly looking at his own problems was ten times out of his own league. 

“I’ve never had someone so invested in my business before; it’s unnerving you have to understand.” 

Sonny took another breath then released it, “We were worried looking for you, and I had to ask all I could when I had the chance. As for the picture…I’ll replace it.” 

“You’re dodging my question; I told you I’m not playing that game.” He was a prosecutor after all and questioning was his job.

Of course the other had a point, from the night before wanting to make sure he safely arrived to running himself ragged to figure out who was targeting Barba: it was concern that outweighed that of being just co-workers. Olivia had been worried as a friend because SHE was the ADA’s comrade since he began. When Carisi began, they only were acquaintances who worked difficult sex cases with victims unique to them. So why was he so invested in the wellbeing of the Latino? Would he have done the same for Amanda or Finn? Definitely not investigate their apartments or pull them closely into a tight embrace in pure relief to seeing them. Or have the insatiable urge to kiss them till they stopped talking about nonsense much less secretly pine for them to speak Spanish to him. Then to go so far as to smash a treasured photograph of jerk who hurt the man.

So why indeed. He knew why, it was just hard to put into words exactly which surprised even him. 

“Carisi?” 

“Look Counselor, I told ya to call me Sonny right?”

“Ah yes, I’m sorry you mentioned that…”

“I wasn’t in your business; we’re friends so I’d do it for anyone. The picture was…a casualty of war? My work family is just as important to me as the rest of my family.” He responded with a small tight lipped line, staring at the attorney to look his way, to see that in his eyes he meant something entirely different than what spilled from his lips. Why could he not be honest? 

“Friends…that’s right.” 

His voice sounded foreign and raspy as Carisi responded, “… Aren’t we?”

“Yes, of course we are. You’re just a good man, raised in a good family with … good values; why should I … never mind.” 

Shaking his head, the man got to his feet to set the sleeping cat down onto his vacated warm spot on the couch, eyes still turned off to the side as he cleared his throat to compose himself. 

A steel-like gaze looked to Sonny who faltered slightly in his own glance as the ADA nodding his head seriously. He took a hitched breath, fingers gripping the beer bottle as if prepared to take to his feet any moment, “What were you going to say?” 

“Nothing, I’m going to take a quick shower and I’m good with Chinese food. I’m not particularly picky, amigo so you pick.” It was he only response Rafael could utter out, the word ‘amigo’ slightly forceful with an emphasis that echoed to them both as hollow. And completely dodging the other’s question as well, an eye for an eye scenario.

He had been hopeful that the other’s dedication to this case, to HIS case was meant to be more than just a friendship. That statement made it conclusive for him to resolve his determination to avoid colluding with Sonny Carisi in a capacity more than he needed to. ‘I brought this onto myself, no use being disappointed in it now.’ He thought as his feet carried him around the side of the couch, out of reach and sight for the detective towards the direction he had noticed him in before. 

“Shit…” Both men mumbled to themselves now in separate rooms to gather their thoughts, only Clara waking up to meow for food as she noted her heater had left her. 

\--

Out of the shower, Rafael’s eyes looked to his reflection in the mirror his palm had wiped clean from the steam coming through, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this…” 

He was not a young man anymore to play the game of falling for a straight man: a straight YOUNGER man who had his life ahead of him and with plenty of opportunity to make a family. The idea made him swallow hard, not to mention that they would have to work continuously together up to a point, that is if he lived that long. The idea someone wanted to harm him made the steely Cuban fearful for the first time in his life. When Olivia had spoken to him the severity of the case when it first came around, he only held determination to find justice for those in his community; now it was playing with his mind and it affected his judgement as well. 

Rafael Barba, a prosecutor that rivaled a lion in its den, is now afraid of failing those around him for a misstep. The night prior gave him a feeling of vigor again to know that he held charm enough to make a drunken fool want to kiss him, to hold him close only to fall into the dark when the rug is dragged out from underneath them. 

“I have to play it cool…it’s just for the weekend.” He reasoned with himself, sighing once more as he reached for the towel that had been carefully left out for him. A smile as his face nestled against the spot to sniff the faint smell of the body wash belonging to the apartment’s owner. 

That scent was on him now, dark eyes now seeing his reflection and the reaction his body was catching onto. It was as if the taller male was there with him, enveloping those long strong arms around his naked body to rub, touch, caress in a way that lit the lower flame of the attorney. His eyes peeked down his naval to see himself reacting between his legs, cursing in Spanish at behaving like a horny teenager in their crush’s home. 

Instead of playing, he would only will it away with disturbing thoughts, “Go, just go….por favor…” He begged quietly as he wrapped the towel quickly around his waist with the other in his hair as Rafael made his way back into the bedroom where his clothing was in the duffel bag. 

“Uh…Yesenia...the old lady in those commercials with the dog…”He murmured, drying his hair with his back to the door; the notable bugle against the towel still evident with its reaction. 

It was all Carisi’s fault. If he had not been so passionate about everything, the attorney could have lived quietly and continued with his cycle of nightly partners.  
Of course being in the other’s house, he could not call up one of said men to keep him company and remove the itch. “Mierda…this always works! Why isn’t it working now?” 

“Anythin’ I can help with?” 

That voice made the Latino pause his fingers around the towel ruffling out his hair, back and shoulders tensing their muscles from hearing then slowly removing the towel from his head and not glancing behind him as if playing it cool.

“Don’t you knock?” 

“S’my bedroom, besides I thought you drowned you never came back.” Sonny responded by leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom. His eyes were drinking in the view of the span of available darker skin that contrasted only due to his own pale complexion. “I was genuinely concerned.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know already…” 

A grumble as Rafael looked down to the dark blue towel in his hands, noting how worn it was and cursing mentally now the scent encircling his body was heightened by the fact that the normal guilty party had arrived. 

“Are you mad at me for bein’ involved? I ordered Chinese food while you were soakin’ so I came lookin’ for ya to make sure you didn’t drown.” Sonny continued to explain his reason for barging in, mildly amused at the end to soften the question.

Turning now, the lawyer’s eyes were amused mildly, his torso now revealed but the towel held in his hands would cover the hard-on raging in the nether cloth around his waist. 

“You said it’s you, how can I be upset? Friends have to look out for one another.” A small smile to reassure that he knew the other meant well, even if his kindness was painfully constricting on his heart and apparently terrible for his lower-half. “How can I drown in an inch of water? I’m not that helpless.” 

“You never know, I’ve seen stranger things on cases that would make you question the world we live in.” A laugh escaping Carisi, glad the other spoke to him normally than a moment before. 

“More than usual?” 

A shake of his head, the younger man remained leaning against the doorframe as he got to ogle the other as he laughed from his own response. The smile on his lips was relief though there was a small hint of hunger in it that was minor if not staring long enough. The Latino clad only in HIS towel was one to commit to memory. 

“You can leave your stuff in the bottom drawer, it’s empty anyway.” 

“Why? Is it for your girlfriend?” 

Sonny scoffed as he crossed his arms, “It’s for my sister for when she comes to visit if you must know.”

A tilt of the brown hair that was now out and puffed from its drying motions, Rafael shrugged as he turned back to dig through the stuff in his bag to pull out some pajamas then the thought occurred to him. What were the sleeping arrangements for the weekend? If the other expected him to take the bed considering he said his own sister stayed in the room when she stayed over, it meant he was kicking the other out of his bed and he was not having it. 

“Sonny…” 

“Yeah? What’s up?” He moved away from the door frame to take one step closer only pausing when Rafael’s gaze turned towards him dangerously. “…What’s with the face?” 

“You don’t have any other bed than this one, do you? That comment about extra space was a lie.” He retorted, sharp gaze as his feet turned so he was fully facing the detective with droplets of water still rolling down his drying tanned torso that was lean though not toned since he had little time for it. 

‘Oh shit, he figured out. Big mouth Carisi!’ The taller reprimanded himself mentally then uncurled his arms to hold them out in defense, “Alright, so this is the only bed but its fine I’ll share the couch with Clara! It’s more comfortable anyway!”

Rafael tossed the towel that had been in his hair onto the floor in frustration, not realizing this blew the cover below as he growled, “What is your problem? Why do you want me here so badly? I’m leaving; I’m going to stay at a hotel after all.” Of course he knew he was being rude to the other’s hospitality, but the idea of lying down in the other’s large bed was too much for him. The other would willingly give up his bed to Amanda or Olivia? Had they had a tumble in it beforehand that it would be obvious?

That thought was probably the most upsetting of all – anyone – could lie in his bedroom, use his towels and items like nothing. 

The potential for more was nothing, so it made him forgo pleasantries despite the fact he was naked save for the long towel around his waist. 

Before he could reach for his clothing to get dressed, a pair of long fully clothed arms wrapped themselves around their favorite place that appeared to be his waist in order to pull him against a sturdy torso. Since Rafael stood sideways, his sharp gaze was about to turn only to feel lips against his nape to feel lips mouthing something. 

“Que?” 

“Don’t go, Rafael; it’d tear me apart.” 

“I don’t understand that! You’re so selfish!” His words not making sense, but those arms around him coupled with those lips against his pulse were making his heart race and words distorted. Damn him! 

“You think I understand it?!” Sonny questioned loudly as well, secretly glad that his walls were properly insulated at least for sound proofing. 

This made the shorter male’s squirming to stop and allow the detective to turn him to face him fully as they stood. Momentarily ignoring that naked, wet skin pressed firmly against his wet blouse; his arms were twined into one another like snakes about the lithe waist. “You think I understand why when I look at you I want to sidle up close and….make you smile….hear your laugh…listen to you berate convicts in your adorable accent. Grab you and pin you to a wall in the break room to make you breathless before you go to session? I broke that picture because I was fuckin’ jealous. Jealous of a man who broke your heart…” 

The ADA could only hear said heart beating louder now, the blood in his ears and a lump in his throat held back his normal retorts that were snide or curt; this was a confession to HIM, how could he respond? “Sonny…” His hands were caught at his sides to evade escape. It was a feeling of déjà vu. 

That nearly ended in a kiss, his breath hitched as hands shifted to squeeze between them to place them on the other’s chest to push back slightly yet all he met was firm standing. “Carisi…you don’t understand what you’re feeling…it’s a phase.”

“No, you’re right. I don’t understand this feelin’, the feelin’ of wanting to possess you and let no one else take ya away. I just understand that I don’t want it to disappear….for YOU to disappear.” 

“How can you…say that so easily…”His hands turning to curl into the fabric instead of pushing now, the ADA’s expression cautious with veiled anxiety reflecting in worn coffee colored irises. 

Taking a gamble, one arm slowly released itself from about the waist in order to cup that chin to prevent that head to escape him at least; glad that he did train frequently enough to keep his grip on perps and now notably one anxious looking attorney. “I’m Sonny Carisi, it’s my job to get the guy right, besides I won’t let ya.” Bright blue eyes glanced into dark brown ones that were questioning, hesitating yet resistance was fading and he smiled. 

“Not this time.” 

His forefinger and thumb gripped into the chin bone to tug up that wet head upwards in time for his own blonde head to descend. The union of his thin, pale lips that were chapped from brutal air from the morning search against plump ones of a feisty attorney whose body nestled perfectly into his embrace was the most accomplished he had felt in a very long time. 

To be continued…


	11. Tell Me What You Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kiss! 
> 
> Will this be an improvement in their relationship or will Barba try to mend the wall that has been crumbling since they started their professional relationship together? The detective has no qualms about chasing after anything or anyone that he desires; that determination drives them both to the breaking point of finally being together as a couple. 
> 
> The younger is a man on a mission: make the attorney completely his and lavish him with as much attention they both severely desire. Rafael was constantly haunting his passions so he was going to act on it and hope the plunge forward does not affect his relationship in any way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> < This is the beginning of a sex scene - I decided to split up this chapter into two for easier reading so sorry for those who have already read this twice! 
> 
> I wanted to be able to play into Chapter 13 more smoothly as the plot thickens. >

Chapter 11: Tell Me What You Want

This was an inescapable prison, one that could prove to be a living hell in the long run or give one sweet moment of reprieve if escape was attempted. 

“Rafael…”

His name had never sounded so sultry in his life.

Feet were cemented to the carpet that was soft beneath them, fingers curling into the soggy fabric of a lanky detective’s navy blue blouse that rested against a surprisingly sturdy torso, and that normally steely gaze was wide-eyed in shock. 

“Sonny…” The sound of his voice held confusion while laced with a hint of desire and he hated it.

There was one thing Rafael Barba prided himself in and that was to hold all his confident cards in front of him even when he felt like a mess inside. It played well in court, with his colleagues; who was this man to underestimate him? 

It felt like he was caught in terrible chick flick where the guy finally catches the hard to get the girl of his dreams, stares into her eyes and steals her breath away in one soft adoring kiss. 

Did the main female lead always feel weak in her knees that all she could do was respond weakly? Did all of her strength, resistance and overall sense of judgment fly out of the window? 

Because right now, all of his did the above– his rationale committed suicide, taking his logic and no one could persecute the crime as it was voluntarily done. After all, he was dripping wet, pressed against that hot robust frame that kept his movement rather limited since he was sure he’d make a run for the door in a fleeting opportunity.

For Sonny’s bit, he thought that the face of surprise was endearing considering he, himself, had been the one to cause it with a sense of giddy delight. 

He felt like a school-boy whose valentine returned his sentiment, even if reluctantly. He was definitely stubborn and his sisters could vouch for it. 

One thing he knew for certain: the small connection of their lips, despite brief, had him hooked. The Latino’s lips were soft, begging for him to taste more and explore thoroughly as he licked his lips subconsciously which turned into a smirk when he noticed said man’s gaze follow them.

“I can’t have you leaving if you try -”

“- And how exactly do you plan to stop me?” 

“I’ll just trap you like this, with my arms and all. I’m stronger than I look – I do go to MMA every other night when I don’t have class.” 

The man raised an eyebrow at that comment; the other did not have a violent bone in his body so the image was practically a lie, “Lying is not a trait I like…” 

“You like me Rafael?” 

“I said no such thing. I think you’re the one who needs a shower next.”

“I’m a cop; I gotta keep in top form and who better than with others who won’t try to hold back even an inch? Besides, I gotta let out my anger somehow, can’t always be a pacifist – I’m Catholic, not a fucking saint.” 

This response made Rafael give the other a brief glance over as if trying to measure him up and it made sense and the image making him uncomfortable below, a growing reminder he was still half naked. 

“I suppose…”

“I’m surprised you didn’t oppose to the entrapment first and foremost, ADA Barba, I’m glad to see we’re both on the same page.” The smirk growing on Sonny’s lips as those tanned cheeks gained a small tint of red from being called out and his hands shifting to curl against the hips of the shorter male firmly; ducking his head with full intention to kiss those lips again. 

“That’s unlawful imprisonment; I shouldn’t have to remind a detective.” Barba’s head twisting to the right when the other’s aim was clear, feeling those lips press against his bare nape instead. 

That was a poor move on his part as the other would definitely feel his heightened pulse, closing his eyes as he stood still for a moment to figure out his next move. 

“It’ll be worth any punishment I get sentenced with, I promise ya.” 

His voice echoing against that tanned neck, the smirk never disappearing as it turned into a small smile as his tongue came out to lick the sweet skin with a hum. 

His lips taking to leaving a trail of kisses against the smooth nape, enjoying the pulse of life; it made his previous anxiety of him being hurt disappear. As the other was concentrating, his own concentration was on memorizing this body while he had it trapped in his grip.

That quick thinking was a side of the attorney that was deadly attractive, recalling their only time as a joint team in the courtroom as a legal team – his lips always having a retort lying on tip of that pink tongue as a voice wafted with poise in its native accent. 

Rafael had to struggle more mentally to not melt into those kisses, the affection was adoringly genuine that it made him take a breath in to will his heart to stop its racing and blood from flowing south on his body with growing heat. 

His fingers held tighter that blouse to keep the other there for a moment.

No one had ever made him feel so stupid, weak and tongue-tied; damn the New York native – he was ridiculously charming and the attorney knew this. 

“This is not up for negotiation Sonny, we are not doing this.” 

The low comment had Sonny’s lips freeze, pulling back swiftly to toss a sharp gaze at the man he held while noting the look of determination reflected back. 

It was a shell that the other put up to protect himself, one the detective had become familiar with over the years and had taken a while to break down. Though, this situation was a different kind of wall altogether. The elder had after all been in relationships outside of Sonny’s purview, a frown on his lips from the recollection of this fact as he squeezed the other close and nuzzle his face firmly into the wet hair. 

“I have to counter that argument and say anything is always up for a well-proposed plea deal…and I AM begging…be mine and only mine.”

A sound of surprise escaping Rafael from the motion of being pulled even more tightly against the lanky male, his hands trapped between them as he appeared more confused from that motion. It caused him to sigh softly, trying to recollect the pros and cons to establishing a possibly intimate relationship with the man in front of him. 

“You’re deaf aren’t you?” 

“Mmm, you smell even more amazing with my shampoo in your hair. Damn that’s going to be a problem.” Sonny ignoring the question; it was obvious he was dead set to pursue this relationship. And considering the other did not outright say no again, it gave him hope.

“Are you always sniffing my hair?” 

A secret smile on the younger’s lips as he recalled times where he had gone to the ADA’s office to discuss a case only to find him sleeping on his mahogany desk from exhaustion, head on folded arms to provide him the best opportunity for the shameless hair smelling for the younger man. 

Of course he had been caught red-handed by the secretary more than once; she would turn out to be quite his partner in finding vulnerable moments by the ADA. 

His phone had hidden photographs she had snuck of the elder in court sessions, in his office, various scenarios that were catalogued in his cell. His only payment was to take her out to lunch every now and again or play the matchmaker with any of the uniforms in the squad-room. 

“I’m going to plead the fifth on that one Counselor.”

The elder man would blink for a moment at the confirmation with the other’s silence then felt a stirring press against him. They WERE practically glued together: he bit his lower lip as it was unavoidable to feel the other’s crotch pressed against his towel hidden one and felt his breath hitch a moment. 

“I won’t take responsibility for THAT either, that wasn’t my fault.”

“You walking around in just my towel…wearing my shampoo in your hair…hmmm. I’d say it was plenty your fault.” 

“I just got out of the shower!” 

“Irrelevant information – case in fact, you’re in my bedroom looking amazing and delectable. You did say I was constantly hungry, it’s true.”

The Latino’s fire was definitely back, yet again, not refusing the other anymore. His eyes looking up as blue ones returned to gaze at him; they were reflecting a different hunger all together.

One hand lifting to pat the other’s cheek as Sonny lowered his face to be but an inch away from his own but resisted closing the infinite gap. 

He felt those hot long fingers tugging by the grasp on his towel-clad hips to keep the warmth between them consistent; his resistance no longer existing in this moment. His hair fanning out as it dried from the body heat being emitted between them. Rafael’s other hand remained on its perch on the chest, right over the heart as he looked to those lips then up into the patient gaze.

 

~~ ~~ ~~

“I won’t kiss you…until you can tell me you won’t regret this…”His voice responding in a serious tone. 

“I won’t regret this.” 

A tilt of the Hispanic’s head to peck the lips as if going with what he promised then placed a finger on Carisi’s since he was about to duck for a harder one. 

“I didn’t say yes so you can’t make presumptions.” 

“You’re the one who has a hold on me, you’re too irresistible.” Sonny’s forehead pressed now to the shorter male’s, mumbling against the finger as a smile was there evidently; kissing the digit lightly.

“Carisi…I’m serious, focus.” 

“I don’t do things half-assed, anyone can vouch for me. I wanna get serious with you, I want ya to be my boyfriend…I wanna take you out to my neck of the woods and introduce you to my family one day. Though…my sisters will probably kick my ass for having a prettier partner than they do, especially Bella…” Sonny rambled off to himself. 

Removing his finger, the Latino looked off to the side as he listened to such a proposal, mentally laughing that perhaps he was not as old as he thought to dive into a this crazy work relationship. He tensed when recollecting about family.

“You can’t tell your family about us….we can’t even tell people at work!” 

“That might be a problem…” Sonny commented as he straightened out momentarily, his hard-on relaxing from the recollection that he was sure his actions regarding this case were obvious how he felt personally. 

“Did you tell someone already?!” Barba’s voice came out in a mild hiss, pinching the cheek now. 

“Ah Rafael, I didn’t! But it’s kinda obvious how I feel about you. Amanda was busting my chops for not trying to be more assertive in general and Finn said I’d lose the best thing to ever happen to me if I play stupid.” 

He shrugged; his colleagues were very open-minded as it was part of the job though he saw the attorney trying to wriggle away now. He was so close and he could not lose this now! 

“I’m not…I’m not trying to be purposefully difficult. You have to understand, I take pride in knowing myself and who I want as a partner – this is new to me.” The other responded with a smaller voice, glancing down as he looked to the chest that was easily at eye level.

“I know, but aren’t you the first one to say to not judge based off of anything else except the now?” 

“I know! Don’t remind me…”

Sonny’s head ducked to whisper into an ear, nipping the lobe as his tone was definitely serious in the desire for commitment. “I refuse to hide you, you’re equally important to me like anyone else in my life.” 

Damn the man, he was so unreasonable yet he made a valid point as he always seemed to. And what was he doing to his ear? 

“You, twisting my words, are not appreciated…”

“It’s a specialty of mine, working the situation to my advantage.” His thumbs brushing against the tanned skin along the towel edge on the other’s waist, God did he yearn to rip the offending cloth off – get on his knees – and have the other pray for sweet mercy as he got his first taste. 

A grumble though half-hearted as his hands reached upward to bury themselves freely now into the other’s light brown hair to tug that face where he can see and stared.

“Alright, I’ll yield to you Dominick Carisi.”

“Alright?” The repeated phrase said excitedly as he ducked forward with an expression that begged for confirmation he was not dreaming; blue eyes staring intently into brown ones.

“Yes, I’ll go out with you. You’re so sly like a wolf you know? I can see why anyone opens up to you.” 

Another peck onto those lips, Sonny had to reassure the other would not disappear as he murmured in lower tones, “Hmm I don’t want just anyone though. Just you…”

“I suppose I will have to take responsibility as your boyfriend.” 

“Well…” The younger smiled with eyes that were reading desire, his lower half hoping they would commemorate the fact they were officially a couple. “If you don’t mind too terribly…” He licked his lips in anticipation for the prospect to fulfill his dream.

Snickering at the comment, watching those eyes giving him the look over then back up, “I’ll need to be persuaded, Liv says it’s your forte.”

His fingers curling into the towel with a firm nod, pressing his forehead back against the smaller male’s with a crooked smirk, “Leave it to me.” 

~~ ~~ ~~

After he had the green light to take the moment to persuade the ADA, Sonny locked their lips with a sense of urgency that he knocked the balance of their embrace towards his bedroom door and effectively pinning him against it. Their torsos appeared to be permanently glued with tanned fingers working the buttons between them – the air getting short with a tongue diving itself past groaning lips to dance with its partner. 

“Mmm…you tryin’ to see my hard work first hand Raffie?” 

When lips parted for the necessity of air, Sonny’s head dove forward against the neck he had been pampering to his delight. Now, he did not have to hold back as his teeth now came to nip in testing the place he wanted to leave one of many marks he planned to settle on darker skin. 

“The way you ogled my chest before was unnerving…”

Laughing to the comment, his tongue lapping the small bruise as his hands danced up the other’s sides towards the lock of his bedroom door to turn it and back down towards those tantalizing hips. 

It was a slow caress, his coarse fingers feeling all there was exposed and thanking God that he had the foresight to check on the other after the shower. 

“The way I’ll worship it in a minute will be MORE unnerving.” 

He promised to the Latino who had managed to work all of the buttons from his blouse, the material hanging on his broad shoulders as it opened. He leaned back only partially to gaze down with a raised eyebrow then back to see brown eyes taking in the view of his own body. 

He was not overly bulked up like some others on the force; Mike probably was heavier set than he himself was, but he had toned abs and had strength resonating in his shoulders and arms the most having been a swimmer in high school. 

“Dios mio…”

“I’ll take tha’ as a compliment.” Sonny laughed as he yielded to the temporary view as he pressed lips to the other’s forehead in affection. 

The attorney was no rookie when it came to the dance of sex or intimacy, but it was his first time with someone that enthralled him, so he had to admire all he could while not noticing his drool at his chin. 

“MMA you said?”

“Yup, I’ll bring ya to one of the local matches once at the gym.” 

Rafael’s head would nod, turning up to look into blue eyes that were probably imagining what was beneath the hindering towel as they continued to sneak glances and hands playing at his waist. 

His hand reaching to loop itself around the other’s neck to tug for a heated kiss, his other working off the blouse easily and pulled back to murmur, “Not worried I might find another fighter cooler than you?” 

Bait tossed and the fish he caught he did not expect so readily – the detective was full of surprises. 

Carisi’s eyes narrowed so quickly it made the ADA blink owlishly till both his hands were enveloped in a twining motion with the longer ones then hoisted upwards wordlessly to frame Rafael’s face, “What…are you doing?” 

He did not have a chance to touch the torso he had opened up before him as his hands were pinned on either side of his head and Sonny’s face suddenly an inch away from his own as he stared intently into his eyes. It was the gaze of desperation yet a hint of…possessiveness? 

That must have been his imagination considering the younger man always shared or thought of others before himself. 

He did mention being jealous of Alex but that was different. 

“I’ll fight them for you too, I’m not as gentlemanly as everyone thinks I am. I’m passionate about what I want.” 

The younger mused as if a final warning his mannerisms may be limited in gentle considering the urgent stirring of his cock in his tight pants. 

A smile on his lips, enjoying the serious strain the other was suffering while admitting he would give into animal instincts their first time around as he was held back, “I know you are, I like that – a go-getter. Then what are you waiting for?” 

To be continued...


	12. Addictive Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny gives in to his more primal urges once he gets the green-light, will Rafael stop him with boundaries? 
> 
> A call from Olivia, a missed one, and the beginning of a heated affair. 
> 
>  
> 
> NOTE: There is an oral sex scene between the main characters so if this makes the reader uncomfortable, please skip through to the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> < So this chapter is a split from my previous one since I re-read and realized it was too long to be constructive into my next chapter so apologies to anyone who may have read this already but it was an easier transition for me >

Growling in low tones, Sonny’s left hand shifted the hold on Rafael’s hand to shift so now his right one would hold both lithe wrists securely to the wooden door; his head ducking to the torso he promised to admire to his full extent. His tongue working itself around a dusty nub with his now free hand pinching the other to harden it beneath his touch; his leg nestling between the tanned ones veiled with the towel barrier to press his thigh firmly to the crotch. 

He was going to taste thoroughly the spread offered to him.

The sounds escaping out from the attorney were sinful – alternating between a gasp from the pinching to the moan of his stirred up erection gaining friction. 

Rafael’s arms held above his head, chest and body essentially exposed to the devices of this man whom he yielded to as a lover. His head pressed back to the wood, rolling his hips forward to buck himself onto the thigh parting his legs with a murmur. 

“You…don’t play fair – mmn! – holding my hands…”

His long fingers gripped onto those wrists securely like holding onto a suspect from fleeing as his tongue swapped to the other nub, swirling around the appendage as both would be wet. The hand sliding downward to the towel base, poking the knot that could be pulled away from any rough movement – he blew air on the nipples he lavished with his tongue then peeled his head to look into brown eyes. 

“I gotta have my taste first since you kinda jumped me in my dreams first.” 

“I was in your dreams?” Licking his lips as he responded.

“Day and night ones, it’s kinda hard to concentrate sometimes at work.” A kiss to those lips with a murmur, Sonny thinking them his favorite so far.

A laugh escaping the older man as his fingers clenched then relaxed in the pinned grip from their shared kiss. He hummed then another kiss, then another and the last one held because the attorney decide to catch his tongue between his teeth and suck on it; it was the hottest thing he’d ever gotten as he groaned after it was released. 

“Damn that’s hot.”

“I only have my mouth to work with.” 

“And what a mouth it is! I’ve seen it work its magic; I can’t say I don’t like it.”

A smirk on his lips while tongue licked them as they were plump now from their sturdy kissing a moment ago as eyes held a mischievous gaze.

“My hands are equally great…”

“I’ll only let your hands go…if they touch my head and nothing else.” 

“Why… just your… Sonny!” Rafael’s speech was broken up with the thigh grinding down roughly, making his own hips to wriggle at the sensation. “…head…?”

“S’what I’m about to give you, but ONLY if you concede to not distract me.” 

The thought alone was enough to make the elder man twitch in his trapped position, Sonny Carisi wanted to give him head – it had to be a dream. 

Ducking his head into an ear lobe, Sonny responded in a husky tone, obviously foreplay was getting to him too, “Don’t spend too much thinking about it, Raffie, the offer has a life span of about 10 seconds before I go back to the nipple play only.” 

“What? That’s…unreasonable…” 

“It’s your fault you keep turning me on like this…fair play, Counselor is not in my cards right now.” 

A gulp on his part as that sentence was uttered with a deep hunger that resonated in the younger’s Staten Island accent. 

The gaze in those blue eyes kept Rafael rooted to the moment if he was hoping Sonny would go easy on him and not take too much control away from a man who lived off of it. 

Normally unable to get the upper hand on the more experienced man, he felt his chest puff out in pride to seeing the other think it over.

“10….9….8….7…..”

Cursing the other in his native tongue, the Cuban’s eyes looked sharply over the younger’s shoulder to gaze at the bed then the ceiling to will his hard-on away or calmer for the moment. If the other was planning to do what he secretly prayed for; he had to obey and that was a hard enough task on its own for the stubborn ADA. 

Just a few kisses, short nipple play and he was already putty.

The prospect of having lips wrapped around him made him nearly cum then and there as he swallowed hard.

“Pero yo queiro…ugh you drive a hard bargain…”

His fingers opening then clenching in fists in contemplation, Sonny moving to press his bare chest to Rafael’s so pure skin to skin contact was definitely more convincing as he felt a shiver pass through him. 

“6…5…4…”

“Carisi--”

“3….2…”

“Okay! Si…I swear…just the head…” 

The hard swallow that followed when blue eyes stared straight into his own was audible since the glint in them held a fiery determination.

“Thanks, babe, you won’t regret it.”

Of course the younger planned to go ahead with his plan of getting onto his knees to toss of that baby blue towel so he could worship the other’s growing need he had felt on his thigh with a throbbing of his own confines.

“I’m already regretting the fact I can’t seem to say no to you.”

A smile steady on Sonny’s lips as he knew this to be a fact at work too considering the ADA took him under his wing on a few cases to learn for the upcoming bar exam. 

His fingers squeezed those wrists once more before uncurling and allowing his larger palms to stretch open across the span of the tanned chest he had been lavishing with his mouth; giving those nipples a small pinch regardless of the disgruntled sound he received as it mixed with a moan. 

The detective’s track was clear as he grasped onto the towel, his tongue licking his lips as he pressed another kiss to Rafael’s addictive mouth. 

This was also going to be a problem at work – the constant need to feel that connection. 

He already could hear Finn’s voice telling him to keep it in his pants or Amanda snickering in a corner with Dodds, it made him chuckle to himself lightly. 

The shorter male’s hands flexed above him from being released, slid them across the taller’s scalp easily with a smirk to hearing a small groan from the man (mentally noting he enjoyed his hair played with) and massaged lightly as he was kissed. 

“Mmm…Sonny…”

Suddenly a draft of air hitting him had his eyes spring open but what came next had his mouth pulling back to toss his head flat, mouth open, “Oh shit!” 

The towel had come undone, the fabric pooling against his feet yet it was the hands finding their destination that had him gripping the light hair harder unconsciously.  
Long digits wrapped around him firmly, making him twitching in the hold and knew he was at the complete mercy now of the younger man. 

Rafael’s eyes stared upward at the ceiling, counting his stars at the demon he had sold his soul to; those fingers gripping his cock at the base while teasing slowly the tip with a rough thumb. He mumbled incoherently in Spanish while a warm palm found itself in the delightful mix of beginning to stroke him further, it was futile as he knew that he had been fighting off his boner from the shower so its attention was full. 

This situation that he had found himself in was precarious, dangerous and held so much excitement that the detective had to calm himself from diving too immaturely into this. 

He had done the typical experimentation in his earlier academy days so this was not his first opportunity to enjoy oral play with someone of the same sex; yet this was the first time he knew that this was riding on a lot of possibilities for them to continue intimately together later. 

Rolling his tongue against the inside of his cheek, the younger man’s lips found themselves placing an open kiss on the area where the heart resided in the man pinned to the door as he made his way downward. His knees hitting the ground now easily with fingers buried roughly in his hair, glad his trousers were confining him for now otherwise he’d lose concentration to tend to himself. 

Sonny’s focus was on tasting this exotic being of a man who always had him chasing around like an excited pup. 

“God Rafael, I’ve been thinking of doing this since I saw you just now.” 

“You…what?” 

The brunette’s eyes peeked downward, responding in a shaky and amused tone to the taller man who even kneeling had his face against his abdomen; it was sexy yet sad to see such a height difference. 

A smile on Sonny’s lips, his hands shifting away from the girth that was hard to his touch, tip-sensitive from his thumb’s circling and now at full attention for him. His head pressed forward to aim for the shaft, only to bypass it to pepper kisses one hip and trailing along the delicate edge to the other side to drive his boyfriend insane. It worked if the twitching cock hitting his chin was anything to go off of as was the groan of frustration escaping the attorney – it was one he often heard in the courtroom when a perp walked free or his opponent made a good move – it was low, hungry for control of the situation. 

“I know you’re absolutely groaning for it babe but -”

“But?! That was…mnnn the deal…for my own touching limitations,” His hard-on brushing against the other’s chin, his fingers gripping harder and tempted to push the other’s face head-on between his legs had his chest trying to catch its breath more. The other’s teasing tone made him momentarily freeze at the prospect he might actually stop.

Rafael would kick him out of his own apartment if he left him disheveled and unsatisfied after so much coaxing for him.

Sonny returned his face to stare head on to the decently sized girth in front of him, blowing only some air on it and smirked to it twitching.

“Sonny I swear…if you’re going to be one of those boyfriends then-aah!” 

Before Rafael’s thought finished in its tangent: a hot, wet heat surrounded the head of his throbbing cock that needed only minor stoking to its fire to get it going – his hands relaxing their hold as a tongue came to wrap itself in circular motions and his eyes squeezed tight. 

The sparks nestling in his abdomen made the elder man embarrassed to feel it so quickly at his age; he was at the height of his proclivities to have nightly visitors at his apartment. 

This was different and had his lips parting for a groan of the other’s name mingled with his blessings. 

Sonny’s thinking to shut the other’s mouth up was with his own – and with delight – he pressed forward with the task at hand. His hands gripped onto those bare hips, using his strength to press the other’s lower half straight against the door bracing him as lips parted to pull the tip inside for a quick swirl around. A hint of pre-cum already hitting his tongue made him smirk mentally as his mouth was occupied. Ducking his head forward after a moment of lavishing the head, his mouth making a cocoon of moist warmth for the elder as the cock slid into it with a groan on his part. 

Baby blue eyes gaze up with mirth despite the erection of the Latino making its way home into his awaiting mouth, his tongue trailing against each side equally and only groaning to add vibration stimulation. 

About halfway, he pulled back with a murmur as he lapped along the sides of the other’s cock; pressing kisses, “Don’t hold back…my apartment is solid on the sound…” 

Not dwelling on the insinuation to the fact the apartment was soundproof and the younger’s sexual partners (past and present), the ADA could only push one hand back into the soft hair while the other reached for the knob to hold a pace while moaning out his new lover’s name firmly when a tongue brushed the wet slit easily, “Sonny….I…I can’t…” 

“You gotta, babe – come on, for me.” A kiss to the wet head as his mouth wrapped around it for a quick suckle like testing out a lollipop for the first time at its flavor. 

This man was his ruin considering he had magically conceded to his requests; his hips bucking forward to urge the other to continue as he groaned out a series of incoherent Spanish that made no sense even to him. 

It was shameful to be driven to the edge, but he would be happy to jump. 

As Sonny was about to concede, his cell phone was ringing in his pants pocket which made him wordlessly reach into it with his other hand gripping steadily to Rafael’s lower half to the door to make escape impossible. His mouth pulling back to be free to answer it with a clear of his throat.

The other had his slippery cock at attention; it would be difficult to walk straight.

“Carisi.” 

“Sonny, its Olivia.”

“Oh hey Lieu!” 

“Olivia?!” 

Rafael hissed out to the response, the hand in Sonny’s hair being used now to urge the other away from his erection that had actually remained hard instead of deflating at the fact his best friend called her employee with whom HE was currently receiving oral attention from. 

“Let me go!” He mouthed to the younger man who merely smirked up at him in amusement and suddenly that tongue was mercilessly licking from base up to the tip, trying to pull out sounds. 

A quiver escaping the attorney’s body from the tongue’s ministrations.

“You forget you were supposed to call me to confirm you’d both arrived back safely at your place?”

“Mmm. Yep, well I was kinda in a rush to call you Liv. You know how excited I was….mmm.”

Sonny’s mouth was excellent at multi-tasking obviously, his head diving below to suckle at the ball sac with a hum that could be heard by the woman on the other side who continued to speak to him for not calling about the well-being of them both to the apartment. 

“That was a condition Sonny, he’s a target so are you now so I need to know where you both are! He was missing just this morning!” 

If he was not caught in a predicament, Rafael would’ve laughed at the way Carisi was getting a scolding by the woman who had such high tenure over both of them in that department. 

His hand leaving the soft hair to cover his mouth firmly from a particularly hard suck of that mouth against his testicles, teeth grazing had him swallow audibly.

“Carisssssi….” It was a low warned gasp, trying to grit back any sound.

“You’re right…mm you’re right…sorry Lieu, won’t happen again.” 

“Are you eating dinner? I didn’t know I was interrupting, sorry.”

A hard suck of his lips around the sac had the Latino suppressing his moans, legs twitching to keep open as he was dying on the inside that this was even happening right now; his eyes rolling back as his body twitched from the sensation. 

“Hmm? Oh yeah, it’s really good – I’m tryin’ somethin’ new and I think it’s gonna be my new fave.” 

“Well let me talk to Barba to see how he's doing; I’m sure he’s not as enthusiastic as you are when it comes to food.” 

“I don’t know Liv, he seems to be enjoying it as much as I am.” 

“Really? You’ll have to recommend it to me next time! Ed and I are always looking to try new things.” 

The prospect of envisioning his boss with her boyfriend in the same state made him shake his head to get rid of the thought as it would definitely ruin the mood, only refocusing to his own task.

Lifting the cellphone from his ear, he held it up to the thoroughly disheveled naked male hot pressed to his door with an innocent smile, “For you…” 

The dangerous look promised retribution later but the Latino’s shaky hand moved away from his mouth to grab onto the phone, “H-hey…ahem…hey Liv, what’s up?” He cleared his shaky throat to answer. 

“How’re you holding up? I know I didn’t check on you since this morning.” The woman on the other end sounding concerned as she always was, it was made her as relatable as a person and made the whole team want to be the best they could be for her. It made it more difficult for the attorney to keep himself steady as he spoke on the phone after having that sinful mouth belonging to one Dominick Carisi was occupied. 

“I’m alright, I was babysat, tailed and I somehow managed to get my things from the apartment before they completely destroyed it.” 

His clear voice surprising even himself.

“Hey! Have faith in my team will you?” 

“The technician gave me such a dirty look for trampling on my own space.” 

“He probably just thought you were trying to tell him how to do his job, you’re notorious Rafael.”

He laughed breathlessly, running his hand through his own hair lightly as if allowed a breather from his and Sonny’s previous motions. 

"Thanks....for checking on me Liv, I can always count on you." 

This relaxed atmosphere made the Staten Islander narrow his eyes in frustration at the attention being pulled from him. A smirk as he made sure the other was fully braced against the door; his hands grabbing onto those hips securely and pulled. The movement shifted Rafael’s cock right back into his mouth, swallowing to the base with his own head rocking forward to engulf it. 

Rafael almost dropped the phone from the heat around all of him at once, eyes wide as he let out a straggled noise that could not escape the woman on the other end. She thought it was the man trying to be strong.

“Rafa are you upset?” 

“W-What? Of course not.” 

Chocolate colored eyes turning down to glare, yet his desire was reflected for the other to not stop: the deep throating motion nearly making him release. 

“Listen, Sonny’s a good guy and he genuinely cares about you.” 

“I…nnngh…I know…what’s your point?”

The younger man heard his name, raising an eyebrow up at the man who he had complete control over. Pulling off about half-way then bobbing his head forward once more, keeping the moist heat consistent with his motions and groans.

“Soooo my point is that you have to behave and not give my detective a hard time alright?” 

“I make no such promises-!” The ADA’s hand went to cover his mouth again, moaning the other’s name behind it as he had to catch himself quickly. 

His legs were struggling to stay sturdy and spread for the lips to work themselves back and forth, milking him as he continued the conversation with the Lieutenant.

“I can’t afford to break in a new one so make sure you work on it.”

He whispered from behind his fingers, “Liv…I’m beyond the point of behaving but I’ll do my best for your s-sake.” 

A hard suck from the detective, pulling off to circle around the tip the slick substance that was the other’s pre-cum before diving forward to inhale the throbbing erection. His fingers gripped the Latino’s hips, digging into the skin to maneuver him back and forth to mirror his head’s motions. 

“Alright, I’ll leave you to eat and if you ARE upset, just tell him to handle it. He’s great at listening and giving advice.” 

And giving OTHER things, Rafael finished mentally as he nodded then realized the woman could not see him then removed his hand completely, “Will do, now go tend to Noah … goodnight.” 

And click! It was turned on silent swiftly.

The phone was tossed to the side floor as her goodnight was caught mid-way: his hands went straight for the light brown hair to grip and buck himself into the throat with a groan. 

“Sonny…mnn! I’m….I’m going to…nnn…kick you…”

“I don’t think that’s what you want to say, so say it right.” The taller male lifted his head enough to speak, licking his lips as he waited for his lover to respond accordingly. 

“You are getting too bigheaded--”

“I am getting big, yes – but I want to take care of you first. Tell me, or better yet, show me.” Sonny pressed kisses to the cock, glad it quivered from his attention then wrapped his mouth securely around the tip and sucked hard. 

That motion, coupled with the hard fingers against his hipbones, made Rafael’s abdomen tighten as he felt himself climax into the awaiting mouth. 

Fingers holding that head in place, hips thrust forward with spurts of his semen slipping into the mouth with a heavy moan that left him unable to say much else. A loss of words and the attorney released Carisi’s scalp in favor of bracing his hands to the wooden door where a little cat was meowing on the other side of it for attention. 

“Mmmm…perfect…” 

“Did you just swallow?” 

“I trust you Rafael.” A firm swallow of the salty opalescent substance, his blue eyes looking up to see the man catching his breath as he made his way back upward with a trail of kisses. 

He paused to feel that heart beating more firmly and he smiled. He caused that! 

The other’s hands now free to roam went to the other’s biceps to squeeze them since they were attached to hands still holding him in place. 

“How can you trust me? I’ve…you’re…well…” 

“I’m kinda pissed I’m not your first or only partner, but that’s being naïve. ‘Sides…you seem to be the sort to just be thorough in yourself to always play safe.” 

The ADA laughed while he shook his head, “You’re right by all counts, what sort of sentence are we committing ourselves to?” 

“I’m hoping life, but let’s play it by ear since I don’t plan on letting you go any time soon.” 

“I won’t want parole either so let’s aim for it together huh?” He had a small smile that was hopeful to have this relationship succeed on affection and not just lust; however, if that was but a small sample – he would not mind it one bit.

Palms shifting to wrap around the naked male’s waist firmly to pull him away from the door and into his arms with a hum as he nodded. 

Their torsos glued with Sonny’s head ducked to press foreheads together as he spoke with a strained voice. “Besides, I’m kinda hoping you’ll help me with my problem.” 

They both looked downward to where his trouser clad crotch rubbed against the bare one, a groan escaping them both as the elder rolled his eyes only leaning up to press a kiss to those panting lips. “You got it, mi Lobito.” 

Neither noticed the phone ringing once more, with apparently a number titled “Ellen” and watch it continue for it to go to voicemail of the lanky detective who set off a chain of events. 

To be continued…


End file.
